I came out...

[MaddyBaby]

To my mom yesterday. Haven't been around for awhile now... sorry about that. I've missed you all. I've been busy and depressed... trying to figure out what the hell to do about my life. Everything seems so messed up right now. Why do we have to come out? It's not fair. My parents shouldn't care about it. Anyway...

 

[lobito]

MaddyBaby, did she accept the fact? Did her response break your heart? What's up there kiddo?

 

[Rambling Rose]

So I'm guessing it didn't go well?

 

[AzureAngel]

They should care about it, because it's part of who you are. What they shouldn't do is place a lot of emphasis on it. But honesty is good. I am impressed by the courage it takes for many to come out. Even though it seems more acceptable now, I look at myself and think if I had to do it... it would be incredibly hard.

Take things one at a time and work them out. You've already taken a step in the right direction, Maddy. Just gotta turn that step into a casual walk.

 

[Guest]

Oh love,

I know things are tough, right now. Give your Mom some time to get used to the idea. Unfortunately, she's going to mourn the dreams she had for you. Now, it's time to live for Maddy. Be sad for a few days, but, after those days are up, I wanna see you up. I want to see you enjoying this newfound freedom from silence. No more hiding. There will be some relief, soon. Time love, time.

 

[RawHumor]

It's good to have you back, sweetie... let me know if you need an ear or a shoulder - you know I'd be here for you.

 

[Cibo]

I have an idea...why not take a Road Trip to get your mind off things? Use your car or your bike, might be more helpful than you think.

 

[MaddyBaby]

Thanks everyone. And no... it didn't go that well... but it did go better than expected. She's blaming herself... she thinks it's something she did. She's blaming it on my ex boyfriend, etc. She doesn't want to accept it because it just is. I don't know. I just feel like crying. I do have to go to work now, though. I'll be on tonight. Love you all.

Mads

 

[sunstruck]

They should care about it, because it's part of who you are. What they shouldn't do is place a lot of emphasis on it. But honesty is good. I am impressed by the courage it takes for many to come out. Even though it seems more acceptable now, I look at myself and think if I had to do it... it would be incredibly hard.

Take things one at a time and work them out. You've already taken a step in the right direction, Maddy. Just gotta turn that step into a casual walk.

See? He always says it before me!

It takes SO much courage to do what you did. And no matter what the response, in time things will get better. I have friends who are out to everyone but their families and it kills them to not be able to share their lives with the people they love most.

Be strong, find support in friends and never forget who you are.

 

[Rambling Rose]

Well, you were very brave and you did an important thing for yourself. Everything has a way of righting itself in the end, Maddy. I hope you have a chance to clear your head a little and shake off this bad feeling. You did good. Really.

 

[thumbs2_ca]

big old hug ((maddy))

That took alot of courage but before you know it she will be fine with it. I have some friends that went through telling their parents too. I can only imagine how hard that was for you but to be happy you really must go with your heart and be honest.
I know if my daughters had come to me with that I would have told them that it did not change how much I loved them and I hope they are happy.

If you need an ear feel free vent my way anytime

 

[Nicodemus]

Just adding one more vote of confidence to the others.

Hold onto hope, she will come around but it takes time. This is a major shift for both of you and once she sees that then this new par to of your life, with her as an honest, informed part of it can take place.

Nic,

 

[Bob Peale]

Maddy,

One of my friends came out to her mom the following way:

"Mom, you know that guy down at the gas station? The one with no front teeth and the vacant look in his eyes?"

"Yes..."

"Well, I wasn't exactly careful, and we're going to have a baby."

"WHAT!?!"

"Kidding. Actually, I'm gay. See, that doesn't sound so bad, now does it?"

Her mother burst out laughing, then they actually sat down and talked about it. I know that's not the norm, and most parents aren't that cool about it, but most parents come around in time. The classic response I ever heard was my friend's mom, who said, "Just promise me you won't go on Donahue!"

Like most things, you'll just have to be patient. Remember, you've known a lot longer than she has

 

[Rambrat]

My brother came out years ago...it was quite a shock to everyone. We cared enough to try and understand the reasons for such a choice. Through learning comes understanding. Eventually everyone came around.

We learned that it is not a choice of what you want to be...but who you are...and that doesn't change. No ones fault.

They will learn to understand you...and then realize that you are the same dear person that they love...who we love...

your friend

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Maddy, I have deep respect for you, and for the strength that you have. I wish that I could be as brave as you, but I know that I will never come out to my family. Know that we all support you and that we're here with open arms and open PM boxes if you need to talk.

Much love,
Vix

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[LukkyKnight]

Thanks everyone. And no... it didn't go that well... but it did go better than expected. She's blaming herself... she thinks it's something she did. She's blaming it on my ex boyfriend, etc. She doesn't want to accept it because it just is. I don't know. I just feel like crying. I do have to go to work now, though. I'll be on tonight. Love you all.

Mads

Tricky stuff, parenting. We see lots of things we think our parents did less-than-right and hope to do better with the next generation. It's a constantly shifting balance, the kind of relationship you have with your two-year-old isn't useful with your five-year-old, obviously... and while ultimately it will be an adult-to-adult relationship it never totally ceases being one which was founded on one giving life to the other.

She's giving the matter lots of thought, Maddy, you took her by surprise. She's been sure, I'd bet, that she knew you better than anybody, but obviously she's missed something, right? It will take some re-thinking... but she's still your mother.

Hang in. Life is never easy, but the rest is utterly unknown.

 

[CurlyGirly]

I don't know you, but I applaud your courage

Maddy,

I don't know if I can say it any better than the above posters, but I do admire your courage. Coming out is extremely difficult. I came out to my parents about 5 years ago, and they're just now coming around. But, through it all they have always loved and supported me, it's just been hard for them to love and accept my girlfriends.

Families can be extremely surprising. My mother is my biggest supporter and has found me many allies in the community where I'm moving that will be equally supportive. My sister has been invaluable. I thought they would all turn away, but most of my family has really shown me love and encouragement along the way. Unfortunately, my family is generally the exception and not the rule. I hope that after the shock has worn off, you can find the support that you need.

One thing my mom said to me was that no matter what, she loved me and wanted me to be happy. My dad may not accept my orientation or understand me, but he loves me very much and respects my decisions. That's all I can ask for. I can't ask them to change their religious views just for me. There's a big difference between acceptance and respect. I had to learn that dealing with my father.

If you need anything, I am always a PM or an email away. I can only send you my encouragement to you in this very difficult time.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Good for you telling your thoughts and feelings Maddy

 

[glamorilla]

Yeah...it's not going to be easy at first...be thankful you don't have my parents. In the long run you being honest and open with yourself is much more important to your happiness than anyone else's opinions...even your parents.

Be a little patient yourself,especially if this is new to them too. In time they'll see you're the same person you've always been and that crazy wiggy awkwardness'll fade.

Or you'll get used to it!



Congratulations.

 

[DustyWolfe]

Maddy,

You did the right thing by coming out. At least you don't have it looming over you now. I have found that it's harder to live in the closet than it is to be out and little uncomfortable. Yeah, my parents are still in denial but what can I do? I told them I am going to a gay church on Sunday. They aren't happy about it but they didn't say anything either. Just remember that your mom is going to love you no matter what. It will get easier eventually.. ANd like Raindancer said, just start living for you.

My parents are slowly accepting that I talk to Jen on the phone for several hours a day and of course they see that we buy things for each other. I think they know but they don't want to say anything because they don't know what to say. I think your mom is feeling the same way. She just doesn't know what to say. At least you told your mom in person lol. Remember me telling mine over the phone? LOL...

Your a strong person Maddy and you can beat these negative feelings, just remember that you were being honest with your mother and hiding things is dishonest. I think that as time passes you will find that you are a bit relieved having done this. Now you just have to warm her up to the fact that you have a gf...

If you need to cry, then do it. Sometimes crying can be very cleansing. Alot of people feel better after a good cry. Take care hon! Be good to you

*hugs* love ya Maddy.. it will be ok

 

[tswyk]

You know I'm here if you need me -

 

[c.fey]

Hey Maddy,
I don't know you but I wanted to add my support, too.
Hang in there; mom's do have such a hard time giving up thier dreams for their daughters...I just moved away from my family home with my 2 young kids and my mom will never let me hear the end of it; I moved away with "her" babies!!

So, anyway, you did great, you are wonderful and you are loved.
Cheers~

 

[Rambrat]

You know I'm here if you need me -

okay...I need you...

sorry, couldn't resist...

 

[sexy-girl]

maddy im sorry things went hard ... i came out just last year and i was lucky in that things went pretty well but when first do it its like a huge thing for both you to deal with

the initial impact of it even when it went well for my mother and i changed things but after a short while it improved once the initial shock had gone

its out now ... your out now just be strong and stay true to yourself over the next few days talk to your mother when she wants too about it and things will calm down and you will feel so much more happy and confident