I am totally confused by now...

[datune]

First of all let me say hello to the board.
My native language is not English, so please excuse any bad spelling etc..
I have been lurking for a day or two and have read a lot of posts.

But i don't get it.

I always thought that a Master is well,... the Master, and the slave is but nothing what it says, a slave.
I always thought a slave is supposed to be "nothing", only living to please and obey whatever the Master says etc...

But from what i understand i am totally wrong. Mind you me, i have no experience at all, and i never met anyone (i wouldn't know how).
Maybe it is because i am too young? (26).

It looks like i have gotten a totally wrong perspective of the BDSM scene in general.

Reading comics made by Stanton or Pichard, i got the impression that a Master is someone who absolutely controls the slave, and the slave is someone who HAS to do what his/her Master tells him/her.

But here i read things like :"The sub is ALWAYS in control at ALL times etc..)..huh??

How can it please a Master to do something to a slave if he/she knows he/she wants it anyway, i always thought it is about "forcing" the slave to do things that he/she does not really like.(but in the end does) (obeyement)
Ie, punishment for example?
Maybe i have read the wrong stories although many came from here, but they do not seem to fit with the experiences you people share here.

Let me give you an example, what is the fun of being controlled by a Master/Mistress (in my case it would be a Mistress, just to make that clear) if you know exactly what is going to happen to you (you=slave)?

I always thought there is some sort of contract between the two parties (Master/Mistress and Slave/?Slavewomen??)
And then the slave gets to be trained and along the process has to become a 100% submissive, absolutely obeying ..slave.

So if someone who has experience could please clarify this for me a bit.
I could ask a lot of other questions too, but i will keep em for other times, im actually suprised to see myself writing in here, you have no idea how much effort it costs me to actually go along and hit that submit button, but computers make it easier.
I don't think i could tell this to anybody i know in real life, i already think i am freak from times to times, but reading here sort of convinced me i am not, or heck, at least if this is supposed to be "freaky" well i am not alone in the world

I say thank you in advance for your time reading this and maybe even reply and make some things clear for me.

Best regards from Vienna,
datune

 

[Guest]

Welcome datune!

The difference is a slave supposedly has no limits and only lives to serve the Master. A submissive may have limits and also may take part in decision-making affecting the D/s relationship.
Here's a link that may help explain:
http://www.adarkwhisper.com/sub/9levels.html

 

[datune]

Thank you raindancer, that link was excellent!

But ..

.....but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission, other than serving or being used by the dominant.

HUH?!?!?!

submission other then serving or being used?!?!
what would that be?
I thought submission is serving or being used?

But then, i thought a sub and a slave is the same *blush* (damn jargon: top, bottom, domina, master, mistress, submissive, devote, dom, sub, D/s....slave not to forget, well i know them now )


Again thank you

 

[pierced_boy]

Seach the Threads

.

 

[DRxBlue]

Welcome to Literotica datune!

One of my fondest wishes is that i might see Vienna before i die. Actually i want to HEAR Weiner (that's what YOU call it, isn't it?)

i'm a musician with a passion for Strauss, i expect you've heard of him. i'd like to say:

"ich wünsche, dass mein Deutsch war so gut wie Ihr englisch" if that makes any sense. that double "ss" can't be done on an American keyboard.

i'm a total newbie when it comes to BDSM. i just discovered the lifestyle less than a month ago, but i can tell you that this might be the best place in the WORLD to find out the truth.

Check out RisiaSkye's "sticky" here:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70084

if you haven't already. Any BDSM relationship which violates the SSC rules may be dangerous.

pierced_boy (COOL avatar dude!) pointed out the "Search" function, which you can access at the top of your page.

That can be your BESTER FREUND here. Pretty much anything you want to know you can find out from more than one perspective.

It's all here, and so are you. Enjoy mein freund!

wenn Sie halten sich zu wundern, finden Sie heraus

Blue

 

[datune]

i'm a musician with a passion for Strauss, i expect you've heard of him. i'd like to say:

Are ye kidding me? Do i know Strauss?
That is about the same asking an American if he knows Elvis...

Im myself a huge fan of Strauss, i have read his whole lifestory including Strauss Senior and Junior. (i love his music).

I am a "musician" too, but prolly you wouldn't call it music, you see i am a DJ since 7 years and only recently changed my proffesion, but i have a studio at home and am making music too (house, techno..yeah i know, it cannot be compared with Strauss, but thats not th issue anyway).

If you really wanna come to Vienna one day you could send me a mail, i could help you find a good Hotel and pass some information to you (what places and where and how to visit them).
As to your German, it is Wiener, and your german does look good, actually i am suprised that you know of the "ß" letter.
But if not available a double s is also valid

Well, thank you for the link DRxblue
As to the search function, i know of it, and like i said, i have read many many posts before posting here (including lots of cym's posts), but it got me all the more confused, but i think im slowly starting to understand that there is no general explanation, rather it is all very individual.

Best regards from Vienna,
datune

 

[MissTaken]

Exactly, the relationship is very individualized.

However, the sub who choses to be a slave is still making the final choice concerning how far she is willing to submit.

Some subs want to be owned, serve and used 24/7. Again, it is the SUB's wish before he/she finds the right Dom/me.

Other subs chose to engage in relationships at different levels, different degrees.

Again, you do seem to understand. It depends on the needs of the sub and the Dom/me how that relationship evolves.

By the way, welcome to the boards and your english is quite good.

 

[datune]

By the way, welcome to the boards and your english is quite good.

Thank you

Well you are right, like i said, i think i start to understand, but i have to admit at first it was all very very confusing, but i guess it is because i approached it from the wrong side (fantasy comics, stories, even movies, so basically not real), and thus got the wrong impression. (have you ever read a comic from Pichard??, if so then you know why i got the total wrong impression).

Best regards from Vienna,
datune

 

[petrel]

mined from the mega-thread

This might help you -


i'll begin...
... with a long answer i just made to someone we all know here at Lit. Her questions were rather ordinary (no offense to the questioner, honestly!) and it made me wonder how many more poeple are thinking and wondering along the same lines. Hence, this thread.



quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Lit Regular PM’ed me on 07-17-2001 11:33 PM:
First thank you for taking the time to read my babbling - I'll try not to bore you too much.

What exactly is the difference between a 'slave' and a 'sub'? I kind of think I get it but I'm not sure. Is it that a slave turns their entire life over to their dom? Are 'slaves' not allowed to set limits where 'subs' are? Is it unusual for a woman to be a dom/top? The workshop I went to was about electric play. I found it very interesting and was very turned on. I wouldn't mind having the stuff done to me to see what it's like - I wouldn't want to seriously hurt someone. BUT what turned me on was thinking of what I could do to my partner with the items. Some people are insisting that I'm hiding my 'true nature' by not 'admitting to being a sub' but the idea of that just doesn't appeal to me. On the other hand, one of the women at this workshop was a dom with a male slave and she seemed very uncaring towards her slave. Does the fact that I'd care about my partner's feelings mean that I'm really a sub? I'm confused, can you tell?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Boy ! You ask some good questions for a newbie! Okay, here goes:

Please note: While i’ll use the word “her” to refer to a sub/slave throughout this thing, it can and does as easily refer to male subs as well. I identify with being a sub and so choose to use “her” to refer to subs in general here – just easier for me, i guess. If you wish, in future communications, i’ll use the more correct “her/him” or “s/he” when referring to subs in general. However, i’ll always use the word Dom/me to refer to both male Dominants (Dom) and female Dominants (Domme). I’ll only use Dom or Domme when referring to either a specific male Dominant (like my Master) or a specific female Dominant (like, for example, Hecate).

1. “What exactly is the difference between a 'slave' and a 'sub'? I kind of think I get it but I'm not sure. Is it that a slave turns their entire life over to their dom? Are 'slaves' not allowed to set limits where 'subs' are?”
.....a. “sub” = submissive. All submissives are not the same. Some of us like and need pain with our sexuality, some of us fear pain and want only to serve, some of us need humiliation, some of us need a very supportive loving environment, some of us crave multiple partners. All of us are as individual a group of people as any other group.
.....b. In general, “slave” refers to a sub who has given her Dom/me permanent and far more freedom to choose for her in all situations than most subs. Slaves are always more experienced submissives who know what they need and have found the Dom/me who mirrors her needs. Exception: some subs play at being called slaves and some Dom/mes like to call their subs “slave”. The old ways are changing rapidly in this new era of net communication.
.....c. All submissives set limits. If you ever meet one who boasts that she doesn’t, please ask her if she’d kill herself if her Dom/me indicated she should. See? We all have some limits. Slaves may have less limits than most subs simply because they are more secure in who they are and what they need – and because they tend to be so much more experienced in BDSM practices.
..........i. For example, I have no safe word with my Master and I never have. I consider myself slave to him; he considers me his slave. It would be unwise and unsafe for both newbie sub and newbie Dom/me to ever ever play without a safe word, however, since they are still learning not only what they need but how to guide that need and channel it through another person. My Master and I are long past that, and not only with each other but in our lives as sub and Dom.

2. “Is it unusual for a woman to be a dom/top? The workshop I went to was about electric play. I found it very interesting and was very turned on. I wouldn't mind having the stuff done to me to see what it's like - I wouldn't want to seriously hurt someone. BUT what turned me on was thinking of what I could do to my partner with the items.”
.....a. It is not unusual for a woman to be Domme. It is less usual than it is for a man to be Dom, but it is not unusual.
.....b.Almost every good Dom/me I’ve ever known has had done to her what she does to others. Many have spent some time as subs, to be honest, and know what it is to submit. There’s not a good Dom/me in the world who would willingly hurt (in a bad way) his/her sub. Your ***primary*** responsibility, at all times (not only in sexual situations), is to the safety and well-being of your sub. It is to you that they entrust not only their physical well-being, but their emotional stability as well.
.....c. If the thought of doing to others with electrical toys turns you on, baby – you’re a Domme. Okay, maybe a switch. Definitely not all sub though.

3. “Some people are insisting that I'm hiding my 'true nature' by not 'admitting to being a sub' but the idea of that just doesn't appeal to me.”
.....a. Fuck ‘em. They don’t live in your skin. Don’t have your needs. Don’t have your fantasies. Don’t have your desires. Fuck ‘em. Smile politely and walk away.
.....b. You’ve got your answer already. Later, if you find that Domming doesn’t appeal to you, well, try being on the bottom for awhile. It’ll either be where you belong or give you extremely valuable insight into what we feel and need.

4. “On the other hand, one of the women at this workshop was a dom with a male slave and she seemed very uncaring towards her slave. Does the fact that I'd care about my partner's feelings mean that I'm really a sub?”
.....a. Again, that Domme and that sub NEEDED that kind of (seemingly) uncaring relationship. They were getting out of it what they needed. Such a thing would not work for me, I can tell you that, and doesn’t seem to be what would work for you, either.
.....b. There’s a billion zillion quadrillion people out there, all of whom need different stuff from their personal relationships. A quarter of them are interested in some kinda BDSM thing. Some of them will be interested in what you’re interested in. Don’t ever ever ever settle for something that doesn’t fit.

5. “I'm confused, can you tell?”
.....a. We’re all confused. We’re all walking our own paths, trying to do the best we can without hurting too many people in the process. Just human nature, babes.

6. “I wanted to talk to someone from here that I trust to be honest with me.”
.....a. Well, thank you. I’m really flattered. I’ll be as honest as I can and give you the best info I know how to give.

7. “My friend who I attended the workshop with said I should ask questions and also gave me a book called SM101 to read.”
.....a. Good book. Good advice.
.....b. Why were you going to an electricity seminar anyway? That’s kinda advanced play for you, Lady Newbie Domme, isn’t it?
.....c. Here’s a few sites for you to read up on BDSM stuff:

Dominants in Controlled Kink (DiCK) – EXCELLENT resource for newbie Dom/mes
http://members.aol.com/MasterNik/Homepage.html

The Beginners Guide to Dominance and Submission – excellent basic beginners overview
http://www.cyberhell.net/DsGuide/index.asp

BDSM Newbie Guide – I always point new people to this page. Fast easy reading and good info.
http://www.sxysadist.com/RG_Newbie.htm

Mistress Steel – has been around and publishing since before the net – she’s someone I want to meet before I die. This stuff is likely to be wa
y too much for you right now, but peek in and save this link for later (months, maybe years from now), after you know more, when your questions are getting more sophisticated.
http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html


There’s a LOT of not-so-good web pages full of info out there. Beware. Please feel free to ask anything else you want to know.
cym

 

[datune]

Thank you very much, those links are really helpfull