i can't find a girlfriend

[eric60red]

I've been trying for years. no luck. I'm online but got little results. I don't know what to do in real life.

I am married, possibly passed my sell by date, but I cant grumble, your problem is you don't know what to do It comes with experience, whats your best chat up line?

 

[amofiga]

People have offered advice about developing your "chat" and/or "pick/up" skills in the supermarket or getting out into environments where other people, including women, exist whether for bike riding, food and wine tasting, whatever. The fact of life is, some guys are good at shmoozing women in the supermarket and some aren't. If you don't have that special something, then don't let yourself look stupid trying to act the part. You can't hide the real you forever.

First take an honest look at yourself physically and emotionally and socially. Are you reasonably "presentable" physically. That does NOT mean you have to look like George Clooney. Must of us don't. But are you slim, trim, and at least look like you take care of your body, exercise, eat well; or are you grossly overweight and don't seem to care about how you look. Even somewhat overweight or plain looking people can wear complementary clothes, have their hair cut and styled neatly in a way that complements their face, have pleasant personalities. They look "put together". Don't let yourself be shy because you aren't perfect, but try to make the best of what you have. Things like piercings, crazy haircuts, tattoos, untrimmed stringly beards, etc might appearl to a fringe group, but most people really prefer "standard" looking people. If you look like the guys on Duck Dynasty, you've reduced the percentage of women who would find you attractive by at least 75%. Unless you're trying to appeal to trailer trash or a fringe group of some sort, make sure you look successful, confident, well kept.

Be friendly and be natural. Don't try to "act cool". Some guys ARE cooler than others, but nothing looks more pitiful than an average quiet guy trying to come off like a super stud. Confidence in who you are is a strong attraction. Trying to "play the role" is a woman repellant. Yes, there are some girls that are attracted to lounge lizards, but most want a guy who is confident in his own skin, and most importantly, is interested more in them than in trying to be a stud. Open up. Be accepting. Don't push yourself and act desperate. Women are attracted to men who know themselves and know what they want in life and are doing something positive to get there. They want to "be welcomed for the ride" but don't like guys who think that the only thing they want desperately is a "girlfriend" or quick fuck. Yeah, some women want to be a toy for the rich and good looking players, but if you're looking for a "real" girlfriend for a "real" relationship, pass by the girls slobbering over the players.

Most importantly, DO NOT APPEAR DESPERATE. Women are drawn to men who are actively living their lives and dreams. They want to accompany them and be part of that life and those dreams. They don't want clingly guys who fawn all over them like little boys needing a mommy. If you join that bike group or wine club or softball league, let it be seen that you're there for it's primary purpose and not desperately in search of a woman. Enjoy the group for what it is and not a possible pick up place. Then, you may find that things work out for you. When you find a woman attracted to you, please don't smother her and go after her like a desperately hungry dog. It will only scare her away.

Good luck

PS: Rather than trolling Lit for a girfriend and not just a PM buddy, have you tried the legitimate online dating services. It seems to be better than bars and clubs for the average guy and I do have a friend that met someone that way who he's been with now for almost 3 years.

 

[subwannabe]

You're really not giving serious thought to the great suggestions offered. You are bound and determined to do it your way even though you admit yourself that your way is not working. As we have tried hammering it into you several times about getting out in the real world, your only response seems to be that you don't get out much. Nobody starts out being Don Juan just as nobody picks up a baseball bat for the first time and joins the big leagues. It takes a lot of practice. You are going to stumble and fall several times and look like a total idiot. Welcome to the club. That's how you start out and with a lot of practice it comes more and more naturally. You need to go through a learning period of mistake after mistake after mistake until sometime in the future you have got the hang of it. You want to skip past all of the hard work and get to the end result now but it doesn't work that way.

If you are wanting a real person relationship you have to learn how to do it in the real world first. You will never be able to make an online relationship work out if you don't know how to have a real life relationship first. You need to interact with people or you might as well just give up and forget about it. And, you need to forget about sex, wanking, webcams, and all the other stuff. You need to take a girl to the movies, got out to dinner, walk in the park, go to a concert, AND FORGET TOTALLY ABOUT SEX. You need to figure out how to be a friend with a girl without expecting anything and eventually you will find someone where there is a mutual attraction and then things can proceed further. I don't know how many people have to tell you before you get it - TURN YOUR COMPUTER OFF. FORCE YOURSELF TO GO OUT TO DIFFERENT PLACES AND INTERRACT WITH REAL PEOPLE WITHOUT A THOUGHT OF "PICKING THEM UP".

One more piece of advice: Go out and iteract with any kind of women, old, ugly, disabled, 400 pounders, anyone and everyone, just to get the practice. Just because you talk to somone doesn't mean you have to date them or fuck them. Just get used to the interaction.

 

[Hanon435]

I am being serious. I'm collecting idea here.

I have noticed women are flirtier and a guy is obviously giving them a line. it must a game that both people know. I start talking to the same woman and she's serious and real with me.

 

[unregistered]

 

[yandere]

People have offered advice about developing your "chat" and/or "pick/up" skills in the supermarket or getting out into environments where other people, including women, exist whether for bike riding, food and wine tasting, whatever. The fact of life is, some guys are good at shmoozing women in the supermarket and some aren't. If you don't have that special something, then don't let yourself look stupid trying to act the part. You can't hide the real you forever.

First take an honest look at yourself physically and emotionally and socially. Are you reasonably "presentable" physically. That does NOT mean you have to look like George Clooney. Must of us don't. But are you slim, trim, and at least look like you take care of your body, exercise, eat well; or are you grossly overweight and don't seem to care about how you look. Even somewhat overweight or plain looking people can wear complementary clothes, have their hair cut and styled neatly in a way that complements their face, have pleasant personalities. They look "put together". Don't let yourself be shy because you aren't perfect, but try to make the best of what you have. Things like piercings, crazy haircuts, tattoos, untrimmed stringly beards, etc might appearl to a fringe group, but most people really prefer "standard" looking people. If you look like the guys on Duck Dynasty, you've reduced the percentage of women who would find you attractive by at least 75%. Unless you're trying to appeal to trailer trash or a fringe group of some sort, make sure you look successful, confident, well kept.

Be friendly and be natural. Don't try to "act cool". Some guys ARE cooler than others, but nothing looks more pitiful than an average quiet guy trying to come off like a super stud. Confidence in who you are is a strong attraction. Trying to "play the role" is a woman repellant. Yes, there are some girls that are attracted to lounge lizards, but most want a guy who is confident in his own skin, and most importantly, is interested more in them than in trying to be a stud. Open up. Be accepting. Don't push yourself and act desperate. Women are attracted to men who know themselves and know what they want in life and are doing something positive to get there. They want to "be welcomed for the ride" but don't like guys who think that the only thing they want desperately is a "girlfriend" or quick fuck. Yeah, some women want to be a toy for the rich and good looking players, but if you're looking for a "real" girlfriend for a "real" relationship, pass by the girls slobbering over the players.

Most importantly, DO NOT APPEAR DESPERATE. Women are drawn to men who are actively living their lives and dreams. They want to accompany them and be part of that life and those dreams. They don't want clingly guys who fawn all over them like little boys needing a mommy. If you join that bike group or wine club or softball league, let it be seen that you're there for it's primary purpose and not desperately in search of a woman. Enjoy the group for what it is and not a possible pick up place. Then, you may find that things work out for you. When you find a woman attracted to you, please don't smother her and go after her like a desperately hungry dog. It will only scare her away.

Good luck

PS: Rather than trolling Lit for a girfriend and not just a PM buddy, have you tried the legitimate online dating services. It seems to be better than bars and clubs for the average guy and I do have a friend that met someone that way who he's been with now for almost 3 years.

i just wanted to quote this post. it's really fantastic and i agree with the whole thing.

 

[angel_islington]

Most importantly, DO NOT APPEAR DESPERATE. Women are drawn to men who are actively living their lives and dreams. They want to accompany them and be part of that life and those dreams.

This.

If you're not enjoying your life, doing interesting things, meeting interesting people, why would anyone want to find out more about you? They'll assume there's nothing interesting to find out.

As has been mentioned, go outside, life your life, find hobbies, build confidence. The rest will follow. I like the line about asking about the leeks in the supermarket (I'm British, it's not a grocery store here). The motherfucking crazy ass thing about talking to strangers is we assume we will in someway annoy them but the opposite is much more likely to be the case. If a member of the opposite sex stopped me whilst I was shopping and asked me what red wine might work best with her meat (cough cough), even if she was the elephant lady, it would make my day! I'd leave feeling like the man! So stop feeling sorry for yourself, man up, and create a great life FOR YOURSELF.

 

[WishItsTrue_TG]

Ahha, Hanon435
Emmerson40 seems to have taken the time to get to know something about you and he thought,"I clicked the link in your signature and gave the thread a quick skim. You seem like a nice guy and you have a sense of humor. Heck, you even had some ladies reply to the thread and comment that
a) you were funny / had a good sense of humor, and
b) they found this attractive........." You got something to work with. After you get past the current obstruction, you've got the good to be a good partner for some girl.

Talking is Uber important. Uber, Uber important. Women like to talk! Talking only comes in second to Listening. Talking gets better with practice. If talking or an instance of failure bother you, you have to screw up your courage and try again, even if it's out of your comfort zone. Practice, practice, and it becomes better and better. It's a easier to think of things to talk about if you listen to her first and think about what she's say, not as a knight in shinny armor who'll rescue her from her problem, but some who understands what they feel like. Women are different than guys. Guys fix things. Women talk about things and the talking makes them fell better. Listen. Let her talk. It will make her feel better. Empathy is magic. If you listen and think and understand what she saying, you will see the bind she's in. She talking about something that's bothering her. There's a problem there! Listen and try to understand it. That empathy will make her feel better.

Bumble around. Make mistakes. Keep trying even if it feels uncomfortable! .....and....and you'll get better at it. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach and the way into a woman's heart is through the ears. The size of the part of her brain devoted to language is twice the size of that section in your brain. As a biologist once said, "Form follow function, and function follows form." The size of her brain devoted to language, compared to your's should tell you how important it is to her.

And Hanon435, on your
"nice white guy, shy, fun
looking for a nice cute lady
hanon435 on yahoo, im
ima guy and stra8 dammit! i have a penis!
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=624421
*fucking* genius and proud of it",
you've got to get rid of "ima guy and stra8 dammit! i have a penis," and "*fucking* genius and proud of it." They're not hiring you for stud service, and they're not a Human Resource officer looking to hire a job applicant. They don't want to go off and meet someone who's ANGRY. They're looking for a friend, and someone they can have a nice time with, and if things work out, maybe a nice good relationship.
I'll sum up my position: They're looking for something nice and you're looking for something nice, and wouldn't it be nice if you both tried to give each other a nice time.

Keep going. What Emmerson80 said is what counts in the end.I

 

[Cone_ten]

You have lots of great advice here. My understanding is that you want a girlfriend and not a quick hook-up. That means someone with whom you share an emotional as well as physical bond.

If so, I think the fundamental error here is approaching the problem as something you want. What are you offering to others? Just looking for validation? Just trying to get off? If so, therein lies your problem. (I'm not implying you said these things directly, but I do think that's the spirit of your approach.)

"I just want a girlfriend." "I want sex." "I want more fun." Well we all do! Instead you have to focus on being a good friend, being sexy and being fun. You have to make yourself attractive, not attempt to attract others. They are subtly different things, but the difference is incredibly important.

There is no set way to do this, but it starts with pursuing your interests, being social, and being generally thoughtful to others. Looks might make the job easier, but in terms of forming substantial relationships I truly believe they come in far behind personality.