i can't orgasm

[Guest]

i come here a lot, and it gets me really horny, but if i ever try to masturbate, i end up stopping. i don't know why. i was raised to be all high morals and stuff like that, and my friends have referred to me as the epitome of the "innocent school girl".

also, i was raped before. it was probably the most horrible experience of my life, but now my favourite stories are ones about rape.
i feel really bad writing this stuff cause it's not like me to express my sexuality.
i just wanted some feedback.

 

[Guest]

Being a man, perhaps I'm not the best one to answer. But I will. Maybe you're into it too much with your head and not enough with your heart. It's ok to let go and pleasure yourself. My lady was a little uptight at first. A little warm oil with one of those Swedish-type massagers worked wonders. She had multiple, explosive orgasms. I think it is a little better to have warm oily fingers vibrating on your clit than a hard plastic vibrator. If you just keep it up, I would almost guarantee you'll get off...and off...and off. Good luck!

 

[XXplorher]

There's that 're-occurring' thing again. Is there any chance it has something to do with wanting it repeated, to get control of it this time, thus enabling one to 'put it away' ? I just have to make sense of this phenomenon.......

 

[Fallen Angel]

I am going to go with XX on the reoccuring deal. We all have had things happen to us that we wished we could change and often spend much time and engery trying to decide what we could have done different. It doesn't change what happened but may make us feel better. People who have had bad things happen to them often migrate to other people who have had the same experience. A misery loves company phenomenon.

As to why you can't get off masturbating I think that will cure its self with time.

 

[Guest]

Sorry Maggie. Having someone else impose their will on you is never pleasant. The answers are somewhere within your memory. Once again you are his victim. Are ready to change that, ready to move on, to take controle? Do you fear of a reoccurence?
Years ago a neighbour confided to me that she had been raped when she was 16, by two boys who held her legs pinned over her head.
Now married and enjoying sex with her husband, she was embarised to tell him that for her to reach an orgasm, she needed him to hold her down in the same position. Having been told the details of the rape, he stopped intercourse anytime they got near being in that position. He stopped because he thought it would turn her off. She was desperately to tell him "hold me down, rape me like they did." She was afraid that he would think she was a slut and had incouraged the rape.
If you are interested looking for answers you can contact mountainman17@hotmail.com. No promises. I always found it easier to talk to strangers.

 

[Slut_boy]

Mmmm Maggie, don't ask me - I am a guy and that means that I always have great sex, you know I cum everytime *oops, feeling a little insensitive right now*

What about oral sex? I'll be honest, I have never met a girl who hasn't been able to orgasm with her muff on the tip of a guy's tongue.

 

[Golden]

Maggie, you obviously are getting in touch with yourself or you wouldn't have ended up on this Bulletin Board.

There are some some good answers in the above;

can you give us a bit more info - how old are you now, how long ago was the rape, and is the failure to come recent, or since the rape , or since forever?

 

[Guest]

Hi Maggie.
I dont know if I understand your problem. I have been raped myself and I have always had mixed feelings about it. I experienced very strong orgasms during one of these rapes and I cannot help fantasizing about it during masterbation or sex with my boy friend. Sometimes I feel very guilty about it. I also have the problem that Mountainman mentions - I wish my boyfriend would fuck me in the manner my rapists did. You can write to me if you (or anyone with similar concerns) wish to talk about it. My email address is
sarla_india@yahoo.com

 

[Guest]

Maggie,

To be raped must be a really terrible, traumatic life-changing thing. Like you say, it's probably the worst thing that ever happened to you.

You've found that rape stories or fantasies turn you on but that might have nothing to do with what actually happened to you, it might be more to do with your upbringing. Maybe 'cause you were raised with "high morals", you're uncomfortable with your own sexual feelings, so the only way you can get aroused is if it feels like you're not to blame for being a "bad girl" - someone else is making you do all these "dirty things". A lot of women fantasise about rape for this reason. But unlike a lot of these women, you've actually experienced the trauma and brutality of real rape. You must have really mixed feelings about your fantasies. Maybe that's why you can't orgasm. As well as turning you on, they must also unleash a lot of repressed memories and feelings - fear, anger, hurt, hatred. You maybe also feel guilty about getting aroused by something that was so devastating in real life. None of these are emotions that are going to help you orgasm. If you associate your fantasies with genuine fear and anger, how are you ever going to be relaxed enough to climax?

You need to get all these feelings of hurt and fear and anger out - maybe scribbling it all down in a journal, talking to a close friend or just screaming like fuck at the top of a hill. Try battering the shit out of a car with a baseball bat (although you should ask the owner's permission first!) Once you learn to let it all out and relax and be more comfortable with your own sexual feelings, you'll probably find it easier to cum.

Why not try fantasising about other things that are just as much of a turn on... just as taboo... but that don't seem as dangerous to you?

Experiment with different ways of masturbating - different positions (face down, legs together, legs apart, a pillow under your ass, or whatever), using lubrication on your fingers, different kinds of sex toys or using the stream of water from your shower-head running steadily over your clitoris, with your feet up on the taps.

Nobody can tell you how to cum or the best way to masturbate 'cause it's different for everybody and you've gotta find out for yourself.

Take care



Dr Simian
xx

 

[Guest]

I know I'm bad at remembering names on here if the person is still a virgin, but I'm sensing some deja vu. A while back I remember a female posting a thread saying she was brought up not to think or talk about sex, etc., and she felt guilty when she did. And (I don't know if it was the same post or not), some woman mentioned how she was raped in the past and how now that's one of her favorite stories to read about.

Anyway, what's the main focus on this post? The fact that you can't cum when masturbating, or dealing with the rape and your new feelings? Have you ever been intimate with a person on your own will?

I've been dubbed "online shrink" by many friends in the past... Once I get some more information on this subject from the creator of the post, I'll be back with some words of wisdom.

Until then, take care.

 

[Lasher]

If you look at the dates, Tiggs, you probably have read this thread before. Someone managed to resurrect a 5 month old thread...

I'd tell ya what I think really happened, but then I'd be the one to get crucified...And it's just the wrong holiday for that.

[This message has been edited by Lasher99 (edited 05-28-2000).]

 

[Guest]

Oh, yeah, never noticed the dates. So, who's Sarla then? What's your theory, Lash?

 

[Guest]

Ahhh! At least I know, now, that I'm NOT going crazy!!!