I feel safer already

[Problem Child]

Heard over the PA system of your next commercial air flight?


Pilot:

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for traveling United Airlines flight 6537, non-stop from San Francisco to Dallas. Our aircraft is a Boeing 757 and we will be reaching a cruising altitude of 33,000 ft. and traveling at an average speed of 500 knots. Fairly soon we will be crossing the California/Arizona border and you will see the Grand Canyon on your left.

As for me, well, I'm proud to say that today I'm packing a Smith & Wesson model 686 .357 magnum revolver in a stainless steel finish. Today's loads for my weapon are my own personal handloads using a 148 grain jacketed hollow point bullet with a muzzle velocity of 1540 feet per second. These rounds are guaranteed to tear a hole the size...well, the size of the Grand Canyon in any terrorist or hijacker stupid enough to try and take over this aircraft. *casual laughter*

My co-pilot today is carrying a Kimber custom .45 caliber semi-automatic with all the bells and whistles, and our navigator is carrying a sweet little Walther PPK in .380 auto. All in all, we have enough firepower on board to take out anyone and whatever boxcutter they might have smuggled onboard, so lean back, settle in, relax and enjoy your flight.

And...thank you for flying the friendly skies."


(note: this little bit was shamelessly ripped off and adapted from last night's Art Bell radio program)

 

[Worm]

Like It!

 

[CoolidgEffect]

Are they going to do away with all that delicate instrumentation in those commercial airplanes. I don't know much about flying, but I don't see how you can fire a weapon in the cockpit and not hit something important.

Instead of guns I have a better idea. When the hijacker enters the cockpit, a couple of those couple inflatable co-pilots like in the movie “Airplane” sandwich the bastard.

 

[Purple Haze]

What took them so long?

 

[Spinaroonie]

(note: this little bit was shamelessly ripped off and adapted from last night's Art Bell radio program)

And you say I'm insane. The art bell show... I've never heard more bizarre stuff in my life

"And then the flying Zither began to converse with me, and it said the government has a secret breeding program for unicorns. Unicorns! The Zither said it! It must be true!"

 

[sunstruck]

I think the flight atendants should have stun guns. Mostly to shut up the dub fuck who inevidibly sits right in front of me and tries to talk bonds with the man next to him who's really just trying to enjoy a mid flight martini.

 

[WhatsHerName]

Some how hearing that wouldn't make me feel any safer...who is to say that one of those over worked..drunk pilots isn't going to get trigger happy??

 

[Private Vasquez]

It'll be fun when the stewardess bursts into the cockpit unexpectedly.

 

[Problem Child]

Re: Re: I feel safer already

And you say I'm insane. The art bell show... I've never heard more bizarre stuff in my life

"And then the flying Zither began to converse with me, and it said the government has a secret breeding program for unicorns. Unicorns! The Zither said it! It must be true!"

I never said you were insane, only paranoid to point of paralysis.



But you're still funny, and funny counts for a lot.

 

[Problem Child]

I think the flight atendants should have stun guns. Mostly to shut up the dub fuck who inevidibly sits right in front of me and tries to talk bonds with the man next to him who's really just trying to enjoy a mid flight martini.

Actually, with proper training, I think stun guns are a great idea for the cabin crew. They could be kept locked up and used to control those unruly fuckers that seem to act up more and more on planes these days.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

I would feel safer with stun guns than I would with real guns in the cabin.

 

[bknight2602]

I have a few friends that are pilots, they all wanted real guns, not axes(which they had before) or small arms. If someone broke into the cabin, they were dead not injured. Most of these guys were ex-military so I guess it goes with the territory.

There was a good concern about drunk pilots and guns, that one will have to be dealt with eventually. Hopefully no fatal accidents happen because of this.

 

[Freya]

There was a good concern about drunk pilots and guns, that one will have to be dealt with eventually. Hopefully no fatal accidents happen because of this.

But so far they aren't worrying about drunk pilots and large aircraft?