I Hate My Fucking Family!!!!!!!!!

[Fly_On_Wall]

OMG my family is soooo fucked up especialy my mother.

Jess is comeing to see me in a few days and is spending a week.

my mother a person who gives me no privecy at all. has been insinuateing the whole time I'm going to be sleeping on the couch downstairs so she can use my room.

i'm just been ignoreing my mother and told her to settle her mind that I'm going to use a sleeping bag on the floor. (just did'nt say Jess would be in it with me )

now my sister is going to be gone camping that weekend.... so my mom is telling me. Ohhhh Jess can sleep in my sisters bed.

fuck I can't get anything in the mail without her bugging me oh what was taht who sent you it?
if I go to the store she will open the bag if I don't tell her what I baught (makes it hard to buy for her birthday.

She knows i'm not sexual active yet. but noooo my sister and brother both had kids before 19 so taht means I get punished even though I managed the 19 year mark with no kids.

I can't fucking wait till next summer when I'm finaly able to get a place of my own.


Okay now a question for all you parents out there.
your son is 23, he pays rent, has faught his entire life for everything he has and has achieved. Is successful. and lives at home with you only for the purpose of he is helping you out with money cause you can't afford to live on your own.

would you not give him privacy? by not walking in his room that has no fucking door nob so therefor no lock when the door is shut? by not reading his mail because "it was on MY kitchen table"
and if his girlfreind visits would you seriously care where she slept? or need to know 'everything' about her?
I can understand a parent being curious about there kids friends but this is rediculous

so. how would you parent's out there acutaly react to this situation?

and remeber my mom is only 45. just truned last week. so she's not an old fasion girl.

 

[Mischka]

She'll smother you as long as you live at home. Sorry.

 

[riff]

Move out. It's the only solution.

 

[StondTmplPilot]

Her roof, her rules...sorry man

 

[bluemuse]

Move...NOW. For your own sanity.

 

[Summery]

Get out ASAP! If you want to stay sane. You already know nothings going to change.

I'm on AOL if you want to vent some more.

 

[InnocentAngel81]

sounds the situtation devilboy and i are in

 

[Starfish]

See, I agree with these guys, but it is odd, because that won't solve how your mother deals with you being an adult. That is what you are, and no matter what, she really has no right to pry where you don't want her.

I firmly believe that even if certain rules are set with adult children, that all people have a right to privacy. Even if you live in someone elses home.

Paying rent intitles you to your privacy. Don't be suprised if she is still a prying pain in your ass, after you've moved out. This isn't about rules, this is about neurosis.

Tell her that she can't go on prying into your personal matters because she is driving a wedge between you and her, and that you'll only resent her, and want to get away from a mother/son relationship alltogether when you leave.


It is so common that parents do this, and just so wrong in so many ways.
Being a parent doesn't entitle you to be a prying, offensive asshole.

 

[cybergirly]

I was in a similar situation, I moved back home briefly when I was 23 or 24 and had similar problems with my mother. I took the opposite approach. She wanted me to call her when I left work to let her know I was coming home. Well I worked 45 mins away so I called her every 5 mins on my way home "hi mom I'm here now just wanted to let you know" over and over again. I did everything I could to make sure that she "knew" everything I was doing. I then arranged for my boyfriend to come over and for her to "think" she had walked in on something. After a couple weeks of this I drove her to the breaking point and she left me alone.

 

[Bindii]

Sorry to hear your problems Fly.

Have you tried talking to your mother...without throwing accustaions letting her know how this lack of privacy makes you feel? You may find that she doesn't even know she's doing it. Explain to her that you are a responsible adult now and that you would appreciate her treating you as such (in a nice way of course). Tell her that she is pushing you away.

I'm a mother of a 13 year old girl and an 7 year old son yet I give them more privacy than you get it seems.

Edited to say:

Buy a doorknob for your door - with a lock!

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Get out ASAP! If you want to stay sane. You already know nothings going to change.

I'm on AOL if you want to vent some more.

no your not

sorry was just venting here people.

yes I know I have to move out.

I just need another year to get some money
me and a friend have already been looking into places.

but I also don't want to abandan my mom. she has MS so can't work and has hardly enough money to take care of herself and my sister.

well byt he time next summer comes and I've the money to move out my sister will have the money to take my place in helping my mom and herself.


I just wisht here were some way to get privacy in my own house.

I mean I"m changieng and she walks right in the fucking room.
she constantly says why don't you ever leave your room... and she then she fallows me around the house talking to me when I try to get away if I bombard my door with furniture she sits outside and keeps talking.

 

[ksmybuttons]

I'd buy a doorknob with a lock and use it. It is your space. You take care of it and keep your stuff in it. No reason for her to enter.

Or, move.

 

[bored1]

You are your parents child until they die, and for the most part they will behave that way at times throughout your life.The best thing for you to do is move out as soon as it becomes possible.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Thank you Starfish you know exactly how I feel

I know that that's what mothers do they are nosie. If I move out she will do the same thing call my house make sure I'm okay

but there are lines where they are supose to stop.

and you know the reason it bugs me so much is I'm the only one she treets this way. my older sister younger brother and even you younger sister (16) are all treeted older then me.

I have more money then all of them put together yet my parent's are concerened about my finatial afairs. my mother will talk tot he doctors along withme....

when your 23 and have to yell at your mother in a doctors office get the fuck out of the room i'm trying to disscuss MY problems with the doctor it's pretty fucking bad.

babied all my life. So what if I have mental problems. I've taken care of myself. unlike my sister who has two kids law troubles finatial troubles and constantly quiting jobs.

who gives a shit if i'm scitzophrenic. at least I know what I'm doing in life and plan things out. I don't spur of the moment like my brother quit his job and propose to his girlfriend the next day. and try to raise two kids with no job.

I don't up and leave the city for a week without telling anyone.

everyone always knows where I am and I always consult my parents before I make anything I think is a drastic change in my life.

I think there are other people in my family that need the attention i've been getting so much.

I just feel like beating the fuck out of my mother soooo much right now.... which is why i'm locked in my room right now (dresser not a real lock)

 

[Bindii]

Fly I feel for you. Your Mum is obvioulsy worried about you. Tell her that you are able to look after yourself - that you have been looking after yourself.

You seem to be good at writing our feelings down, why not write a letter to your Mum explaining how it makes you feel when she does these things...hang onto the letter for a dayor two, reread it and if its still apt then give it to her. Its one way to get your feelings across. If anything it will make you feel better.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

did that

she said yah yah okay. threw it out a few days later never read it

and I can't talk to ehr..... I throw things

 

[Starfish]

It's too bad that she does this. I wonder if she singles you out because you are the good one. Maybe she feels that there is NO hope in the others, so why bother? With you, you are a good person, and it may hurt her inside that you have problems, and the motherly thing to do is to try to step in and intervine.

I can totally realate to the problem of her trying to speak for you at the doctor's office. That is crap. My mom would always cut me off when i was trying to explain things to my doctor, because she was only trying to validate the problems to my doctor for me, so he didn't think I was faking it, however, she made me feel like she didn't view me as competant, when I am the most reliable person in my family, aside from my dad.


I fully relate, fly. I wish I had some more advice, but it is such a touchy situation. Maybe you should ask her if she over protects you because you are 'her only hope' or what? There has to be a specific reason if she does it to you and not the others.

 

[Bindii]

did that

she said yah yah okay. threw it out a few days later never read it

and I can't talk to ehr..... I throw things

I hate to say it but throwing things won't make it better...only worse. But I suspect that you already know that.

Do you have a person who could act as a go-between for you? Like a doctor etc who your Mum may listen to. She may not be listening to you because she is still seeing you as an independant child not an adult, but she might listen to someone else.

I'm really sorry that things are so bad for you a home right now, try to focus on the goodthings until you are able to move out.

Despite your Mum being so controling try to remember that she is doing it out of love...misguided though her tactics may be.

 

[Ice Cold]

Make her watch "Throw momma fromthe Train" then tell her to give you some privacy...

you've more than earned the right at your age.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

thanks starfish and bandii for that last bit there.

I think my ranting is subsideing.

and that is always what I though mabey she treets me different casue she knows the others won't listen even if she set's rules.

but it also makes me think my mom has been there ever time something has gone wrong and sacrificed so much for me where as the others well especialy my sister she has given up on and dosn't care if she gets in troubel or is havieng hard times. and I can get help from her for anything when needed the others can't.

I guess that is just the price I hav eto pay

bandii i've tryed everything to comunicate with her.
she's a stubuern women. I will get to talk with her one day.

okay off to bed in a bit. thanks again for listening to me go on.

 

[Sillyman]

Ah, the family of madness. I can relate heavily to your dilema. I can never get my grandmother to stop asking questions. "Where are you going? What are you doing? What are you reading? Who are they? Why? Why? Why? Have you done this yet?" Grrrr.

Then of course are constant lack of faith in my maturity or intelligence. "Save your money. Wear clean clothes for the job interview. Get your oil changed. Blah, blah, blah."

 

[Devilish1]

Fly, I know what your going through, im going through it too

Fly,
When i saw this posting i just HAD to read it. I can relate to what your going through.
Im the baby of 2 older half sisters. Neither of my parents raised their first born. SO i was babied all my life.

When i was talking about getting married, we couldnt find a place in our price range to buy a home or even rent. So we decided to go buy our OWN home. OK so it was a trailor but it was ours.
We was looking for land to put it, my parents offered us to put the trailor in the back yard of their home, claiming they wouldnt bother us. OK so we took up their offer. BIG MISTAKE!
Yes there was close to a acre between us but they saw anything and EVERYTHING that went on in our yard and home.
And BELIEVE me, they didnt mind telling ME about what my hubby did or didnt do right.
After 10 yrs of marriage and a beautiful son, we called it quits.
I got the home sincei t was on my parents land.
Thinking they wont treat me the same now that im on my own.
WRONG!

Ive been called a slut BY my MOTHER because the guy i was getting involved with stayed the night, while my son was at home, They know what time i get home from a date, what he looks like, and they will ask me who was that driving up your drive way at 1pm? No i dont have visiters at that time of night but if i did thats my business.
If i dont check all of our(snail) mail for all of us, my dad will check it when he gets home from work, they go through my mail( dont open it) If i havent paided a bill by a certain day and theysend me a reminder.. my parents will ask me," Didnt you pay that bill?"
I dont do anything right when it comes to my son, my life.
They critize every thing i do and every man i date.
Hes either got to many kids to suit them... not a good enough job... not good enough car.....etc. You get the idea.

I have recently lost my job so im living off of unemployment and child support and what tax return i got. I want to move away from here SO BADLY i can almost taste it. But till i can get another job.. i have to stay put.
I have told them to but out of my life... What i do and who i see and WHO i sleep with is my business.
That last oh. maybe a month.
My mom is disable also, so she cant get out and do things like she once did. So all she has is me to talk to and she wants me to live through me i think.
You know what you have to do, just stick to your guns and just keep reminding mom your not a baby anymore.
How else are you going to learn from your mistakes unless she lets you make them?
If you can stick it out 1 more year till your on your feet better, do it.
I know its going to be hard but you can do it.
Your alot younger than me, and with no kids to worry about like i do, you can do it.
As for your girlfriend coming to visit you. Ok, let her sleep in your sisters room. Does your sister have a door and door knob with a lock on it? Ok.. when mom is asleep, sneek off to your sisters room. If your mom catches you in the room with your girlfriend, well maybe this is what she will need to realize your not a little boy anymore and your not doing little boy things anymore.

Sorry about this being a little long..... Just thought i would have to tell you my story to let you know your not the only one who sometimes hates your family.