I am your Dom "BUT" ......

[silent_subbie]

...............

 

[Guest]

I spoke with few Dom's around here and i met with this more than once, so i wanna know what ya all think about it.

Is it normal for a Dom to say :

okay, i will take care of the role of your online dominant

!!! BUT !!!

DO NOT TELL ANYONE ON THE BOARD THAT YOU ARE MY SUB, THAT I OWN YOU, THAT WE PLAY, CHAT, THAT I TEACH YOU, GUIDE YOU etc etc.......

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I AM NOT ASHAMED FOR YOU!!! BUT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY WHO YOUR DOM IS, IS THAT CLEAR?!!!​

Well, i am sorry Sir's, but it's still not clear!!


Feel free to explain to the dumb "me" why is that?? why can't i say i am yours submissive?? why can't i say i am owned by a nice Dom?? why can't i prodly say "yes, thats my master!", why do we hide? how can you ask this from me?!?

Well i am sorry, but i don't get this and since theres alot of Dom's around who saying this i just wanted ask if all Dom's are like this?!? I always thought Dom's are prode of their girls, but now i dunno. I understand we are not always good!!, but guess you are not perfect either??​

(I am sorry for posting this, but it pissed me off, i had to spit it out lol)

​

Just as many players in this subset of sexuality as any other.

I'd find another.

 

[HottieMama]

Hi silent!!!!

First thought that comes to my mind...They have more than one sub and y'all don't know about each other, they're married and their wife posts here on Lit, etc... In other words, he's a liar and a sneak.

i've been there, i've done this and let me tell you, at the end of the day i always felt like i wasn't good enough, that he was ashamed of me, that he didn't really want me. i couldn't trust him fully and lived with constant fear and doubt in the back of my mind. IT SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HARDCORE!!!!!! Once i was able to firmly catch him in his lies and break it off, i vowed to myself that if my next Dom was from Lit, he would be comfortable/honest/proud enough not to give a flying fuck who knows we're together.

Luckily, i didn't have to worry about that too much because LC was very eager to let everyone know i was his.

 

[A Desert Rose]

For some, it's a face saving tactic.

When Poster-A becomes a public item with poster-b and then, as almost always happens, the relationship falls apart, everyone on the boards knows about it. The details of the relationship are chronicled in posts and threads, from start to ugly finish.

It usually leaves both parties, but definately one, embarrassed.

 

[silent_subbie]

................

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

If you trust your Dom enough to call him such then maybe you should ask his reasons before getting angry about it. When I was dealing wih my girl, I told her to keep it private for the first 6 months we were dealing with one another..even after we moved in together. Our personal life is personal, not fodder for the boards. Maybe your Dom is the same?

 

[silent_subbie]

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[A Desert Rose]

Yeh, thats what i meant........I am so jelaous of all those sub's who can freely say who their Dom is. You are lucky LC treats you this way.

When i was looking for an online Dom i expected kinda the same. Expected he will be prode i am "HIS". Oh well, i am not looking for a Dom anymore, rl and online either. The last thing i need is someone who's shy to admit i am his sub.

And that's probably a good idea. It's usually when you aren't looking and least expect it, that the right thing (or person) comes along.

 

[TerragonSix]

Or maybe it is a first test of obedience?

I am neither a Dom or a Sub (though it has my interest), isn't the point in the D/S lifestyle about control? If so, is the Dom relinquishing too much control by allowing to speak freely about your experiences? You say that Doms should be proud of their subs, but if they have just started, how is one to be proud?

Just wondering. I am not a BDSM person so please correct me if I'm wrong. BTW, If I were a Dom, I'd be very proud of my girl. But you'd have to prove to me you have something I can be proud of.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I don't mind of faces, never did, but yes you are right, he might mind mine or his? Who knows, it's still silly......and very not nice thing to ask from a sub.

Oh, I never said it was nice or right. I was only giving you another option for this type of behavior.

People don't want to be open for embarrassment. And some people prefer to keep their personal interactions, private.

There a lots of different possible reasons for this "required" secrecy. I was just throwing out another possible reason.

 

[silent_subbie]

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[A Desert Rose]

I respect ones privacy, but i didn't talk about sharing things about him, neither i want to discuss things that are just between me and him. I just wanted freedom to say to who i belong.

I am not really angry, just dissapointed.

I don't think you're being unreasonable in wanting that. I think though, that He should have given you reasons for this requirement and maybe you would've been able to go along with it.

Did he give you any reasons?

 

[FurryFury]

I'm sorry this bothers you so.

I have a totally different view on this matter though. I have never wanted people to know to whom I'm online attached here at Lit or anywhere else online because I am a very private person.

No, I don't keep a string of Doms. That's not my way. It's not about cheating either because though I am married my husband knows and is cool with it.

I don't see how splashing this information around helps anything. I think it's rather immature to do it or to have to do it that way.

I don't need anyone helping me on the board, protecting me on the board, following my posts around, playing Lit board kissy face with me, and all that stuff. I am a fully capable person in my own right.

How many times have I also seen things break up ugly on this board? Many. I don't like to hang out my private life or dirty laundry with an online Dom this way.

When I make a post only he and I would know if I were referring to him or not. He would only know if he comes across my post. Everyone else would not know and that makes it cleaner. It makes each person able to carry on as normal and not be as hurt by something posted by their online PYL/pyl.

Of course, I personally don't worry that my PYL (when I have one) will be cheating on me. As long as I get my time, and sadly I don't have any time myself these days for me, *chuckles* he can have 100 subs and three wifes for all I care.

If he flirts on the board I'm cool with that too. We are who we are before we get together, during and after.

If he is busy like I far too often am, that's something I can handle well too though it does bring inevitable emotional difference.

Frankly, I don't think I have enough of anything to give anyone else right now. That's another story.

My point is, he is NOT necessarily a player if he wants to keep his online relationship with you quiet. He could just be mature and private about such things.

Of course, you'd need to ask him about his motivations and then decide whether you believe him or not.

 

[HottieMama]

Or maybe it is a first test of obedience?

I am neither a Dom or a Sub (though it has my interest), isn't the point in the D/S lifestyle about control? If so, is the Dom relinquishing too much control by allowing to speak freely about your experiences? You say that Doms should be proud of their subs, but if they have just started, how is one to be proud?

Just wondering. I am not a BDSM person so please correct me if I'm wrong. BTW, If I were a Dom, I'd be very proud of my girl. But you'd have to prove to me you have something I can be proud of.

In my experience, it has not been a test of obedience but mainly an effort to cover their own ass.

Even if it was, again IMO, if the sub brings up that having to do this makes her feel like shit, the Dom needs to look at that as possibly damaging to their relationship and perhaps take steps to correct it. "Speaking freely" here on the boards is how i learn, have a sense of community, and have a support system. To take that away would be damaging FOR ME.

silent...i am a very lucky girl for many, many reasons, but on this particular issue i wouldn't have taken any other option. My last "relationship" (i prefer to call it a trainwreck) was shrouded in lies and secrecy. i won't do that again...for anyone.

 

[silent_subbie]

..................

 

[HottieMama]

It might be test of obedience, i dunno. I still don't understand "why" it is demanded on me tho.

You need to ask him and then go with your gut in evaluating the answer.

 

[silent_subbie]

............

 

[TerragonSix]

In my experience, it has not been a test of obedience but mainly an effort to cover their own ass.

Even if it was, again IMO, if the sub brings up that having to do this makes her feel like shit, the Dom needs to look at that as possibly damaging to their relationship and perhaps take steps to correct it. "Speaking freely" here on the boards is how i learn, have a sense of community, and have a support system. To take that away would be damaging FOR ME.

That's fine, and I sympathize for your trainwreck experiences. In a relationship, (any relationship), is a two way street. EDIT: both sides have to meet each other at the median. I hope silent's Dom is not the 'covering ass' type, but has a more benevolent agenda.

 

[silent_subbie]

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[A Desert Rose]

My Dom is okay, but what he ask from me have only one efect on me "that he's shy for me" and i really don't like to feel this way when i think of my Dom. It's hard to explain....

I don't think you're having a hard time explaining this. I understand how you are feeling and there was a time when I would've felt like you are now.

But, without knowing what is motivating this particular Dom, it's hard to know why he is requiring this of you. Fury and I have both said basically the same thing as far as possible options for his behavior. I'm not so quick to tag him as some kind of player. That is however, another possiblity in his motivations.

I'm with Fury on this. If I were involved with someone on this board, it would be private and quiet and no one's business. My private life is private and I'm careful how much and what I share here.

 

[silent_subbie]

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[silent_subbie]

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[silent_subbie]

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[A Desert Rose]

I never said you were dumb. In fact I said... I understand how you are feeling and there was a time when I would've felt like you are now.

You asked why someone would require you to keep your relationship private and I only provided you with a couple options that might explain his behavior.

You have yet to say, and I asked you back several posts, if you asked him why he wants to keep this a secret. You said again that you don't understand why he is doing this. And again I'll ask...

Have you asked HIM why?

 

[ecstaticsub]

My Dom and I met on-line (on another non-BDSM board) We were both very active regulars and we kept it quiet for about 6 months. He didn't order me to keep quiet. We didn't start out as a D/s couple, though. I am glad we kept it to ourselves at first. It was also fun to "come out" when we did. I'm trying to remember why we finally did come out.......Oh yeah...lol..We were both very flirty. Especially me. I asked for permission to drop hints and then finally come out because I was tired of telling the guys that I used to flirt so much with why I was not playing anymore. Telling them individually got old.

Be patient, ask him if eventually you will be able to tell the board if it bothers you so much.