I hate feeling hurt because strangers don't want to sleep with me.

[Whispersecret]

This is in response to Nicole’s “A Question????” Thread, where she asked "Who from this BB would you like to fuck?". Nicole, what motivated you to start another thread like that when you knew darn well that this area had already been covered?

It seems silly, I know, to get hurt over not being wanted by people I don't know. (And thank you, Roger and TurgidT, for wanting me. <big hugs> Now, I don't have to run for the suicide hotline number. (Just kidding. I’m not a suicidal person.)

I'm going to put my complete vulnerable self on the line here. I’ll warn you now; this is going to be one of those “too much information” situations. Feel free to move on to the other lighthearted threads.

Seriously, I DO think I have some sort of wish to punish myself. I knew the minute I read Nicole’s initial post what type of thread it was going to be, and I vowed not to come read it. I really didn't want to know if I didn’t end up on anyone’s list, knowing I'd likely get my feelings hurt. Ignorance is bliss, right?

I succeeded in staying away for quite a while, but morbid curiosity eventually drove me to check it twice. This situation reminds me a lot of being in school when they'd pick teams for sports. I never did try to play those games. As a kid I guess I had more sense than to purposely subject myself to possibilities for public humiliation. Anyone else identify with this?

However, right now I do feel a distinct need to review what I consider my strong points to balance out the blow to my self-esteem.

Here's my inner angel/devil dialogue:
"You would have been picked by more people if you'd flirted more. If you had focused your posts more on sexual innuendo, blatantly asked if there were volunteers for this or that sex act, etc. you would have been popular. This isn't high school, you know. No one can actually see you. You can portray yourself as some sexy siren and no one can look at you, shake their heads and scoff. Get out there, girl. You can write flirtatious posts as well as anyone."

"Don't listen to that. Don't you dare stoop to putting on some kind of fake identity just to make yourself feel better and get recognition from people you don't even really know. Take heart that there are some people here who respect your heartfelt, thoughtful opinions. Someone even called you classy once. Classy is better than sexy!"

"Bullshit. Classy is nice, but when you get right down to it, do you see the guys here listing names and saying it's because they're fucking classy? No way. Face it. You can count the number of guys who asked you out on one fucking hand. This is your chance to even things out.”

“Yeah, but when you’re sixty and no longer remotely sexy, you’ll still be classy and intelligent, and--if you beat your bulletin board addiction and get back to your writing--you’ll have been on the bestseller list many times over. Don’t beat yourself up. Back when you were dating, the guys were immature and more interested in looks than brains. You’re married now. Someone liked you enough to marry you!”

“That’s true…but does hubby ever tell you how pretty you look?”

“Don’t listen to that! Your kids do. Remember? ‘Mommy, you look really pretty.’ They’ve said that plenty of times when you got dressed up.”

“They’re KIDS. <snorts> Not the same thing at all.”

“This whole line of thought is completely ridiculous. You KNOW that you are a worthwhile person. You know that. This bulletin board is all about surface.”

“Yeah, but you put you inner self up here all the time. You know you do. And they still don’t want you...”


Yeah, well, there you go. It still hurts. Inside, way down deep where I try not to go too often. Maybe I’m the only pathetically insecure person out here. (I’m really not schizophrenic. I don’t have multiple personality disorder. The angel/devil thing just seemed to be the simplest way to get my thoughts down.)

Whisper's self-flagellation hour is over.
You may now go back to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[Fox]

*pats Whisper on the back* Y'know, Whisper, I didn't get picked either, and I was secretly hoping to be; I knew what kind of thread it'd turn out to be too.

And I sort of did the angel/devil dialogue, too, and really reasoned that maybe this looks like a game that we played in school, but I'm not in school anymore. There are other things that are going on, and if I don't get picked, it doesn't mean that I'm any less valuable in terms of the BB. I decided that there are some 16,000 posts on teh BB right now. 16,000! Of those 16,000, only about 60 are mine. And stuff that was posted a week ago, is moving rapidly down the list. Stuff that was posted a month or more ago on the general board are on completely different pages, if they still exist on the server or not. That means that once everyone is done posting about fucking so and so, there'll be another post that comes up.

And I can't hardly count the number of times I've read really good posts from Whispersecret. It's stuff that makes you think, stuff that makes a more lasting impression than just so and so put me on their "fuck me" list. And in some cases, it's just as erotic as "I'd like to fuck so and so..." or more. Whisper, attraction lies not in who or how many you bed, but how you related to them both in and out of bed. And in your case, you're one of the best of them all!

Cheers!
Fox

 

[ShyGuy68]

Whispersecret

Let me first say that I'm sorry that you are a bit hurt by this.

I have to admit that I'm very surprised that so many women chose me. I knew that maybe 2 or so would choose me, but when the other put me on their list, my jaw almost hit the my desk in amazement, because I have no clue why I got on their lists.

I can’t say why you aren’t on my list, but it’s not because I have anything against you, and you are always making good points in your post.


ShyGuy

 

[Cyra_3]

If I were that way inclined WS I would definately have put you on my list, especially after reading Hostile Takeover. I have a feeling that you are a very passionate and sensual person and to me that is far more important than the ability to flirt.

 

[Laurel]

I want to sleep with you, Whispersecret. I don't want to have sex with you, but I think we could cuddle down for an afternoon nap. That sounds lovely, doesn't it?

Well, if it's any consolation, the only reason I made lists is my Madam title... Maybe I'll let you carry the title around for a bit!

 

[Skitten]

*Hugs* Dear lady; don't feel bad, heck it is only a silly post and people are just having a little fun and that is all that it is a little fun. Please don't read to much into it. Just smile and know that all of your posts help a lot people and I know that I enjoy them so don't worry about it.

 

[Gingersnap]

I don't think you should worry about it although I do understand. As long as you are putting yourself out there so will I.
I wasn't on anyone's list. I had to grow a thick skin a long time ago. I was a skinny gawky girl in school. I was thown out at 15 and not one of my siblings or parents will have anything to do with me. So yes I know what it feels like to be ignored and never be special in anyone's eyes. I could go on and on about the terrible things that happened to me. Everybody has days they feel hurt and undervalued. I happen to think you have a very thoughtful considerate point of view. For what it's worth I do enjoy reading your posts. Okay I am shutting up now

 

[Laurel]

Woohoo Gingersnap! Skinny Gawky Girls of the World Unite!

Like Skitten said, it's only a post. It's fun to read, especially the reasoning behind why people pick who they pick. The reason I haven't participated is that I find so many of people here sexy (men and women) at some point or another and I KNOW that I'll forget one or two or three or a dozen. Like someone said, if you've made me laugh or think, I probably wanna do you.

 

[Wizard]

Whispersecret, This is why I did not make list up to turn in . This list was all in fun not to hurt anyone but fact is I'm happy to be married and the chance of anyone of us hooking up are slim to none.
I enjoy the company of both the males and females on this board they are like a extened faimly to me, where alot of fun can be had.
Do not take it personal ....it was just in fun.

 

[Nicole]

Whispersecret, like Skitten said (oh Thank-you Thank-you Skitten) it was just a silly post that I started BECAUSE I happen to talk to alot of members Privatly, and they all have there very sexy (or if you like classy) sides and they also ALL have their venurable side's.

I was just interested to know WHY people feel a connection through a Bulletin Board and WHO they feel that special connection too. It was just me being me, in other words it was me being nosy if you like (which I stated in my very first post).

So Basicaly what I was saying (or asking) was a simple question that was not meant to hurt anyone in the least. I am sorry if I did indeed hurt anyone, That was NOT my intention.

I mean Please, don't you think things round here need to be ligtened up for awhile. Just have fun and enjoy yourself. That is the whole purpose for some people coming here. How about I start a thread "Who on this Board Pisses you off the most" would that make any of you happier?

I am here to have fun, I am here to make some good friends (I even found love), And yes I accept that there are always going to be people out there that don't like me, or ever want to get to know me. But I happen to like everyone on this board. I just didn't pick you because I am not at all comfortable with Same sex situations.

I hope this helped you understand why I did ask that Question. I also apologize to anyone that may have been hurt by a thread (or for that matter) a comment (anywhere on the Board) that I may have started or said. I am sorry.

 

[Laurel]

No need to apologize, Nicole! It's a great idea, and a fun post to read.

 

[Guest]

WHISPER SECRET - I think you're really pretty, 'cause your kids say you are, and I believe them. Kids don't bother lying to protect someone's feelings. They've got better things to lie about.

“They’re KIDS. <snorts> Not the same thing at all.”

I thought when I was was 8 that Debbie Harry, Audrey Hepburn, Joanna Lumley (from The New Avengers) and Princess Leia were pretty women, and I was right. Kids know a pretty woman when they see one.

Probably the only reason your husband doesn't tell you he thinks you're pretty is 'cause you've been together so long he's got into the habit of not telling you. He's thinking it to himself. He thinks you know that he still thinks you're pretty. He doesn't realise you need to hear it, too. He'd probably be a bit embarrassed to tell you out loud how pretty he thinks you are, 'cause men aren't always very good at giving compliments and they sometimes feel uncomfortable talking about stuff like that. So, if you've got the nerve, you could tell him you want to hear him saying it. Of course, this is where the other side of the dilemma comes in, 'cause you're probably sitting there thinking, I shouldn't have to tell him what I'm thinking - he should just KNOW. But what you have to remember about men is we NEVER know what you're thinking and we're always a lot stupider than you give us credit for.

By the way - I was serious about that Policewoman Uniform. I think you'd look really hot in it.

GINGERSNAP - you've always been on my list. Nothing wrong with skinny gawky girls in my book.

roger
xx

 

[Nicole]

Thank-you Laurel

But I do mean what I say, If at any time I have offended ANYONE then I'm sorry about that. I'm not here to hurt or make people feel bad, I'm here to have fun.

Please just enjoy yourself's, Makes for a better world out there.

 

[Whispersecret]

Okay, geez. I was JUST NOW able to get back online, and I zoomed directly here to delete my asinine post. After thinking about it I realized how ridiculously needy I sounded. LIke, "Please someone make me feel better. I'm so worthless. Boo hoo."

I'm not going to edit it out, though. So there. Anyone who wants to can some and see Whispersecret stripped bare. <smiles wryly>

Laurel, I'd love to lay on a chaise lounge on a summer night and hold hands and chat with you. You know, like you used to with your girl friends in school. No sexual feelings at all, just a shared connection between females.

In fact, people have talked in the past of having a Literotica Gathering, and I would attend, but only if it was going to be something other than a fuck fest. (As much as I can be tempted, I'd like to remain faithful.)

I would love for it to be at someone's house--a place with a large backyard and maybe a firepit. We could barbeque some chicken, some corn on the cob, and talk all night about this and that. Maybe we could even bring spouses. (If people promised not to divulge anything disparaging I might have said about my husband.)

Nicole, I'm sure you never set out to hurt anyone, however, this whole line of thinking was covered before. My question was, why AGAIN?

Yeah, wizard, I very definitely tried to not take it personally, but has anyone ever really been able to DO that?

If you come across a situation that hurts your feelings, you can't really control that. At least, I can't. I can't make up my mind to be angry, or sad, or happy, etc. I CAN control whether I dwell on my self-pity, in this case, or not. But that initial hurt? No way.

I wallowed. Now I have to stop. End of story!

Okay, I lied. I just thought of something. It's really not so bad getting stuff out of your system like that. I've always been an independent person who doesn't like to ask for help on anything. I hold a lot inside. So thanks to all of you for listening. You made me feel better. It's like going to a therapist, but much cheaper.

 

[Laurel]

In fact, people have talked in the past of having a Literotica Gathering, and I would attend, but only if it was going to be something other than a fuck fest. (As much as I can be tempted, I'd like to remain faithful.)

From the posts, I doubt it'd be a fuckfest. Granted, I think there'd be some fraternizing in the ranks, but you people are way to interesting to just fuck. At least, I hope so - Manu expects me to be a good girl, too.

That's what shocks me every day. Sometimes it's hard to believe it's a sex site, the posts are that good. You guys are smart, and funny as hell - sometimes even intentionally.

 

[Nicole]

Whispersecret you ask WHY? did I start the thread again?????

Okay and I must just stress here that I did indeed State WHY when I asked the question.

"NEW MEMBERS" that is my reason behind asking. You see most of my friends come from the era that I joined up. I just wanted to know who felt what about who (if that makes sense).

Okay, Okay, already I am SORRY for making you feel the way you do, I did not mean to do that. I AM SORRY.

 

[Wizard]

Glad to hear your feeling better and you DO have friends here.

 

[Whispersecret]

Roger, it isn't that he should KNOW that I want to hear it. I don't ascribe to that philosophy. If I want something for my birthday, I tell him. How else is he supposed to know?

But on the subject of verbal compliments, this is the true dilemna for me. Let's pretend I said, "Honey, I'd really like it if you told me that I looked pretty once in a while." First of all, it's iffy that he'd even get the hint even if I flat out told him. But let's say for the sake of argument he did say one night, "Gee, sweetheart you look pretty tonight." I would automaticaly think, "He's only saying that because I asked him to, not because he honestly thinks I look pretty."

That probably sounds idiotic, and maybe it's a girl thing. Or maybe I'm just determined to think of myself as unattractive, even if my husband says different. I don't know. I guess I should just date my sons. JUST KIDDING.

So, for any little girls out there that my sons will eventually date, I'm going to make sure they know that all women like to be told how pretty they look.

Oh, and Felix, if your petite girlfriend is like me, she will appreciate being told she looks beautiful, or sexy, or lovely, or pretty once in a while. We short girls get "cute" all the time, which isn't the same thing at all.

 

[Laurel]

Some guys are more verbal than others, and some girls need their men to be more verbal while other girls do not. Being an insecure mess, I happen to thrive on cutesy compliments and teasing. I love to hear my name - it makes me feel like the guy knows he's with me, and is happy about it. I know it's weird, but it's true.

I'm lucky, because Manu's a sweet-talker (but in the genuine sense - he's not a player). Long ago when we first met, I was bemoaning the fact that the guy I dated at the time never, ever said my name. Manu never forgot that, not to this day. He makes up funny half-rhymes and silly songs with my name. He sneaks in compliments in every day life.

Sure, he looks at other girls when we're out and about. You could be Helen of Troy and your man's still gonna turn his head when a little braless tank top coed walks by. It's part aesthetic reaction, part male instinct. Though we know this, it's still hard for us girls to not compare ourselves to the oglee, even though our guy isn't making comparisons.

But I know what you mean. If you tell your guy you want more compliments, it defeats the purpose. The worst part is that he probably feels all the things for you that you want him to express, but it doesn't occur to him to say it to you.

 

[Nicole]

[This message has been edited by Nicole (edited 05-29-2000).]

 

[Guest]

NICOLE. Woah, chill, babee. None of this is directed at you or your thread. This is me replying to Whisper's last posting. I started writing this hours ago but my computer crashed and I had to start again from scratch. I'm completely lightened up since I wrote it (I've just had a bit of toast and jam) and have a big smile on my face. Still gonna post it though, 'cause it took me ages to do.

Don't read this if you're going to take it all personally 'cause that's not the way it's intended. I'm glad you started your strand. It's interesting to see who people choose for their list and it's fun to do.

WHISPER SECRET. That's a total Catch 22 you're in, and I don't know the solution. Maybe you could ask your husband outright to say how he thinks you look (rather than: 'I want to hear you saying once in a while how pretty you think I am'). But even then there's the danger that if he says complimentary things, you'll be wondering if he's just saying them to make you feel good about yourself. Whenever people feel a bit vulnerable or lacking in self-confidence they always tend to look for hidden meanings behind what people say. If you're not used to getting compliments, it's not easy to accept them. They can make you feel uncomfortable and start you wondering what's REALLY being said. This is totally irrational but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

As far as you and your husband. What about the other side of things? Do you often tell him how handsome, witty, intelligent, or whatever, you think he is? He may be there thinking the same as you ('Why doesn't she ever say I'm good looking? Doesn't she find me attractive any more?"). You're maybe both stuck in a bit of a rut with this. The only way you'll break out of it is if one of you makes the first move. If you start being more open in complimenting your husband, you'll probably find that he becomes more open in the same way.

When I discover the 'A Question?' strand, I put myself through the same turmoil as you. We all like to feel that we're intelligent, or witty, or charming, or charismatic and that people will be able to pick this up from our writing. If you don't make it onto any of these lists you start to think Am I realy that unmemorable? It was a while before I appeared anywhere and it's silly how happy it made me feel when I did.

I know that the reason all this strand seemed so important to me is 'cause I split up with a long-term girlfriend this year (we were together ten years) and I'm feeling a bit unloved in real life at the moment. This isn't something I can easily control 'till I get a new meaningful relationship on the go. I know that I've been compensating for this by becoming addicted to the internet. First it was AOL chat rooms, and then I discovered this BB.

The only reason I'm telling you this is 'cause I think I know why you were so hurt by that strand. I think you're feeling a little bit unloved and unnatractive in real life, so when this seems to be backed up by things on the BB it makes you feel even worse. I think that if you can somehow get your husband to open up more about how he feels for you, you'll become a lot more confident in yourself, so that the next time someone starts a 'Who's the sexiest on the board?' strand you'll see it for the lighthearted fun it's intended to be. You won't even care if you don't make it onto some of those lists.

I used to be a psychiatric nurse. (And, no, Deborah - I didn't wear a uniform.) Someone told me during my training that the solution to almost every problem is to take some kind of positive action. People spend too long thinking and analysing and getting themselves all upset instead of actually doing something about it. If people aren't giving you as much attention as you need, you have to somehow draw their attention to this. If you need to hear your husband say he loves you and that he finds you totally attractive you're probably going to have to find a way of talking to him about it. Folk don't change unless you prompt them to.

It's kinda like Laurel letting Manu know what she wanted from the relationship by showing what she didn't like about the last one.

OK. That's me done. One day I'll follow my own advice, find a nice new girlfriend for myself and stop being such a pain in the butt to people on the BB.



luv
roger
xx

 

[Whispersecret]

Yikes, Nicole. Between your second to last post and your last post, there was nothing directed at you or your "fun" thread. I formally accept your apology. Okay? Game over!

I think that the lesson here for me is that I must be stronger in my resolve not to read threads like that. Obviously most people find them fun and I'm a party-pooper. Nicole, I now apologize to you. Go ahead and post whatever threads you want. Make the board fun for the masses. You're very good at that. I mean it. Everybody loves you.

We are now completely off the topic of your thread and we're talking about men complimenting their women. Let's hear from the guys! Do you tell your ladies what they want to hear? Because, if you haven't gotten the hint from Laurel and me, we really dig being told how much you love, appreciate, and drool over us. Don't assume we already know because you told us yesterday, last week, last year, when we got married...

[This message has been edited by whispersecret (edited 05-28-2000).]

 

[Nicole]

Okay so sorry about that last post, I sotra lost it there (Doesn't happen too often). Although Jason may disagree of course

Everybody loves me? Yeah I don't think so.

It's just that I did happen to take this personaly and I shouldn't have done that. Made me a little crazy there for awhile I'm fine now and I really do apologize for that, and like I stated earlier if I have hurt anyone else out there please forgive me Thank-you.

 

[Laurel]

Now, now... Let's everybody take a deeeeep breath. And hold it. Now let it out slowly.

Now take another breath. Let it out.

Do it again.

Faster.

FASTER!

Do you feel dizzy? Really dizzy? Like you're gonna throw up?

Okay, stop.

Isn't this FUN!?

 

[Melody_lane]

*rubbing her ass*

Oww....I hate being dizzy!

teehee