I can't stand women...

[domjoe]

(ladies, please don't trample, get even on your own thread if you want)

This morning is absolutely bee-autiful!

The sun sparkled over London, lighting up the the mist which still lay on the frosty meadows of Hampstead Heath.

I really look forward to my peaceful walk across Hampstead Heath on my way to the office.

BUT:

Today, three of my least favorite types of women shattered this peace. I was really not in the mood for...

...women who jog in pairs while gossiping slightly breathlessly the whole time. Just run, for fuck's sake. If you want a chat, go to Cafe Nero...

...women on the school run, driving massive 4X4's with a surly captured fugitive of a five-year-old in the back seat. These women are invariably under five-foot three and are unable to see over the steering wheel; they're also stressed to breaking point: Only an idiot like me would think that they'd actually stop to let a waiting pedestrian cross at the crossing.

...women walking their dogs, who call out "BOSUN!! BOSUN!!!! COME HEERE DARLING! IT'S MUDDY UP THERE " shrilly to their dogs every 1.5 seconds.

 

[impressive]

Let's hear 3 of your most favorite types of the gender, now.

 

[Guest]

(ladies, please don't trample, get even on your own thread if you want)

This morning is absolutely bee-autiful!

The sun sparkled over London, lighting up the the mist which still lay on the frosty meadows of Hampstead Heath.

I really look forward to my peaceful walk across Hampstead Heath on my way to the office.

BUT:

Today, three of my least favorite types of women shattered this peace. I was really not in the mood for...

...women who jog in pairs while gossiping slightly breathlessly the whole time. Just run, for fuck's sake. If you want a chat, go to Cafe Nero...

...women on the school run, driving massive 4X4's with a surly captured fugitive of a five-year-old in the back seat. These women are invariably under five-foot three and are unable to see over the steering wheel; they're also stressed to breaking point: Only an idiot like me would think that they'd actually stop to let a waiting pedestrian cross at the crossing.

...women walking their dogs, who call out "BOSUN!! BOSUN!!!! COME HEERE DARLING! IT'S MUDDY UP THERE " shrilly to their dogs every 1.5 seconds.

I find myself asking: Which type am I?

Not the first, I jog alone (well, except for my dog - see below).

Not the second, I walk my girls to school.

The third is where things get a bit "sticky" for me (but, while being a dog lover, not in *that* way). I don't worry about him getting muddy, but I am constantly talking to him and playing with him. Is my voice shrill? Probably, when I'm yelling, "Billy! Fetch your bally, Billy!" I only have to shout sometimes, but that's cos he's such a fast bugger and legs it for miles. So, my silent jogging, often becomes, yelling-for-dog jogging.



Humblest apologies.

 

[Guest]

Id like to take this opportunity to appologise for the 'fairer' sex.
but really i dont get it so...maybe my appology is a bit on the ... tongue in cheek side.

I'll be thinking of you as i dream of the 4x4 to drive my fugitive to school in...my dog that can barely walk because of hip dysplasia...and the mere thought of jogging with a friend...

maybe now is the time to inhale deeply. hrm....

 

[carsonshepherd]

I love women. (Just not *that* way!)

 

[Guest]

I love women. (Just not *that* way!)

im with you...in reverse!

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Your other gripes I can't relate to, but Soccer moms in SUV's drive me to want to kill. I drive a 4x4 and I'm short, but it's a litle toyo pickup truck and I can easily see over the dash.

I can also park without taking three spaces, switch lanes without nearly tipping over and use the mirrors to make sure I am not running anyone down when I do. Aside from the fact most of them haven't learned to drive a big vehicle and act like they are still in a car, what absolutely kills me up here is when it snows.

A lot of people up here (men and women) seem to think four wheel drive is a marvelous excuse to go 95mph with a foot of snow on the road. Driving up here around the time shcool lets out in a snow storm is akin to takeing a walk in the woods with antlers strapped to your head on the first day of deer season. Tiny tiff, in her lincoln navigator, with all four tires free spining as she barrels down the mountain will convince you it isn't to cold to walk, -40gazillion wind chill notwithstanding.

I think SUV's cause more accidnets up here than they prevent, because people don't seem to grasp that 4 tires spinning on packed snow isn't any more controlable than 2 wheels spinning on packed snow. the saddest part is, I ger up in the south, and never had to learn to drive in snow till i moved. these reprobates from the nut house were by and large, born and raised in this icy hell.

Rant over

 

[domjoe]

I guess you have to see Hampstead Heath at eight A.M. to appreciate why I get so pissed off with these people shattering its peace. It's a piece of real English countryside surrounded on all sides by twenty miles of urban sprawl.

I've lived most of my life within walking distance of it, and, along with the "twitchers" (bird-watchers) and park keepers, feel very proprietary about it.

I pass the same view painted 200 years ago by Constable in this painting every day, and it looks pretty much the same.

 

[impressive]

... surrounded on all sides by twenty miles of urban scrawl. .

That's a LOT of graffiti!

 

[domjoe]

Damn. You saw. Gave me a chuckle too.

 

[Guest]

I'm with you Joe. The peace of 'country' in solitude is a luxury, part of why I was so happy in Yorkshire.

I've never jogged or had a dog to walk but I delivered my sons to school in a tiny very old Datsun and always gave right of way to pedestrians. When I moved to SF my sons took buses, such a relief.

I'm just a five-minute walk from Golden Gate park but I needs go at off-times for all the roller-bladers, joggers and cell-phone users. Why! on earth would you want to talk on the phone in such a place?!

Thanks for the Constable, P.

 

[twink_alert86]

Why! on earth would you want to talk on the phone in such a place?!

Everywhere you go it seems everyone has a cell phone stuck to their ear. It's the most annoying thing in the world to me. On Christmas Eve, I was in the store and every person I saw was talking on their cell phone. It makes me wonder how the fuck anyone ever made a decision before the wireless was invented.

 

[R. Richard]

(ladies, please don't trample, get even on your own thread if you want)

This morning is absolutely bee-autiful!

The sun sparkled over London, lighting up the the mist which still lay on the frosty meadows of Hampstead Heath.

I really look forward to my peaceful walk across Hampstead Heath on my way to the office.

Some time back I attended a school where there was a genuine, but severly misplaced cockney in attendence. One day a fight broke out between two of the students and guys were watching and yelling advice to the contestants. The cockney suddenly yelled "'it 'im in the 'ampsteads." All further yelling of advice stopped for a few moments and we all stared at the cockney, who then walked away. It was quite a bit later that I learned what 'ampsteads meant.

 

[shereads]

I can't stand on men. Not without holding onto the headboard to keep my balance.

 

[Spitfire_23]

...women who jog in pairs while gossiping slightly breathlessly the whole time. Just run, for fuck's sake. If you want a chat, go to Café Nero...

Running is boring. They're just trying to be entertained, and probably can't afford to run on a treadmill and watch TV.

women on the school run, driving massive 4X4's with a surly captured fugitive of a five-year-old in the back seat. These women are invariably under five-foot three and are unable to see over the steering wheel; they're also stressed to breaking point: Only an idiot like me would think that they'd actually stop to let a waiting pedestrian cross at the crossing.

This is exactly why environmentally friendly cars will never catch on. I need armor around me when I drive.

women walking their dogs, who call out "BOSUN!! BOSUN!!!! COME HEERE DARLING! IT'S MUDDY UP THERE " shrilly to their dogs every 1.5 seconds.

Whenever I see this, I point out "your dog can't speak English." But they just look at me blankly.

 

[domjoe]

Running is boring. They're just trying to be entertained, and probably can't afford to run on a treadmill and watch TV.



This is exactly why environmentally friendly cars will never catch on. I need armor around me when I drive.


Whenever I see this, I point out "your dog can't speak English." But they just look at me blankly.

Hey spit, give me a wave on Monday in Hampstead on my way to work! I'll be wearing a back pack and scowling.

 

[Guest]

I can't stand on men. Not without holding onto the headboard to keep my balance.

Yes.

And the resulting dents in the wall are most annoying.

 

[purple_angel]

(ladies, please don't trample, get even on your own thread if you want)

This morning is absolutely bee-autiful!

The sun sparkled over London, lighting up the the mist which still lay on the frosty meadows of Hampstead Heath.

I really look forward to my peaceful walk across Hampstead Heath on my way to the office.

BUT:

Today, three of my least favorite types of women shattered this peace. I was really not in the mood for...

...women who jog in pairs while gossiping slightly breathlessly the whole time. Just run, for fuck's sake. If you want a chat, go to Cafe Nero...

...women on the school run, driving massive 4X4's with a surly captured fugitive of a five-year-old in the back seat. These women are invariably under five-foot three and are unable to see over the steering wheel; they're also stressed to breaking point: Only an idiot like me would think that they'd actually stop to let a waiting pedestrian cross at the crossing.

...women walking their dogs, who call out "BOSUN!! BOSUN!!!! COME HEERE DARLING! IT'S MUDDY UP THERE " shrilly to their dogs every 1.5 seconds.

I am sorry but,,, why is it that this is a womens problem??? I have seen guys doing everything that you outlined - come on! It ain't a womans problem!!

 

[Guest]

...women on the school run, driving massive 4X4's with a surly captured fugitive of a five-year-old in the back seat. These women are invariably under five-foot three and are unable to see over the steering wheel; they're also stressed to breaking point: Only an idiot like me would think that they'd actually stop to let a waiting pedestrian cross at the crossing.

Add to this the women who expect other women to keep track of their children.

My husband picked up the kids today. I still had to go to their elementary school after my meeting, however, because I'm organizing the upcoming talent show event. OK.

I'm in the parking lot almost to my car when I noticed this woman shouting something in my direction.

I asked, "Are you talking to me?"

She said (annoyed) "Yes!"

Then she repeated what she'd said, "Have _______ and _______ and _______ left yet?"

I shook my head at her. "I have no idea. I don't work here, I'm a parent like you."

So she angrily got out of her vehicle and stomped into the building. Apparently my lack of knowledge meant she had to go in and check on her three children herself.

Idiot.

 

[The_Fool]

Re: Re: I can't stand women...

Add to this the women who expect other women to keep track of their children.

My husband picked up the kids today. I still had to go to their elementary school after my meeting, however, because I'm organizing the upcoming talent show event. OK.

I'm in the parking lot almost to my car when I noticed this woman shouting something in my direction.

I asked, "Are you talking to me?"

She said (annoyed) "Yes!"

Then she repeated what she'd said, "Have _______ and _______ and _______ left yet?"

I shook my head at her. "I have no idea. I don't work here, I'm a parent like you."

So she angrily got out of her vehicle and stomped into the building. Apparently my lack of knowledge meant she had to go in and check on her three children herself.

Idiot.

Damn...you made her get cold...

 

[Evil Alpaca]

How about women (or people) who violate multiple pet peeves at the same time.

I had a woman who pulled up right behind my car when I was trying to leave the gym and stopped there, then started rooting through her purse so she could instigate a cell phone conversation before she would start driving again.

1. If she needed to make a call while still in the parking lot, then DON'T START THE FRIGGIN' CAR!
2. Don't keep someone else waiting while you prepare to turn yourself into a driving hazard.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: I can't stand women...

Damn...you made her get cold...

Yep. How rude of me, especially during these "keep the brass monkeys inside" weather conditions!

 

[shereads]

Yes.

And the resulting dents in the wall are most annoying.

Tip of the day: do not use massage oil if you're going to stand on him. Can you say, "body cast?"

 

[Subo97]

massage oil

sprinkling sand on my chest to provise shereads with good traction. Anything for the oppurtunity to look up her skirt.

I find I can stand most people, which coincidently, are women.

 

[nova4u]

Re: massage oil

I find I can stand most people, which coincidently, are women.

*laughing hysterically at initially reading "moist" instead of "most"*