I hate this!

[PacificBlue]

I'm tired of feeling angry

I'm tired of not being strong enough

I'm tired of getting crapped on

I'm tired of getting yelled at

I'm tired of getting put down

I'm tired of feeling weak

I'm tired of being invisible

I'm tired of being used

I'm tired of being lied to

I'm tired of being left

I'm tired of feeling like I don't fit in

I'm tired of feeling self-concious

I'm tired of not having anyone to call to just laugh for awhile

I need one person I can be real with.

Just one.

 

[PacificBlue]

I know, I know...what happened to miss little positively annoying this past weekend...she's still around.

Being happy and being positive is a choice. It's a choice I have to make daily and sometimes hourly. This week has just been to much. I feel like I'm on the hardest journey of my life and I have those around me watching like hawks to see if I fail. I CANNOT FAIL!!! I WILL NOT FAIL!!!

so why do I want to just sit and cry tonight?

 

[nasty]

You're tired of feeling crapped on

well, you could crap on me. Seriously, though. Whenever I feel low, I get on Lit. Ypu know, you could PM me whenever.

 

[koalabear]

It would be much better for you to pet your kitty instead!

 

[Guest]

You just need a time out. Crying is not weak. Venting is not weak. Noone must be happy go lucky all the time, darlin'.
Be good to yourself. Do what you need to heal.

 

[Sillyman]

C'mere. *hug* Feeling good about yourself and feeling positive aren't really choices. You can exercise your will to change things so you will feel better, but there really is only so much you can do. Forcing yourself into a state you don't feel is only going to make things worse. So just go take a hot shower and cry for a while, listen to some sad music, just let yourself feel like shit, and know that you will get over it and everything will pass eventually. It's okay. Really.

 

[PacificBlue]

Ok...so here's my deal.

For those who don't know. I've been working my ass off *literally* at losing weight and developing a healthier lifestyle. I've been successful at developing positive habits and kicking some old ones. I have however hit a road block.

I'm an emotional eater. When I feel angry or feel like I'm in a situation where I can't really say what I feel...I tend to want to eat. Here in lies the problem...I took away my balm. I was "stuffing" my feelings, literally. I'm not doing that anymore and I have a whole range of emotion that I don't know what to do with. Before someone suggests professional help...been there two weeks ago...suggestion..."focus on finding your voice and using it"...a HELL of a lot easier said than done.

I would be disappointed in myself if I turned back now. I don't want to turn back....ok, maybe I want to because I'm scared. What if I use my voice and I still feel like an outcast?!?!?

 

[Cheyenne]

What about Overeaters Anonymous, or some group like that?

People in the same boat as you would have to be a help, I think.

 

[Guest]

It is ok to be scared.
Your journey will include setbacks. BUT, a setback does not equal failure. You can only do what you are capable of, at this moment in time. Breathe. Take it minute by minute. Try, try hard, not to worry so much about what if's.

And, lean on me. Lean on us.

 

[Laurel]

What about Overeaters Anonymous, or some group like that?

People in the same boat as you would have to be a help, I think.

Excellent advice.

 

[bluntforcemama]

I believe you've found the key to being human, PacBlue.

 

[TN_Vixen]

you have a lot of people you can be real with right on this board, that's the beauty of the internet. I applaude your efforts at trying to improve your health and your attitude, but if there's one thing I've learned in my 35 years it's that no one.. NO ONE can make you happy. You have to first be happy with yourself before you can expect to find a lasting friendship.

There are a lot of times I read your threads and feel like you have a lot of negativity in them... or "poor me" syndrome. I'm not being critical, just stating my impression. Well, ok, maybe I'm being a little critical, but only because attention gained by this method isn't satisfying and it seems to me that you're genuinely wanting a satisfying relationship/friendship with someone.

You can fix your eating habits a lot easier than changing your attitude. Work on that and the motivation and efforts to improve your health will seem effortless.

Unsolicited advice always gets me in trouble. I hope I didn't offend you.

 

[PacificBlue]

What about Overeaters Anonymous, or some group like that?

People in the same boat as you would have to be a help, I think.

I'm in a group and it is helpful. I attend once a week and they know I'm having a difficult time this week. Not the one you recommended but something similar.

I just need to hold on. Change is hard. Nobody ever said this would be easy and I certainly knew going into it that it would take commitment and dedication. The feelings I'm experiencing are new to me...things I haven't felt in a long time.

 

[Sillyman]

Write down a list of the things that piss you off. Try to stay calm about it, and dettached. Just write them all down. Big things and little things. Everything. Then share them with a friend and ask for advice. Try to give specifics when possible.

 

[PacificBlue]

Unsolicited advice always gets me in trouble. I hope I didn't offend you.

No offense taken. I see it in myself and I hear it from myself. I haven't figured out how to solve it yet. I'm working on it.

Thank you for your advice.

 

[nasty]

I'm going through the same thing...kinda

Since my vile threat last week, and, all the stuff zI spewed about my sexual frusteration, I'm going to see someone about it. I know that doesn't help you, but, I just wanted you to know, I'm in the same boat...sort of.