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You have a good head on your shoulders. All the things you want to try will only be enjoyable for you if you play with someone who you absolutely trust and are able to vouch for his sanity and safety. A lot of times it helps to find a submissive woman to befriend who has some level of experience who can help you tell the players from the real deal. I'm not sure if you're interested in meeting like-minded kinksters publicly near where you live, but if you do that a lot of times you are able to attend parties and can watch others play and placate some of your curiosity until you find the right pair of capable hands to entrust yourself to. Going to a munch or some classes will enable you to meet local people that can serve as mentors and friends. I've found f e t l i f e to be a good source for that initial networking and setting foot into the community.