I DO have some free-verse, non-rhyming poetry

[interracial_sex]

I may not prefer writing (or reading) this particular style but that's not to say I haven't dabbled in it. I came cross a couple as I was editing and copying the 1,703 poems from hard drive to cd today.

My Mother, My Country

heavy laden and tired
she crawls slowly forward
each generation clings to her back
but that is her way

she gives of herself
freely and without thought
to love unconditionally
is the design of her heart

she opens her arms
to those without refuge
giving birth to the future
and the ideal of freedom

her existence means little
outside of her children
for she holds them all dear
in her bosom of peace

she is my country
the mother of opportunity
I am her son
and I am proud of America.

Don R. Williams, Jr.

Copyright ©2003 Don R. Williams, Jr.


The Color of God
Dedicated to the victims of the Alabama church fires.

Structures of God
engulfed by the flame
burning the faith
of all who believe

At the foot of the cross
the ashes of religion
singing the feet
of all who approach

A doctrine of hatred
preaching with fervor
striking the match
the denomination will burn

The pews of division
where righteousness sits
to the right of the throne
as Godliness suffers

On an altar of prejudice
crucifying our own
the blood of ALL children
is the color of God.


Don Williams, Jr.

Copyright ©2003 Don R. Williams, Jr.

 

[champagne1982]

<snip>
The Color of God
Dedicated to the victims of the Alabama church fires.

Structures of God
engulfed by the flame
burning the faith
of all who believe

At the foot of the cross
the ashes of religion
singing the feet
of all who approach

A doctrine of hatred
preaching with fervor
striking the match
the denomination will burn

The pews of division
where righteousness sits
to the right of the throne
as Godliness suffers

On an altar of prejiduce
crucifyingour own
the blood of ALL children
is the color of God.


Don Williams, Jr.

Copyright ©2003 Don R. Williams, Jr.

Hello. I think you would find this poem would have a stronger impact if you substituted the gerunds, which I've taken the liberty to highlight in red, with the non-'ing' endings of the actual noun, rather than keeping them verbs.

I know this will entail some editing on your part and I don't know how much you bother with your poems after you've written them, but I think the subject matter deserves a stronger voice. Thanks for sharing, these, your less-favoured poems.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Thanks for sharing, these, your less-favoured poems.

What poems?

 

[Christina O. Leigh]

What poems?

The wannabe's in your sig line.

 

[vampiredust]

What poems?

Maybe they're hidden like the 5th dimension

(my inner geek smiles)

 

[interracial_sex]

Simplicity, symmetry, structure and present tense.

 

[annaswirls]

I may not prefer writing (or reading) this particular style but that's not to say I haven't dabbled in it. I came cross a couple as I was editing and copying the 1,703 poems from hard drive to cd today.

It is great that you have flexibility in your writing. I need to dabble more in form. It is sad that your second poem feels like it could have been written yesterday...

thanks for sharing! are you looking for feedback or just to share some of your older works?

 

[interracial_sex]

With the recent string of arsons on Alabama churches it indeed could have been. A sad, sick sense of deja vu. I am not particularly looking for feedback, I'm just offering submissions. That being said, anyone is free to make whatever comments they wish, positively or negatively. I take both with equal grains of salt.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I like them both...(but then again most of my poetry is free verse so that could be why I like em as much as I do)

 

[interracial_sex]

Thank you.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Thank you.

Quite welcome..now I think I should investigate and see if I can find something else of yours to read.

 

[interracial_sex]

There isn't much, perhaps four or five other poems at most.

 

[WickedEve]

I like The Color of God

champagne1982 gave you excellent adivce on gerunds.

 

[interracial_sex]

Thank you, Wicked Eve, I'm glad you liked the poem. The Color of God was the first submission I ever entered into a poetry contest and it wound up winning (a one thousand dollar grand prize), so it holds an admitted significance for me.

 

[WickedEve]

Thank you, Wicked Eve, I'm glad you liked the poem. The Color of God was the first submission I ever entered into a poetry contest and it wound up winning (a one thousand dollar grand prize), so it holds an admitted significance for me.

That's really impressive.
Was it an online contest or offline? $1000 is really a significant prize.

 

[Guest]

****************

 

[interracial_sex]

It was an off-line contest sponsored by Writer's Digest. It's the most prestigious award, of very few, that I've won. I think the prize money was more than my entire first year sum of royalties on my book! LOL

But even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then. Haven't been that fortunate before or since.