I cant feel him inside of me.....whats wrong?

[Averlyn]

Hes the only guy ive been with that I cant feel in me. Hes average in size, not as wide as my ex was, but not that much differant. My ex would be downright painful most of the time and my new bf is just slightly smaller. I have noticed he doesnt get as hard as my ex...and the first time he kept losing his erection. Also everytime we have sex it slips out often. I get veeeery wet with him (i didnt with my ex) ive been amping up the kegels ...even got creams and ben wa balls to do everything I can on my end to help. I havent told him I cant feel him....i just dont know what could cause this.
Is it possible hes losing his hard on a little and not telling me? or im too wet? Too loose? I can feels his finger and even my small vibrator(turned off) thats not as wide,as his cock. I dont believe im too loose. Im not overweight and niether is he & we are in our early 30s.

Any advice or a suggestion.....or just an explination is much appreicated.
Its driving me nuts trying to figure is it me...him...or do we just not fit together sexually??
Is there anything we can do?
Hes very open and willing to try anything and toys I just dont want to mention I cant feel it.....i know thats an ego killer.

 

[DrRickMarshall]

I used to have this issue when wearing condoms myself, could that be the problem? I know it's not really the safest/best answer but I know for me that that is what the issue was.

 

[Averlyn]

I used to have this issue when wearing condoms myself, could that be the problem? I know it's not really the safest/best answer but I know for me that that is what the issue was.

Weve had sex w/o one and I still couldnt feel him. Weve been together for awhile....but only had sex 3x's so far.

 

[sillygirl89]

I hate to say it but you guys might just not "fit right". Its no one's fault just one of those shitty things that happens.

If he's not maintaining an orgasm throughout though, you should make sure he's not "death grip" masturbating. I had a guy who couldn't get off with anything other than his hand 'cause he was jerking off too much.

 

[Averlyn]

I hate to say it but you guys might just not "fit right". Its no one's fault just one of those shitty things that happens.

If he's not maintaining an orgasm throughout though, you should make sure he's not "death grip" masturbating. I had a guy who couldn't get off with anything other than his hand 'cause he was jerking off too much.

I havent gotten him off through intercourse yet. He says it takes him over 40 min maturbating and a long time to get off with sex. Ive only gotten him off with my mouth.....took alot longer than im used to and he did like alot of pressure from my hand at the base.

I really hope "not fitting" isnt the case:-( . He plays with toys with me and gets me off that way. And I could deal with not feeling it for awhile whils he got off. But I couldnt do it for as long as it takes him to cum with no sensation.:-(

 

[Averlyn]

Never tried a cock ring.....neither has he. I came across them while googling about this. I definatly willing to give it a shot. Thanks

 

[CWatson]

I think the most important thing to do is relax. I've told this story a couple times, but it's instructive so I'll say it again:

When I was a virgin (which, depressingly, was two years ago), I always assumed that I would have trouble with stamina the first time I had sex. "I'll go off in thirty seconds and she won't like it!" Well, finally the fated day arrived, and there were indeed problems. Specifically, I wasn't entirely sure how to, you know, work it.

Think about when you're masturbating. You know exactly what to do with your fingers or a vibrator to get yourself off. Your lover is the same. Now think about when he's fucking you. He does not know how to get you off, and even if he did, he might have trouble doing so because a penis is not fingers.

He's having the same problem--as did I, the first time I had sex (the first few times in fact). "I don't know how to put my penis together with this woman's vagina in a way that feels pleasurable!" That's something that has to be learned, and while, yes, some of it comes from masturbation, some of it doesn't. It's an insecurity... And insecurities are really dangerous when it comes to sex.

So my advice to you is for both of you to relax and leave the insecurities outside the bedroom door. If he's learning, that's okay. If you're learning, that's okay. If you don't feel anything... well, that does need to be fixed, and fast, but for at least a little while you need to take one for the team and be okay with it. If he isn't cumming, same thing. Don't worry about orgasm and just enjoy being close to each other. Sex is always better that way anyway.

 

[sunandshadow]

You might want to try clitoral sliding/thrusting instead of penetrative sex, you might both like it better.

 

[Averlyn]

I think the most important thing to do is relax. I've told this story a couple times, but it's instructive so I'll say it again:

When I was a virgin (which, depressingly, was two years ago), I always assumed that I would have trouble with stamina the first time I had sex. "I'll go off in thirty seconds and she won't like it!" Well, finally the fated day arrived, and there were indeed problems. Specifically, I wasn't entirely sure how to, you know, work it.

Think about when you're masturbating. You know exactly what to do with your fingers or a vibrator to get yourself off. Your lover is the same. Now think about when he's fucking you. He does not know how to get you off, and even if he did, he might have trouble doing so because a penis is not fingers.

He's having the same problem--as did I, the first time I had sex (the first few times in fact). "I don't know how to put my penis together with this woman's vagina in a way that feels pleasurable!" That's something that has to be learned, and while, yes, some of it comes from masturbation, some of it doesn't. It's an insecurity... And insecurities are really dangerous when it comes to sex.

So my advice to you is for both of you to relax and leave the insecurities outside the bedroom door. If he's learning, that's okay. If you're learning, that's okay. If you don't feel anything... well, that does need to be fixed, and fast, but for at least a little while you need to take one for the team and be okay with it. If he isn't cumming, same thing. Don't worry about orgasm and just enjoy being close to each other. Sex is always better that way anyway.

Thankyou. I dont care if I orgasm from sex. Ill try to give it time and see if we just need,to learn eachother. Its just odd cuz, I can feel a finger going straight in and out.....but not his cock going in and out. Im also worried he cant feel me either then.

 

[Riles]

Positioning can do a lot for this.

Try starting from missionary, but hug your knees to your chest, or let him drape them over his shoulders. With your legs closed like this, everything else follows suit. Plus it has his shaft rubbing along the top side of your vag where you're all sensitive with nerves and spots called G.

And kegels are great...more so if you do them while he's there inside you.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Have you tried multiple positions?

 

[DrRickMarshall]

Could it be some form of performance anxiety as well?

 

[Primalex]

He is used to much more force and friction.

You are very wet and using creams.


So, he is not really hard, because he doesn't get the friction he is used to, slips out often, getting even less friction and getting even less hard, reducing the friction even more, then we add the average performance anxiety..no wait, together a while and 3x sex -> shitload of performance anxiety...

Okay.

My suggestion:

Put him in no sex and no masturbation mode. Yes, seriously. If you like, watch 40 days and 40 nights together before you suggest this. Then he might not tie your suggestion to his performace immediately. If he keeps masturbating, you are screwed one way or the other, no way your pussy can beat this friction. Wait two weeks (or until he wakes up with a rock-hard boner and rips your clothes off). Then strip him, tie his hands to the bed post and blindfold him, allowing his mind to blame you for everything. Suck him and get him hard and ride him. Tell him to show you how his dick feels with "thumbs up" and "thumbs down" (guys are not talkative) and try to find a good riding position. Once "thumbs up" is reached, have fun. Good luck.

 

[bumlicker]

Apply

Apply some preparation H. It will shrink that pussy down so even a squirel won't be able to get in!!!

 

[CasualLurker]

I'd go with too much lube. Don't add anything just use your natural lube from your body.

 

[harry8copeland]

Hes the only guy ive been with that I cant feel in me.
Is there anything we can do?
Hes very open and willing to try anything and toys I just dont want to mention I cant feel it.....i know thats an ego killer.

I had a similar problem year ago with my first long term (not one night stand/drunken experiment), openly sexual relationship (in college, no more need to hide from parents, etc). I found a couple things were the problem. First, we went to different colleges and saw each other on the weekends. When we saw each other on Friday night, we did what many college kids do, we drank and smoked a lot. Both those factors limit male performance.

Second, I don't know if this was bad assumptions or what, but when we got physical, she pretty much expected me to get hard on my own. We'd be naked or getting there, making out, playing with her, but she wouldn't manipulate my cock and balls. I don't know, that just something that works for me. To this day, i get much hard when my partner physically arouses me. I was inexperienced, too nervous to masturbate myself hard in front of her, too nervous to tell her, put your hands on my cock. Finally, one night, i reached over to her dresser, picked up a tube of lotion she had and asked her to put it on her hands and rub my cock. It was amazing as she got me incredibly hard, it lead to us massaging each other with the lotion, and some pretty epic sex.

After that, we talked a lot more in bed. Little bit dirty talk, but really it became OK to tell the other what we wanted right that second. She was much more experienced than me in number of partners, and she assumed I didn't want to hear about any of it. In reality, I found it a huge turn on when she said, one time a guy did this to me, I want you to do the same. Knowing I was pleasing her became even more erotic, making me even harder.

So, I guess my advice is to try all this. You don't have to say you can't feel him, because you're right, he might well take that the wrong way. But see what happens if you play with him a little more.

 

[Averlyn]

Thankyou everyone for the replies. I ended up talking to him.....turns out he loses his erection....everytime. I guess he thought I wouldnt be able to tell....lol. Thats a bummer....but at least we can work from there. He did get fully hard for a couple mins and I could feel him. So I told him how amazing he felt at first but I noticed this time he got soft and I told him that when hez soft I cant feel him. I think he took it well.
We are going to try a cock ring....see if it helps him keep it up.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Cock rings are definitely a good idea. And perhaps try and find out why he loses his erection (sensitively, of course). Perhaps he's nervous? Or perhaps he's been masturbating too much?

 

[CasualLurker]

I had the losing erection problem myself and what it was was too much lube plus the condom but even they few times we didn't use a condom (dumb dumb dumb) it was just too much lube. Cut way back on the lube or dont use any at all if you're wet enough and see how things go!

 

[123Josh]

Hes the only guy ive been with that I cant feel in me. Hes average in size, not as wide as my ex was, but not that much differant. My ex would be downright painful most of the time and my new bf is just slightly smaller. I have noticed he doesnt get as hard as my ex...and the first time he kept losing his erection. Also everytime we have sex it slips out often. I get veeeery wet with him (i didnt with my ex) ive been amping up the kegels ...even got creams and ben wa balls to do everything I can on my end to help. I havent told him I cant feel him....i just dont know what could cause this.
Is it possible hes losing his hard on a little and not telling me? or im too wet? Too loose? I can feels his finger and even my small vibrator(turned off) thats not as wide,as his cock. I dont believe im too loose. Im not overweight and niether is he & we are in our early 30s.

Any advice or a suggestion.....or just an explination is much appreicated.
Its driving me nuts trying to figure is it me...him...or do we just not fit together sexually??
Is there anything we can do?
Hes very open and willing to try anything and toys I just dont want to mention I cant feel it.....i know thats an ego killer.

Stick to anal, it will be much tighter!~

 

[Emerson40]

Thankyou everyone for the replies. I ended up talking to him.....turns out he loses his erection....everytime. I guess he thought I wouldnt be able to tell....lol. Thats a bummer....but at least we can work from there. He did get fully hard for a couple mins and I could feel him. So I told him how amazing he felt at first but I noticed this time he got soft and I told him that when hez soft I cant feel him. I think he took it well.
We are going to try a cock ring....see if it helps him keep it up.

He may want to schedule a check-up with his Doc. Could be a health issue.

That aside, I think talking to him and working on this together is great. There are some good suggestions offered up in the thread. The other thing to explore is whats going on in his head when he is all goodn' hard. Is it something you're doing (manipulating him, eye contact with you, what you're saying or how you are saying it, etc).

Conversely, see if he can pinpoint what's going on when the flag starts flying at half mast. Is there not enough friction (as mentioned above), is he distracted or nervous about performance / lack of performance.

Some folks are wired different and need / want other stimuli - dirty talk, more aggressive play (nipples pinched, nails, etc, nibbles and bites, etc). Just throwing ideas out.
It sounds like you guys are getting more comfortable with discussing things, and hopefully will discover the buttons that work. Cock rings are great as well, make sure to find one that is comfortable and sized right. Good luck!

Stick to anal, it will be much tighter!~

Hey 123Josh. I don't believe anal was mentioned as an option being considered...but I'm sure the "kiss" was appreciated.

Still creeping the ladies out with your pale, soft-belly-Anne-Geddes-wanna-be dick-pic avatar I see. Good on ya, stay true to yourself.
Have you introduced yourself to the scrotummy ball-sak avatar guy? You guys will probably take to each other like Pooh Bear to honey. Besides avvies that shout "Heebie-Jeebies!! Heebie-Jeebies!!!", another thing you probably have in common is that you appear on several gal's iggy list together.

 

[123Josh]

He may want to schedule a check-up with his Doc. Could be a health issue.

That aside, I think talking to him and working on this together is great. There are some good suggestions offered up in the thread. The other thing to explore is whats going on in his head when he is all goodn' hard. Is it something you're doing (manipulating him, eye contact with you, what you're saying or how you are saying it, etc).

Conversely, see if he can pinpoint what's going on when the flag starts flying at half mast. Is there not enough friction (as mentioned above), is he distracted or nervous about performance / lack of performance.

Some folks are wired different and need / want other stimuli - dirty talk, more aggressive play (nipples pinched, nails, etc, nibbles and bites, etc). Just throwing ideas out.
It sounds like you guys are getting more comfortable with discussing things, and hopefully will discover the buttons that work. Cock rings are great as well, make sure to find one that is comfortable and sized right. Good luck!



Hey 123Josh. I don't believe anal was mentioned as an option being considered...but I'm sure the "kiss" was appreciated.

Still creeping the ladies out with your pale, soft-belly-Anne-Geddes-wanna-be dick-pic avatar I see. Good on ya, stay true to yourself.
Have you introduced yourself to the scrotummy ball-sak avatar guy? You guys will probably take to each other like Pooh Bear to honey. Besides avvies that shout "Heebie-Jeebies!! Heebie-Jeebies!!!", another thing you probably have in common is that you appear on several gal's iggy list together.

umm... have you looked at your own avatar lately, lol!

 

[NightL]

Em - I had it on block for a reason - please don't quote or discuss that thing any more - please -

 

[joelafayette]

.....

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Cock ring should help, but wanted to reiterate the health issue. Make sure he has his blood pressure checked, and gets a full physical. Sometimes smokers have circulation issues which can prevent adequate blood flow. Erectile Dysfunction often indicates cardiopulmonary compromise, and while that may not be the case, it is better to err on the safe side and rule it out with a physician.

HTH, and glad to hear you talked about it. That's an important step.