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I have devised a graphical definition of middle age (it involves boobs)

W

Writers_block

Experienced
Joined
Nov 18, 2015
Posts
56
Take out a pen. Draw an x axis and a y axis. Scale the y axis from 0 to 100. This axis will represent breast size. Scale the x axis from 0 to 100 also. The x axis represents age in years. Now ask yourself, on a scale of zero to 100, what is the ideal size. If you say 10, for instance, you are probably sexually stimulated by the tactile sensation of reading braille. If your ideal boob is a 95, you probably also have an asphyxiation kink.

Lets say you scaled your ideal boob size at 75. They are quite important, but you still hold on to the notion that there is such a thing as grotesque hootery.

Now draw a horizontal line across the graph at a level equal to that number on the y axis.

Hang on, back up. This is immoral. Rescale the x axis from 18 to 100. Adults only, people. Ok, now continue.

Your next job is to draw a curved line that represents the probability of said platonic ideal hooter having excessive saggyness across the 18 to 100 age spectrum. This should be an s-curve, initially parabolic but then infinitely slowing toward a maximum sag threshold. The curve is a subjective assessment, it will be different for everyone.

Okay, now where does the definition of middle age fit in? Find your own age on the x axis. Look at the two lines. If the point on the line representing ideal boob size is higher than the sag curve, you are still young. Conversely, if the sag curve exceeds ideal size at your current age, then you my friend, are in the realm of middle age.

Summation. Middle age is the point in time at which the probability of excessive saggery exceeds expected sexual utlity of ideal breast size.

This is a work in progress, people. Keep your pitchforks at bay.
 
Last edited:
Hmmm...middle age...I was once middle age, but I don't have boobs, per se.

Middle age is that age you reach that is the midpoint in your expected life.

The mortality of men is on average age 73.

For women it is 81.

Middle age for men would therefore be 36.5 years old.

Middle age for women would be 40.5 years old.

Adding breast size to the calculation is just fantasy and wishful thinking...it is actually an irrelevant piece of data.

Yes, at one time in my life I was an actuary.
 
imalickin said:
Hmmm...middle age...I was once middle age, but I don't have boobs, per se.

Middle age is that age you reach that is the midpoint in your expected life.

The mortality of men is on average age 73.

For women it is 81.

Middle age for men would therefore be 36.5 years old.

Middle age for women would be 40.5 years old.

Adding breast size to the calculation is just fantasy and wishful thinking...it is actually an irrelevant piece of data.
Click to expand...

No it's not.
 
I would like to read your poetry.

imalickin said:
Hmmm...middle age...I was once middle age, but I don't have boobs, per se.

Middle age is that age you reach that is the midpoint in your expected life.

The mortality of men is on average age 73.

For women it is 81.

Middle age for men would therefore be 36.5 years old.

Middle age for women would be 40.5 years old.

Adding breast size to the calculation is just fantasy and wishful thinking...it is actually an irrelevant piece of data.

Yes, at one time in my life I was an actuary.
Click to expand...
 
imalickin said:
You're right, it's not an insignificant piece of data in life, but in determining someones life expectancy it is or even half of their life expectancy.
Click to expand...

Middle age is a period not an actual age and doesn't have much to do with life expectancy other than being before old age.
 
Writers_block said:
Take out a pen. Draw an x axis and a y axis. Scale the y axis from 0 to 100. This axis will represent breast size. Scale the x axis from 0 to 100 also. The x axis represents age in years. Now ask yourself, on a scale of zero to 100, what is the ideal size. If you say 10, for instance, you are probably sexually stimulated by the tactile sensation of reading braille. If your ideal boob is a 95, you probably also have an asphyxiation kink.

Lets say you scaled your ideal boob size at 75. They are quite important, but you still hold on to the notion that there is such a thing as grotesque hootery.

Now draw a horizontal line across the graph at a level equal to that number on the y axis.

Hang on, back up. This is immoral. Rescale the x axis from 18 to 100. Adults only, people. Ok, now continue.

Your next job is to draw a curved line that represents the probability of said platonic ideal hooter having excessive saggyness across the 18 to 100 age spectrum. This should be an s-curve, initially parabolic but then infinitely slowing toward a maximum sag threshold. The curve is a subjective assessment, it will be different for everyone.

Okay, now where does the definition of middle age fit in? Find your own age on the x axis. Look at the two lines. If the point on the line representing ideal boob size is higher than the sag curve, you are still young. Conversely, if the sag curve exceeds ideal size at your current age, then you my friend, are in the realm of middle age.

Summation. Middle age is the point in time at which the probability of excessive saggery exceeds expected sexual utlity of ideal breast size.

This is a work in progress, people. Keep your pitchforks at bay.
Click to expand...

You lost me at "take out a pen"
 
I need help!

pensivepoet said:
You lost me at "take out a pen"
Click to expand...
Actually just before there for me. I feel dizzy now!

But now that I'm here can anyone help me? Let me know if this link shows something slightly related to beyond middle age and whatever those things he was measuring are.

I have been trying since I joined to post actual photos. This could be one step closer for mankind.

http://i.imgur.com/C3Avko8.jpg
 
nerfhearder said:
Middle age is a period not an actual age and doesn't have much to do with life expectancy other than being before old age.
Click to expand...

middle

adjective
1.equally distant from the extremes or outer limits; central:
the middle point of a line; the middle singer in a trio.
2.intermediate or intervening:
the middle distance.
3.medium or average:
a man of middle size.
4.(initial capital letter) (in the history of a language) intermediate between periods classified as Old and New or Modern: Middle English.
5.Grammar. (in some languages) noting a voice of verb inflection in which the subject is represented as acting on or for itself, in contrast to the active voice in which the subject acts, and the passive voice in which the subject is acted upon, as in Greek, egrapsámēn “I wrote for myself,” égrapsa “I wrote,” egráphēn “I was written.”.
6.(often initial capital letter) Stratigraphy. noting the division intermediate between the upper and lower divisions of a period, system, or the like:
the Middle Devonian.

noun
7.the point, part, position, etc., equidistant from extremes or limits.
8.the central part of the human body, especially the waist:
He gave him a punch in the middle.
9.something intermediate; mean.
10.(in farming) the ground between two rows of plants.

Just in case you forgot what the word middle means.

And what you say is true, it is usually referring to a point in time that occurs in the span of someone's life. So Middle Age, could be 5 years either side of the middle of someone's life. And still, breast size has nothing to do with the definition of middle age.
 
I remember during the first week of calculus class, the professor expounded on the various uses for calculus, including precisely defining the curvature of a female body. But in three semesters, we never covered that particular equation, dammit.

A math thread for my 50,000th post. Neat.
 
imalickin said:
middle

adjective
1.equally distant from the extremes or outer limits; central:
the middle point of a line; the middle singer in a trio.
2.intermediate or intervening:
the middle distance.
3.medium or average:
a man of middle size.
4.(initial capital letter) (in the history of a language) intermediate between periods classified as Old and New or Modern: Middle English.
5.Grammar. (in some languages) noting a voice of verb inflection in which the subject is represented as acting on or for itself, in contrast to the active voice in which the subject acts, and the passive voice in which the subject is acted upon, as in Greek, egrapsámēn “I wrote for myself,” égrapsa “I wrote,” egráphēn “I was written.”.
6.(often initial capital letter) Stratigraphy. noting the division intermediate between the upper and lower divisions of a period, system, or the like:
the Middle Devonian.

noun
7.the point, part, position, etc., equidistant from extremes or limits.
8.the central part of the human body, especially the waist:
He gave him a punch in the middle.
9.something intermediate; mean.
10.(in farming) the ground between two rows of plants.

Just in case you forgot what the word middle means.

And what you say is true, it is usually referring to a point in time that occurs in the span of someone's life. So Middle Age, could be 5 years either side of the middle of someone's life. And still, breast size has nothing to do with the definition of middle age.
Click to expand...

Dude, you're wrong. Not sure why you have a problem with it. Middle age isn't a specific age. Never has been and it certainly isn't in your 30's.
Looking up the definition of the word middle instead of looking up middle age just shows that either you're a complete moron or you know you're wrong and can't admit it.
 
I guess this thread is for me since I'm a middle aged tit.


I'm not reading all of that, however.
 
I am technically middle-aged at 48 yrs old, but my boobs are 22.
We had a birthday party for them last week.
There was cake.
 
nerfhearder said:
Dude, you're wrong. Not sure why you have a problem with it. Middle age isn't a specific age. Never has been and it certainly isn't in your 30's.
Looking up the definition of the word middle instead of looking up middle age just shows that either you're a complete moron or you know you're wrong and can't admit it.
Click to expand...

Fine you look up Middle Age and paste the definition here then.

Never mind I did it for you...

mid·dle age
noun
the period between early adulthood(who in their right mind would put this at 45?) and old age, usually considered as the years from about 45 to 65.

The only problem I see is that 65 is nowhere near the middle or anyone's age and I would place the beginning of middle age closer to 40 or at 40.

And nowhere in either definition are breasts mentioned.

And, I would also wonder what the definition of middle age was 50 years ago, when people died long before their 70th birthday? And will middle age change as we live past age 80 consistently? I bet the answer is yes to both.
 
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