I know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.

Isabella Thorne

Saucy Ambassador of Tarty Foreign Affairs
Joined
May 5, 2000
Posts
3,084
Well, it's that time of year again. Our Canadian Maple Leaf is turning beautiful colours of yellow, red, and orange. It kinda makes me feel patriotic ...

CANADIANISMS

And 'they' say the Canadian identity is hard to define! You know you're Canadian if...

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.

2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".

3. You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."

4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.

5. You drink pop, not soda.

6. You know what it means to be on pogey.

7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh?!"

8. You can drink legally while still a teen.

9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.

10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.

11.When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.

12. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!

13. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

14. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.

15. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

16. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.

17. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

18. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap."

19. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."

20. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."

21. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.

22. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group. **

23. You participated in "Participaction."

24. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."

25. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.

26. Like any international assassin / terrorist / spy in the world, you possess Canadian passport.

27. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

28. You know the French equivalents of "free","prize", and "no sugar added",thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

29. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

30. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

31. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.

32. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

33. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.

34. You know what a toque is.

35. You have some memento of Bob and Doug.

36. You know Toronto is not a province.

37. You never miss "Coach's Corner".

38. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
_________________
** Casey and Finnegan are puppets on a Canadian children's show called
"Mr. Dress Up".

[Edited by Isabella Thorne on 10-18-2000 at 08:43 AM]
 
Okay, I am not Canadian and just proved it. I don't understand what half those are, but still found it funny.
 
I'm getting weepy

Somebody humm a few bars of "The Maple Leaf Forever"

I'm gonna' have a couple of shots of Royal Reserve plaster the "Proud Canadian" sticker off the bottle to my left buttock chase it down with a couple of Mooseheads, then i'm gonna'go and fuck the "beejesus" out of Josee' Chouinard and phone up my MP and tell him that Stockwell Day ROCKS.

Expertise (a canuck who's not gonna' take it anymore)
 
Just about made my cry. I think you just came up we new lyrics for our national anthem.

Think I'll have a Muskoka cream.
 
Well to tell you the truth ... and I hope PM Byng doesn't get pissed off at this ... ha ha ... but I really don't know or do every one of those ...

I don't even know what "Coach's Corner" is ... it is about sports ... so I wouldn't have paid attention to it ...

I never really watched the Beachcombers ... although I know who Bruno Gurussi is ... lol ... no seriously ..

I don't know what a Robertson screwdriver is.

I don't understand #30 ... talk about it at work? WTF?

and what does the PM's inuit carving mean???

Help .... I am Canadian but I don't know ....

Some things that are COOL about Canada:

1. Crispy Crunch and Smarties.

2. The size of Canadian footballs, football fields, and one less down.

3. Lacrosse is Canadian.

4. Hockey is Canadian.

5. Basketball is Canadian.

6. The biggest flags ever seen at the Olympic closing ceremonies were Canadian (twice...and the second one was smuggled in against a rule that was made because of the first one).

7. Mr Dressup could kick Mr Roger's ass.

8. Way better beer commercials.

9. Canada has the largest French population in the world that never surrendered to Germany.

10. Our "Civil war" was led by a drunken, insane William Lyon McKenzie.

11. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little less than an hour.

12. We knew plaid flannel was cool way before Seattle did.

13. The Hudson Bay company once owned 1/11th of the Earth's surface.

14. We invented snowmobiles, jet skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, and the handles on cardboard beer cases.

15. We know that any scale that says water boils at 212 and freezes at 32 is asinine.

16. We've all frozen our tongues to something metal, and lived to tell about it.
______________
I'll pass on the pop. I just bought a mickey and a two-four - but yikes the LCBO didn't take my Canadian tire money, eh?
 
But, What Aboot the Music, Eh?

Another reason Canada is cool is the string of great musicians to come from there. Like:

Bruce Cockburn
Barenaked Ladies
Neil Young
Great Big Sea
La Bouttine Souriante
Natalie MacMaster
The Rankins
Ashley McIsaac
The Guess Who
Joni Mitchell
Sarah McLachlan

I know there are more, but those are the ones I like.
 
Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

Blue Rodeo
Tragically Hip
Kim Mitchell
Bryan Adams
Loverboy
Doug and the Slugs (for you Chester lol)
Honeymoon Suite
Shania Twain
Celine Dion (yuck)
Heart
Triumph
Leonard Cohen
Rush (Take off, eh?)

and I am sure I missed lots and lots more ...

BUT most importantly ...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *screaming in sheer horror*
Dudley ... baby ... you didn't do right ... ha ha ..

you missed our Alanis??? ;)
______________________
Is she perverted like me ...
would she go down on you in a theatre?
~Alanis Morrisette~
 
Waving my HUGE flag! *

Okay, Isabella, as a fellow Canadian, I'll help you out. :) (Us Canadians, always so dang helpful, eh?)

'Coaches Corner' is the part of the hockey game where Don Cherry (please tell me you at least know who HE is) rambles and blusters and complains about the hockey players, coaches, fans, etc, etc. :)

A Robertson screwdriver is the one with the square head on it. (I think.)

And #30 must be read in conjunction with #29. (The American tv show mentions Canada and you are so excited you bring it up at work the next day.)

As for the Inuit carving thing.... remember when the intruder broke into Chretian's house? I think Alise Chretian must have thwarted his attempts with a soapstone carving? Just making a guess here since I don't recall hearing that part of the story.

Hope that helps. :)

K

[Edited by SpecialK on 10-19-2000 at 06:13 AM]
 
Merci buckets for the info

oh thanks so much K ... :)

yea i have heard of Don Cherry lol ... he has a chain of restaurants, eh?

yea i kinda thought the same thing bout the inuit carving ... that must be what it is ... Our First Lady Aline Chrétien used it as a weapon ...
______________
ooooo I forgot The Tea Party (cool band .. sounds like The Doors / Led Zepplin)
"You were bound and chained
you had love and you were handled"
 
Special K gets a prize.

Speaking of Alise does the idea of her and Jean doing it give anybody else the willies. Even better can you imagine him talking dirty to her.
 
Pillow Talk on Sussex Drive

Jean: Oh my cherie ... your sweet pussy is tres chaud, chaud, chaud, eh?

Aline: Oui, oui, oui Jean. Fuck moi svp.
_________________
Our First Lady's name is Aline (not Alise). lol
 
"I'm meltinnnnnnnnnggggg.......

Isabella I was soooooo horny this morning. I was sitting at my desk with an absolutely raging hard on, my balls felt full to overflowing, I had what seemed like a totaly insatiable craving for the taste of pussy.... and then I read your "pillowtalk with Jean and Alise".

Better than an ice cold shower sweetie.
 
rofl!!!!!

I knew I was getting her name wrong! Ya never hear about the woman though, it's like she's a damn ghost or something! lol! And I had Chretien spelled right (sans accente) the first time! lol!

As for that whole pillow talk thing, I'll just refer back to #12 of that list Isabella posted:

12. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!

Frankly, the thought of it is a bit more than disturbing. <shudder> Your poor libido must've taken quite a beating Expertise! lol!

<shuddering with an added grimace thrown in!>

K
 
Canada has no sexy federal politicians. The last thing that came close was Mila Mulroney. Jesus when Kim Campbell had those pseudo-boudoir photos done my penis nearly fell off. Maybe we could fantasize about Elsie Wayne. YIKES!!!

I can't imagine that the female population fairs much better.

David Collinette -strikes me as a closet crossdresser.

Jean Chretin- Nuff said

Svend Robinson- Plays for the other team

On and on ... don't even get me started on Sheila Copps
 
Re: Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

Isabella Thorne said:

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *screaming in sheer horror*
Dudley ... baby ... you didn't do right ... ha ha ..

you missed our Alanis??? ;)

Sorry, Isabella, but I DID say I was only listing the ones I liked...*g*

BTW, I think Heart is from Seattle...
 
Crazy on You

oh Dudley dear ...you DID do right .. :)

I always considered Heart to be a Canadian band that moved to Seattle ... after checking them out on the net ... this is what I found:

Based in Seattle, the band was originally known as the Army and focused on covering hard rock material by bands such as Led Zeppelin with Ann at lead vocals. The Army was renamed White Heart, and performed at clubs throughout much of the Pacific Northwest. When Nancy joined after a stint in college, the band renamed itself Heart and relocated to Vancouver, British Columbia in Canada.)

It was in Canada that Heart recorded their breakthrough album, 1975's Dreamboat Annie, which features hits such as "Crazy On You" and "Magic Man."

and ummmm you are right bout Canada's lack of sexy politicians, Chandler ... with the exception of the late Pierre Trudeau ... now he was sexy in his time ... and his wife Maggie was pretty hot too!
___________________
We may still have time We might still get by
Every time I think about it I want to cry
With the bombs and the devils
And the kids keep coming
Nowhere to breathe easy...no time to be young
But I tell myself that I'm doing alright
There's nothing left to do tonight but go crazy on you
~Heart~
 
This Hour has 22 Minutes

The current joke.

Why is Jean Chretin now frightened by the prospect of renaming Mt. Logan, Mt. Trudeau

He is afraid Maggie will want to be the first one to climb its face.

*GROAN*
 
Hail Canada

How could anybody forget great tv shows like:

You cant do that on television

and of course

Degrassi!
 
Isn't it Ironic, Don't You Think?

Svedish_Chef said:
How could anybody forget great tv shows like:
You cant do that on television
... ummm Chef darling ... a wee bit of trivia for ya ...

Did you know that Alanis Morrisette used to play on "You Can't Do That on Television" when she was young???

Ohhhh Shariz ... when pigs fly, dear. lol ;)
____________________
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?
~Alanis Morrisette~
 
Jersey!

here's some more for the list:

The ability to "jersey" a suit jacket
To only walk two blocks and find the best coffee on earth...
Tim Hortons
and since we are biligual to truly undertand the phrase
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?"

And no, I don't live in an igloo just because i live up north!

Any one for beer hunter? Come on up to the great white north, ya hosers! ;)
 
Cold 'nuff for ya, eh?

The Canadian Temperature Conversion Guide:

+15° C = Vancouverites try to turn on the heat. Manitobans plant gardens.

+10° C = Victorians shiver uncontrollably. Winnipeggers sunbathe.

+5° C = Italian cars won't start. Winnipeggers drive with the windows down.

Zero° C = Distilled water freezes. Winnipeg's water gets thicker.

-5° C = Torontonians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Manitobans throw on a T-shirt.

-15° C = Quebecers begin to evacuate the province. Manitobans go swimming.

-20° C = Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat. Manitobans have the last cookout before it gets cold.

-25° C = People in Vancouver cease to exist. Manitobans lick flagpoles.

-30° C = Calgarians fly away to Mexico. Manitobans throw on a light jacket.

-40° C = Hamilton disintegrates. Manitobans rent some videos.

-50° C = Mt. St. Helen's freezes. Winnipeg Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

-60° C = Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Manitoban Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

-80° C = Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Winnipeggers pull down their earflaps.

-100° C = Ethyl alcohol freezes. Manitobans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

-200° C = Microbial life survives on dairy products. Manitoba cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

-300° C = ALL atomic motion stops. Manitobans start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

-400° C = Hell freezes over. The Winnipeg Blue Bombers win the Grey Cup.
_______________________
I have a hunch this was written by a Manitoban. lol
 
Smartass time!!!!!!!

My dear lovely sweet sexy trollop....Isabella in case anyone did not know of whom I was speaking...

God she makes my hick dard....er di...er...I got serious wood!... as Haze would say

Now m'Lady Isabella...in the celsius scale the lowest temperature is -273C. This equates to -459F and 0 on the Kelvin scale...this is absolute zero..the temp at which all molecular motion theoretically ceases...This is as yet unattainable...as the end zone is to the Bengals...

This has been todays science lesson...let the madness resume.
 
He blinded me with science

mmmmm ... you know what Thumper dear ... I've always loved that woody of yours ... especially when it is ummm what did you call it ... "serious wood" .. for me :)

... and a trollop you say? ... hmmmm ... a tarty trollop ... or hey ... a trollopy tart ... oh dear Woody, now I am blushing .. ;)

and I think too I am not being a good Canadian again, NurseGoddess, because I have no idea what it means to "jersey" a suit jacket ... ??? eh? quoi? je suis tres blonde, nescafé ... ha ha ..
________________
Me thinks those classes are paying off big time, you brainy Woody you ... quoting celcius scales and giving science lessons like there's no tomorrow ... lol
 
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