I love what you've done with the place

[corndog_]

A chorus of laughter and clinking glasses;
shuffling feet, Jack Johnson, the air
strung with tiny lights and crisscrossed
with glances. I love
what you’ve done with the place.

This room had a couch
over there: I kissed a girl
who went by one name
and wore small doll’s hands
strung for a necklace.
“Who doesn’t dream,”
she asked, “of being touched?”

I pass two boys on guitars.
They’re not good, but sincere,
and that’s enough
to circle a choir of lipsticked
crescendos and metronomed fistpumps.

Through here was a bookcase bowed
with poetry, a place where we argued
the line break, the trope, so close
our mouths almost touched,
and I remember the first time
you put your finger
on my lips to shut me up,
and I remember

the staircase, now blocked
with bodies who scoot
to one side to let me pass,
and the way your hand felt
under mine on the banister.

 

[butters]

love what you've done with the poem

*nods*


welcome(?) to Lit
or is this an old face wearing a new name? either way i enjoy your style

 

[butters]

A chorus of laughter and clinking glasses;
shuffling feet, Jack Johnson, the air
strung with tiny lights and crisscrossed
with glances. I love
what you’ve done with the place.

love the visuals and implications of this phrasing


This room had a couch
over there: I kissed a girl
who went by one name
and wore small doll’s hands
strung for a necklace.
“Who doesn’t dream,”
she asked, “of being touched?”

ah, so focused - you're good with detail


I pass two boys on guitars.
They’re not good, but sincere,
and that’s enough
to circle a choir of lipsticked
crescendos and metronomed fistpumps.

that makes my mouth work in wonderful ways speaking it aloud. you're pretty big on sound, then? *noted*

Through here was a bookcase bowed
with poetry, a place where we argued
the line break, the trope, so close
our mouths almost touched,
and I remember the first time
you put your finger
on my lips to shut me up,
and I remember

delicious intimacy, the previous verse acting as its foil, its amplification...

the staircase, now blocked
with bodies who scoot
to one side to let me pass,
and the way your hand felt
under mine on the banister.

seems to me you've embraced all the senses with this write, corndog, from the implied flavours in a kiss to the brilliant visuals, the warmth of flesh touching, the sounds of the boys with their music, and even the special smell that belongs, alone, to books...

really like this. is it a new piece or one you've had a while?

 

[corndog_]

Brand new. And it is about you.


Well, not just you-- it is about returning to Lit, meeting the new Litizens, and fondly recalling the old ones. I sincerely hope some are still around!

You've certainly made me feel welcome.

 

[corndog_]

*****

 

[butters]

god, i'm so frikkin' clever


subtlety like that takes work, yanno?

 

[corndog_]

god, i'm so frikkin' clever


subtlety like that takes work, yanno?

Frikkin' fast, too

 

[butters]

Frikkin' fast, too

*shines badge*

that's me

speedymcspeedybutty

 

[corndog_]

I love a girl in uniform.

Or out of uniform.

 

[fridayam]

A chorus of laughter and clinking glasses;
shuffling feet, Jack Johnson, the air
strung with tiny lights and crisscrossed
with glances. I love
what you’ve done with the place.

This room had a couch
over there: I kissed a girl
who went by one name
and wore small doll’s hands
strung for a necklace.
“Who doesn’t dream,”
she asked, “of being touched?”

I pass two boys on guitars.
They’re not good, but sincere,
and that’s enough
to circle a choir of lipsticked
crescendos and metronomed fistpumps.

Through here was a bookcase bowed
with poetry, a place where we argued
the line break, the trope, so close
our mouths almost touched,
and I remember the first time
you put your finger
on my lips to shut me up,
and I remember

the staircase, now blocked
with bodies who scoot
to one side to let me pass,
and the way your hand felt
under mine on the banister.

I second chip: I love this too. The sense of a place lost and revisited in a new guise. Lovely language and phrasing. Welcome (back?)

 

[corndog_]

Thank you. You look good out of uniform, too!

 

[butters]

I love a girl in uniform.

Or out of uniform.

morfuni?

Thank you. You look good out of uniform, too!

hehehehehe - you'd be amazed. truly

 

[corndog_]

I'm picturing you "slipping into something more comfortable" and coming back with those giant red shoes and a squirting corsage.

 

[butters]

I'm picturing you "slipping into something more comfortable" and coming back with those giant red shoes and a squirting corsage.

yeah, they're a bitch when trying to click the heels together
*hides water pistol down cleavage*

 

[UnderYourSpell]

since the relevant post has been deleted it seems, I got no idea what you're rabbitting on about

 

[corndog_]

Oh, you didn't miss anything. Just some blather.

 

[BooMerengue]

A chorus of laughter and clinking glasses;
shuffling feet, Jack Johnson, the air
strung with tiny lights and crisscrossed
with glances. I love
what you’ve done with the place.

This room had a couch
over there: I kissed a girl
who went by one name
and wore small doll’s hands
strung for a necklace.
“Who doesn’t dream,”
she asked, “of being touched?”

I pass two boys on guitars.
They’re not good, but sincere,
and that’s enough
to circle a choir of lipsticked
crescendos and metronomed fistpumps.

Through here was a bookcase bowed
with poetry, a place where we argued
the line break, the trope, so close
our mouths almost touched,
and I remember the first time
you put your finger
on my lips to shut me up,
and I remember

the staircase, now blocked
with bodies who scoot
to one side to let me pass,
and the way your hand felt
under mine on the banister.

Yup. I remember. That was me mingled on the staircase. But when you felt my hand DollBoy- it wasn't on the Banister.

 

[butters]

Yup. I remember. That was me mingled on the staircase. But when you felt my hand DollBoy- it wasn't on the Banister.

oh, lol, i read that as 'DellBoy' at first

 

[UnderYourSpell]

oh, lol, i read that as 'DellBoy' at first

me too lol bar sketch

 

[butters]

me too lol bar sketch

brililiaont

it'ps raoining caots aond dogs here,u aotm!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

my hubby did an almost identical re-inactment of that sketch on hols in Gran Canaria landed in a load of bottles!

 

[butters]

my hubby did an almost identical re-inactment of that sketch on hols in Gran Canaria landed in a load of bottles!

 

[corndog_]

me too lol bar sketch

I've certainly had my share of clown moments! I once chatted-up two girls that had picked me up hitchhiking, not realizing that, as I sat in their cramped backseat, my pack was cutting off circulation to my legs. When we arrived at my destination and I planned to invite them to join me for more fun, I stepped out of the car and fell on my face at the curb. It's tough to look suave peering up from the gutter.

 

[butters]

I've certainly had my share of clown moments! I once chatted-up two girls that had picked me up hitchhiking, not realizing that, as I sat in their cramped backseat, my pack was cutting off circulation to my legs. When we arrived at my destination and I planned to invite them to join me for more fun, I stepped out of the car and fell on my face at the curb. It's tough to look suave peering up from the gutter.

*quoted for posterity*

teehee ... did they help you up when they'd stopped laughing?

 

[corndog_]

*quoted for posterity*

teehee ... did they help you up when they'd stopped laughing?

A mate told them the numbness started at my head and was working its way down.