I finally got it up!

[litchipking]

So here it is - the story that I struggled to fit into a category. Thanks to all who offered advice. I ultimately decided to follow AS's suggestion and put it in Lesbian, although as I mentioned in a previous post, this story will eventually dip into almost every category on the board.

I truly value the comments from all readers but none more so than those of the gifted writers and editors I read on this board. Please let me know what you think as I have grand plans for this series.

Erotic Writing Workshop - Part 1

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=355212

 

[litchipking]

One more time

*bump*

Did I do something wrong? I thought I would get at least one writer to comment but so far - nothing.

I guess I'm a little nervous about this story because I have several more chapters I am currently working on. The public comments I have received have been great but the voting has been mediocre.

Is the voting lower because it is in the wrong category or are there problems with the story? I really want to hear from you, the writers.

Post or PM. In the meantime, I promise to be reading your stories.

Chip

 

[tickledkitty]

Hey, Chip.

I read maybe most of the first page of this. It's very well written despite a couple mistakes I saw. I'm not able to concentrate enough to finish it right now but will try to get back to it later when I'm less scattered. I did want to comment now, though, because of your concerns.

Again, it's really well written. One mistake I did notice was your use of the word wonder when it would have been appropriate to use wander.

Also, when you began to refer to the cowboy by his real name, it took me a bit to figure out you were still referring to the same person. It's not horrible, but I think you could have clarified it a bit better or perhaps a little sooner.

The story is engaging, and I did want to read further. The work you've put into it is apparent, and, in my opinion, it's definitely worth continuing.

Not sure what to say about the voting. I can never figure it out either.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Oh well, I seemed to have failed you, Chip. That's my bad. Perhaps the story was so engrossing that I forgot to edit!

As I've gone back and checked I see that not all of my suggestions were implemented, which is the writer's choice, as it should be. But it's still a helluva great story!

 

[jomar]

Oh well, I seemed to have failed you, Chip. That's my bad. Perhaps the story was so engrossing that I forgot to edit!

As I've gone back and checked I see that not all of my suggestions were implemented, which is the writer's choice, as it should be. But it's still a helluva great story!

Nice start to your story, litchipking. I liked the way she was detached from cowboy's efforts. I didn't have time to read past the first page. In fact, for some reason here I tend to not read if stories go past two pages. I miss a lot of good ones though.

And AsylumSeeker is responsible for ALL the mistakes in my Chase Cooder story. And probably had something to do with mistakes in the rest of them.

 

[tickledkitty]

Ok, I read more. I noticed you used whinny when it should have been whiney.

Tessa arrived home to find a petite woman with blonde spiky hair and a nose ring, sitting on the steps outside her apartment. Putting a cigarette between her lips and a cell phone under her chin, Bonnie walked to the cab to help carry in the luggage.

"So, how was the Phoenix shoot?" Her agent absently pocketed her phone and tossed her cigarette butt in the grass before following Tessa into the small apartment.

This part was confusing again. I think it would have been better to say in the first paragraph Tessa arrived home to find her agent, Bonnie, sitting on the steps outside her apartment. Or something like that. Then add the stuff about the spikey hair and nose ring somewhere after that. You don't have to actually describe her right there. It might be nicer to do it during the sex or leading up to it. She ran her fingers through her spikey blonde hair. Or something like that.

You also used cum and come. It's ok to use either (or both of them) but you have to be consistent. I think the general consensus here is that come is the action, and cum is the stuff.


I thought the part with the sex in the story and the sex in the book happening at the same time was brilliant. Very hot.

Again, well written. Good job, Chip.

 

[litchipking]

Disclaimer

In defense of AssylumSeeker, it seems that I mistakenly submitted the wrong version of my story. He caught all of the mistakes that have been mentioned and I made corrections and thought I had saved it properly and then submitted. I never read the story once it was posted, having already read it dozens of times.

So to amend my preface, ALL mistakes are COMPLETELY the fault of the AUTHOR. He is a total FOOL and apologizes publicly to AS for putting his name to a story that has so many careless errors. He really did an awesome job.

**************************************

BUT PLEASE STILL READ THE STORY. I did try for some creativity and the fictional world I am attempting to create could be a lot of fun to get lost in.

Thanks to all who have read and responded so far. You guys are great.

Chip