I Know

[Never]

... The feeling of alone.

Of course, I don't feel that way when I'm alone. I feel that way when I'm so close to someone I could reach up and touch their cheek but I'm so far away I could never do that.

Jadedpast's thread made me think. Everyone knows that feeling of being out in the cold. Lonely and alone. When the ones that you care about, the ones you thought cared about you turn away. Christmas and Valentine's Day are the highest days for suicides in the United States for a reason.

My Senior Prom was just such an experience. I watched as my best friend and the girl I had loved for two years slow danced with another friend of ours. I had never seen her look that beautiful, just looking at her made my eyes ache. She never knew how I felt and it would be disastrous if she ever found out.

I did what I always do when my emotions threaten to hurt me. I just pushed them aside - creating a wall between 'me' and everything else. That's simply how I handle these things. I've seen others get misty eyed, or try and pretend as though they were the happiest they've ever been.

So, what happened? How did you cope then?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Still hiding behind a pretty face.

 

[Xander]

Actually Never. I think I have a tendency to push EVERYBODY away, in situations like that. What I usually do, is lock myself in the basement with a 12 pack of Bud, a guitar, amplifier and processor. 6 hours later when I come out. I usually feel a whole lot better, and move on from there.

Believe it or not. It happens more often than you would think.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Svedish_Chef]

... The feeling of alone.

Of course, I don't feel that way when I'm alone. I feel that way when I'm so close to someone I could reach up and touch their cheek but I'm so far away I could never do that.

My Senior Prom was just such an experience. I watched as my best friend and the girl I had loved for two years slow danced with another friend of ours. I had never seen her look that beautiful, just looking at her made my eyes ache. She never knew how I felt and it would be disastrous if she ever found out.

I did what I always do when my emotions threaten to hurt me. I just pushed them aside - creating a wall between 'me' and everything else. That's simply how I handle these things. I've seen others get misty eyed, or try and pretend as though they were the happiest they've ever been.

So, what happened? How did you cope then?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Still hiding behind a pretty face.

All I have to say on that dear Never is be happy you have a pretty face...

I usually get drunk and write poetry...though at the moment I cant because I have to work tonight... I hate that pain

 

[jcgirl]

Im more of a push them deep down into the pit of my stomach kinda person. I withdraw, get very distant. I hate feeling like that. Whats worse is at those times I carry this stupid smile around, like its the worse thing in the world for other people to know how things affect me.

 

[Whispersecret]

CB, it sounds like you're clinically depressed. You should try to find a therapist to help you. I felt like you a couple of years ago. I had no appetite (which is REALLY strange for me) and was apathetic about everything and felt sleepy all the time. I waded my way out of it eventually, but realized later that I had been depressed. Getting help might have "healed" me sooner. It's worth a try.

 

[DEFENDER]

depressed never

depressed never, this has touched my soul so true,
its the chatterbox, too much time to think ignore the thoughts go with the feeling, this is all about growing up, therapy maybe but all the help is within yourself, learn to like what you are and not what other people think you are, and if you can manage it love yourself, and play the music and do the walk and read the poetry and whatever else you like. there are more than one set of footprints upon the sand.