I hate mornings now.

[Ezarc]

The blues come every morning like an unwanted guest at my minds door. I don't miss or grieve for my mother. I just was never that close. My family all is taking this hard. I just am undefined blue.
I loath the begining of every new day. What am I going to fuck up next? And in what spectacular way?
I move in slow motion like a man half in a nightmare. My hands are shaking while I type this and don't have a clue to why.
I want to just run and hide but am too busy fucking things up to stop my life.
Kitte has been a blessing and I love her dearly. I just hope that her kindness and understanding will help me through this.
I am lost.

 

[Guest]

 

[Ezarc]

A tear or two escape from time to time. I just wish for a gusher so I can go on living instead of just breathing and taking up space.
I try to focus on the beauty that catches my eyes, but I can't get a good hold on those moments that I used to capsure so well.
So be it.
Thanks LL You are a true soul.
p.s. How are you and your friend doing?

 

[Guest]

 

[Ezarc]

*BIG HUGS*
I wish the best for her and you.

 

[Cheyenne]

The blues come every morning like an unwanted guest at my minds door. I don't miss or grieve for my mother. I just was never that close. My family all is taking this hard. I just am undefined blue.

I think you're taking it harder than you're willing to admit to yourself. We all grieve in our own way. You'll get through it though. In the mean time, you have us to cheer you!

 

[Suzi]

I am probably the last one you want to hear from....

...but I wanted you to know I understand. You are right...you need a good cry; it is cathartic. Some things are not good to hold inside. You may not have been close to your mother, but she was still your mother...know what I mean? That connection between mother and child is a strong bond. When she dies, no matter what happens in life, it will still have an effect on you. It will leave a sense of emptiness, abandonment. Perhaps you needed closure...time to figure out WHY you were never close to your mom, time to talk with her one-on-one. It is hard to say.

I am sorry to come across as a know it all....I know that I don't!
Strange as it sounds, I only wanna help. So please accept this the way it was intended.

Suzi

 

[peachykeen]

ez close or not she was still your mom. you might actually be grieving for what could have been as much as what was. let yourself feel however you feel. you're only a human being, bro. there might never be a cathartic 'big cry', or one might hit you when you least expect it.

peace and hugs

 

[Ezarc]

Shower, moving and now semi-functional I face the new day. The sun is shining through the windows. That helps some.
Thanks to all.
Ezarc

 

[ksmybuttons]

Mourning. It is such a difficult time and my heart goes out to you. Mourning is a process. You have to do it. You can put it off or you can accept that it is something you need to do and travel the road.

It is a time when I become introspective, too. That is a good thing, I think. It is what helps us grow from the process: to question one's self and take the information, accept it, and use it in a positive fashion.

When we have other things that we are also mourning, if we haven't completely dealt with them, they will also come back at the new event and make it so much more difficult.

You can do it now, you can put it off and try to ignore it, but you will mourn. Do it now or do it later with interest.

Good luck in your journey, have faith that this, too, will pass and you will be so much stronger when you have reached the other side.

And even though I have never received a hug from you, I offer you a hug and to take your own advice of being kind and loving to yourself, too. Take care.

 

[Suzi]

*creeps up behind him....*

Shower, moving and now semi-functional I face the new day. The sun is shining through the windows. That helps some.
Thanks to all.
Ezarc

*pounces on him and gives him a big hug..then runs...looks back, grins and runs away*

Glad to see you improving, D!

 

[red_rose]

 

[pipercatt]

babydoll,

I hadn't seen my father in over 10 years, when I got a letter from him telling me that he had only a few months to live. He asked me to visit him, if I wanted, before he passed on.

I'd seen my father less than an handful of times in my life. Mostly by his choice, then by mine. And I chose not to see him before he passed away.

And while I didn't, and still don't, regret seeing him before he passed, I still found that I mourned him. Maybe I just mourned what could have been, had he chosen to be a father to me.

Anyway, the point is, your relationship with your mother might not have been the best, but she was your mother, and you have a right to feel as you do. Don't bury it down inside of you. Feel it, own it, and then heal. You have a lot of friends that love you, and will help you anyway they can. And know that I am one of them.


Hugs to you, Ez, luv...