"I do." But I'm still not taking your last name.

[KillerMuffin]

I have decided that should the StudMuffin take a hike or buy a farm for any reason whatsoever and I tossed myself into the position where re-marriage was happening, I'm keeping my current last name. No discussion, no hyphenation.

This probably means that the theoretical marriage would never happen. *shrugs*

ALL of my important documents are in this last name. Diplomas, degrees, Veteran's Affairs rigamaroo, DD-214, other military documents, all of the Navy's TDRL crap. My son. And I'm highly attached to it. If it weren't for all of those documents, I'd probably hyphenate.

Would you marry a woman who categorically refused to take your last name in any form? Particular if the last name she chose to use belonged to her former husband?

 

[alltherage]

Perhaps, if the right girl came along, and our puritanical politicians made same sex marriage legal.

 

[bluespoke]

What's in a name?

As long as she didn't want me to take her first name, there's no problem!

 

[Tim1]

well

You can always use your last name as your middle name when you get married. Thats what my wife did.So what if Diplomas carry your old name. It's not like you need to chage them anyways.

If there is a need to keep the same name for benifits reasons for the Govt. or what have you, it may be a pain in the ass to change it. I guess I'm from the old school. However a successful business venture where people know you by your last name, that may be different. Many years ago women didn't have to worry about that. they stayed at home and that was about it. So the name change didn't mattr much.

I'd say unless you a big shot lawyer or Dr.who has a Name people recognize. Change it.

 

[bluespoke]

Re: well

I'd say unless you a big shot lawyer or Dr.who has a Name people recognize. Change it. [/B]

And in which part of the fifteenth century were you born?

 

[Azwed]

My gf has said many times that she would not change her last name and I don't have a problem with it. Besides, my last name looks stupid after her first name.

 

[seXieleXie]

I have decided that should the StudMuffin take a hike or buy a farm for any reason whatsoever and I tossed myself into the position where re-marriage was happening, I'm keeping my current last name. No discussion, no hyphenation.

This probably means that the theoretical marriage would never happen. *shrugs*

ALL of my important documents are in this last name. Diplomas, degrees, Veteran's Affairs rigamaroo, DD-214, other military documents, all of the Navy's TDRL crap. My son. And I'm highly attached to it. If it weren't for all of those documents, I'd probably hyphenate.

Would you marry a woman who categorically refused to take your last name in any form? Particular if the last name she chose to use belonged to her former husband?

Muff, i mean this in the nicest possible way... but i think any man who wanted to marry you wouldn't give a flying fuck about something as relatively insignificant as your last name.

 

[cymbidia]

When my soon-to-be-former husband (man... i need an acronym) and got married almost 21 years ago, i didn't change my name.

It was no big deal to him if i did or didn't. It was a very big to deal to me since i felt it tantamount to giving up a big piece of who i was, a chunk of my identity so to speak.

I didn't want a new name. I was getting maried, not being sold to the highest bidder to be renamed at his whim.

Now, all these years later, i still have my name though the marriage is being dissolved. In the meantime, i've provided my 13 year old daughter (who sometimes seems far far more conservative than i am) an alternate view of how a woman can walk through her life and *not* give in to societal pressures, no matter how firmly entrenched they are, if she doesn't see them as having validity in her life.

Should i remarry, i'll again not change my name.
(That's a giant-sized should since i'm not going to have any more children and, so... marriage again? Why... ?)

 

[sexy-girl]

silly double post

 

[sexy-girl]

Perhaps, if the right girl came along, and our puritanical politicians made same sex marriage legal.

i have thought about this how does it work ? ... do you take her name or do you both swap names (that makes it a bit pointless)

lol well if i married lisa i dont think we'd bother swapping names or me taking hers or her taking mine ... we'd just stay with same names


killermuffin i think you should keep your name and have the same name as your son i dont think it matters if you have a different name from your husband but it can matter to have a different name from your son ... and anyway like lexie said ... taking his name has to be one of the least important reasons to marry

 

[Calamity Jane]

When my soon-to-be-former husband (man... i need an acronym)

STBX <<there's your acronym


I took my husband's name. I wasn't all that attached to mine, because it always seemed a silly combination (or at least, not a real one). Some of you know my first name... my last name was Jones. Really.

Anyway, if I were looking at marriage again, I'd probably take his last name. I don't look at it as giving up an identity, but rather letting go of a piece of the past.

However. My MIL signs her checks and has her credit cards in her husband's name. She IS Mrs. **insert FIL's name here**. THAT is giving up your identity.

I don't know how I'd address the issue with my children, they may find it awkward to have a different last name than me, though I never thought it strange that mom had a different last name, or that my little sister did. It was normal for us, and it worked.

I knew a couple who, when they got married, decided that rather than one take the other's name, they made up a new one. I think they chose a specific star, made up a name relating to what that star was called, and had their last names legally changed.

 

[Moridin187]

Wouldn't be any big deal for me..

I happen to be rather fond of my last name, the meaning of it, the history behind it, the history of my family. I wouldn't give it up, so why should I expect the woman I love to give hers up?

 

[perks]

I was going to do the hyphenated thing

but the name would have sounded like some sort of lunch counter hotdog....so we nixed it.

I would have stayed with mine...but then which name would my daughter have? a hypehnated? still the hotdog problem. Just my name? Just my husbands? I wanted us to be a family. That was my ultimate reason for having the last name. We're not the Jone's family oh and a Smith. We're just the Jone's.

perks

 

[Moridin187]

I wanted us to be a family. That was my ultimate reason for having the last name.
perks

What's in a name?
My mother's last name and mine are different, it's never been much of a problem for us..

 

[perks]

What's in a name?
My mother's last name and mine are different, it's never been much of a problem for us..

I'm glad it works for you, sugah. It was just my choice, what I wanted. Not saying other ways don't work. Of course they work. Choose what you want. I was just discussing what I did, and why.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Would you marry a woman who categorically refused to take your last name in any form? Particular if the last name she chose to use belonged to her former husband?

Yes - no problemo. *shrugs*

 

[Moridin187]

I'm glad it works for you, sugah. It was just my choice, what I wanted. Not saying other ways don't work. Of course they work. Choose what you want. I was just discussing what I did, and why.

Okey dokey, just makin sure you weren't under the impression that it was a necessity for having a good relationship.

 

[modest mouse]

Perhaps, if the right girl came along, and our puritanical politicians made same sex marriage legal.

You should be blaming your neighbors, not the politicians. When people support gay marriage it can be enacted.

***

Muff,

A link to a similar thread, but not as specific in the situation you have cited.

Marriage/Last Name

 

[Moridin187]

You should be blaming your neighbors, not the politicians. When people support gay marriage it can be enacted.

Man, those "Take Back Vermont" signs sure do make good targets for shotgun practice, don't they?

 

[cymbidia]

I would have stayed with mine...but then which name would my daughter have? a hypehnated? still the hotdog problem. Just my name? Just my husbands? I wanted us to be a family. That was my ultimate reason for having the last name. We're not the Jone's family oh and a Smith. We're just the Jone's.

Just for your info, since this is my situation...

My kids have their father's last name.
I have my own last name.
We've always been a family.
We sign holiday cards like this: Him, Me, GirlChild and BoyChild.
We get bills to our house like this: HimFirstNameLastName & MeFirstNameLastName.
We own stocks and property and have bank accounts and 401K's and insurance policies like this: HimFirstNameLastName & MeFirstNameLastName.

It's never been a problem for me, him, or our kids. Granted, our mothers both had some initial problems accepting it, his father has never even been aware, i think, that i didn't change my name (the man lives in Switzerland and we've seen him only every three or four years since the wedding), and my father -who does, by the gods!, know- still stubbornly insists that my legal name is Mrs. HisLastName but, well, they're old folks. I forgive them their misguided and antiquated notions.

Anyway, it has worked out without hitches or bumps for me, so i know it can be done, and easily, too.

 

[kiwiwolf]

Sure. A name is just a label. If i loved a woman enough to ask her to marry me, I sure as hell wouldn't be disuaded by her unwillingness to accept my "label"...

 

[apple3141]

Should i remarry, i'll again not change my name.
(That's a giant-sized should since i'm not going to have any more children and, so... marriage again? Why... ?)

Famous last words, cymbidia! There must be a POPULATION of people who would love to change your mind. They have my understanding.
Didn't Gloria Steinem get married not long ago? at 65?

 

[cymbidia]

A kiss to you, Geo, for your gently gallant words.


You've done what was nigh-impossible; you made me smile today.
Thank you, good Sir.

 

[p_p_man]

Just for your info, since this is my situation...

My kids have their father's last name.
I have my own last name.
We've always been a family.

To the growing band of public servants, and any other official body you may need assistance from, how do you prove you are your daughter's mother?

 

[HotXBunz]

I kept my ex's last name because of my daughters and did not change it when I remarried. (yes I collect ex husbands LOL) This weekend the girls and their families were all at the table and I was reminded that since they have married I am the only ..... left. It was quite funny.