I Have a Nice Ass

Pyper

Lurking
Joined
Sep 19, 2000
Posts
12,211
I just recently discovered this. The events leading up to my discovery started with my roommate Ana and her boyfriend Humberto inviting me to go skiing with them in the Sierra Nevadas. This sounded like a great idea. Mind you, it only sounded great because I have never been skiing before in my life and did not realize it is the hardest sport in the WORLD!

After what seemed like several hours of piling on various layers of clothing, ski suits, and equipment, we were ready to whiz down the slopes like pros. Or, Humberto and Ana were, anyway. I was ready to become an out-of-control ski slope menace, because, you see, I’m GREAT at skiing. I just can’t stop.

I went zooming down the hill like some kind of terrible, badly-dressed juggernaut, other skiiers shouting directions at me in a multitude of foreign languages. Finally, I managed to brake to a stop without killing myself or anyone else, but I found myself on the edge of a VERY steep, VERY scary slope meant only for professionals. Humberto was about a hundred feet away, and kept telling me to push my body forward and basically ski sideways across the slope.

But it was amazing. Every time I tried to push my body forwards, I would slide BACKWARDS! It was totally against the rules of physics. I think there was something wrong with my skis. Eventually Humberto (who is a very patient guy) came to fetch me, and this is where the disaster began.

As I reached for his little ski pole thing that he held out to me, I lost my equilibrium (not that I ever had any in the first place), and went sliding down the hill. In the process, my skis, being the gigantic unwieldy things that they are, cause my left leg to twist in a totally unnatural position that wrenched my hip practically out of its socket. It hurt. A lot.

I writhed in agony for a while until they sent a snow jet ski thing to fetch me. Humberto and Ana promised to meet me at the bottom, and I was rushed off on the jet ski that actually had a siren. How embarassing. However, that was where the rushing stopped.

If you are ever in Spain, take my advice: Don’t get hurt. You will regret it. They took me to a little first aid station, where they asked me questions about how I got hurt, and then left me in a wheel chair. There were about ten Red Cross people just standing around chatting, but not a single one appeared inclined to see me. Finally, one asked me if I could move my leg or walk, which I couldn’t. Then I was ignored some more. Eventually they decided I was injured enough to go down the mountain, either that, or they just got tired of me sitting around crowding up the place.

I ended up plopped in the emergency room in the ski village, and was told to fill out more forms. Around me were about a hundred other people, all waiting to be seen, most of who did not speak Spanish and kept asking questions of the secretary (who only spoke Spanish) about how to fill out the forms. At this point, I decided to make a break for it. I could sort of walk if I leaned heavily on my skis, so I snuck out trying to look as healthy as possible. Thus, I escaped the clutches of socialized medicine.

Back home, after the several mandatory after-ski drinks at the bar with Humberto and Ana, I decided to examine myself for any bruising or swelling. However, this presented a problem. Mostly, the back part of my hip was where it really hurt, and I couldn’t get a good look back there just by twisting around (not to mention, twisting hurt too). So, I carefull stood up on the bidet (yes, we have a bidet) in front of the bathroom mirror with a little handheld mirror, and did the double mirror trick to get a good look at my hip.

At this point, I noticed I have a nice ass. I’d never given my ass much thought before. I’d never gotten a good look at it, it being behind me all the time, it was sort of like it wasn’t there. Of course, my ass was useful for sitting and such, but beyond utilarian purposes, it had been mostly ignored. Now, I realized, that my ass is actually rather nice looking, much better than most asses I have seen in the movies.

Luckily, my ass and leg seem to be recovering, although I still limp along like some kind of zombie, and my leg won’t move from side to side. Epilogue: Humberto and Ana want me to come skiing again on Saturday! :eek:
 
All that to find out you had a nice ass?
I could have told you that six weeks ago :D
 
I am so glad you did not hurt yourself and that along the way you discovered you have a nice ass. So many of us are still awaiting the event that causes us to have to check our posterior for damage thus discovering whether we too, have a nice ass.:D BTW ON a scale of 1 to 10 what would you give your ass? 1 being damn fine thanks mate to 10 which is uh huh huney my ass is soooo hot that you just can't handle it?:p
 
Hmm, I dunno, my ass is pretty good. I think I would give it a 9. It doesn´t get a 10 only because it is a little on the small side. :D
 
Well at least you a good New Year right?
I've had a quite enlightening one...
 
Pyper said:
Hmm, I dunno, my ass is pretty good. I think I would give it a 9. It doesn´t get a 10 only because it is a little on the small side. :D
Small? Upgrade to a 10 then. Great things come from small packages. :)
 
PYPER!!!

(((big annoying hug)))

Congratulations on your nice ass. How've you been?
 
I´ve been pretty good. I spent Christmas with my roommate´s family and her boyfriend´s family, which equalled non-stop partying. New Year´s I did the ski thing.

Oh, and an interesting piece of news, I am now an official resident of Spain! Yay! I just got my card today. It says FOREIGNER in big letters across the top. :eek:
 
No. I just discovered it, so I´m gonna keep it for a while to gloat.
 
Pyperina... Lavys going to be pissed she missed you.

Can't at least use it for a lil while?
 
No, beat it! ::slap´s Chef´s hands off her ass::

But tell Lavy I said hi.
 
Pyper

hope all is well for you. long time no see.

Happy New Year!
 
PYPER!!!!!! You're backkkkkkkkkk!!

Nice to see ya girlie!! Sorry abt your lil accident but glad to hear it wasn't much much worse! (You could have broken your neck, dangit!)

Batter... mmm nice ass ya got there Mister ;) haha
 
hey pyper

nice ass you got there.

cute story, too

how bout sharing a photo with us?
 
Great story...

Do keep us posted on the further adventures of your ass?

*smile*
 
~ grinning ~

~ Showing Pyper my BEST BUMMY badge ~

See? I got one, too!
 
not interested in your ass

but your writing is interesting. Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter
 
Back
Top