I am a Sexual Legend

[GratefulFred]

Last man left on the planet with no chicks in sight with a big bonner trying to get laid and not devoured by some vampire ghoul-types.

Sci-Fantasy fans your imput is required.

It'll be a totally parody so no quoting Lucas, Rowling and any Disney critters. Plus I already did a Richard Matheson parody and he sent me an email that he enjoyed it better then his original tale (he gave me a 1 star though but totally by mistake).

 

[only_more_so]

Last man left on the planet with no chicks in sight with a big bonner trying to get laid and not devoured by some vampire ghoul-types.

Sci-Fantasy fans your imput is required.

It'll be a totally parody so no quoting Lucas, Rowling and any Disney critters. Plus I already did a Richard Matheson parody and he sent me an email that he enjoyed it better then his original tale (he gave me a 1 star though but totally by mistake).

Well, I would say the obvious place to start the parody would be to change the vampire ghoul-types into something that is antithetical to getting laid, rather than antithetical to survival.

Maybe the disease/mutation causes the creatures to become asexual. Their genitalia disappears, and the ends of their digestive tracks (mouth and anus) also somehow become unfit for gratification. Then instead of just trying to kill him, they try to remove his genitalia (if he dies in the process, oh well).

 

[Carnevil9]

How about, in desperation, he tries to have sex with a gorilla. When he can't get it in an amorous mood, he eventually cries out, "Put your hands on me, you damn dirty ape!!"

 

[GratefulFred]

Great suggestions...

The last sexually charged man in a world of asexual beings - definitely hell bent.

I feel the end needs to have a twist.

Anybody else got some suggestions?

 

[only_more_so]

Great suggestions...

The last sexually charged man in a world of asexual beings - definitely hell bent.

I feel the end needs to have a twist.

Anybody else got some suggestions?

Maybe he finally finds another sexual human being, but it's his long lost sister! Or perhaps the girl who said she wouldn't sleep with him if he was the last man on earth, and she really meant it.

 

[DeeZire]

He comes across two mermaids, one with the human part on the top half, the other with the human part on the bottom half. He knows (somehow) that when he makes his choice, the other one will die. I'd hate to be that guy.

 

[GratefulFred]

Well I am going with the removed organs premise and I've formulated a perverted ending and I may still yet incorporate the last girl alive angle.

Perhaps I'll put up a billboard of two quasi sexual mermaids and sell advertisment from it (super idea deserving of another story - can't see mixing mermaids with the end of the world.

Still taking ideas...

 

[DeeZire]

Perhaps I'll put up a billboard of two quasi sexual mermaids and sell advertisment from it (super idea deserving of another story - ) Still taking ideas...

I admit, I got the two-mermaid idea from an old C&W song, by either Bobby Bare or Hoyt Axton. In the song, the singer chooses the mermaid who's bottom half is 'a girl' (back when you could refer to a woman as 'a girl' without getting arrested by the PC police. Not that I, personally, would ever refer to a woman as 'a girl'. Well, unless she said it was OK.)

 

[Carnevil9]

I'd have to go with the girl-on-top-half. At least that way, you could still kiss, talk, smile at each other, and get blowjobs and handjobs. And the bottom half would still smell correct......Carney

 

[only_more_so]

Well I am going with the removed organs premise and I've formulated a perverted ending and I may still yet incorporate the last girl alive angle.

Perhaps I'll put up a billboard of two quasi sexual mermaids and sell advertisment from it (super idea deserving of another story - can't see mixing mermaids with the end of the world.

Still taking ideas...

I haven't read the book, so I don't know if the vampire creatures can reproduce. But these asexual creatures would obviously have a hard time, so perhaps the sexual legend hears a story about successful breeding, or sees a child creature and assumes there was reproduction.

 

[only_more_so]

Any luck with the story? I've actually read the book since this thread started, and it was pretty good. I thought the darker ending to the book was more appropriate than the movie ending.

 

[GratefulFred]

Any luck with the story? I've actually read the book since this thread started, and it was pretty good. I thought the darker ending to the book was more appropriate than the movie ending.

I tried to find some warped way to move the story but alas I don't have enough braincells to come up with any good ideas.

 

[emap]

Well if you would stop watching me having sex you might have enough free brain cells to think.

 

[Rob_mDear]

Different Direction

I think I'd start with a different premise for what happens to the rest of the world. Writing a story with only one character is difficult, unless you use flashbacks to before the disease struck, but that will make the story rather long. If you make the disease alter people too much, it will be kind of tough.

Have people turn into vampires, lusty, sex crazed vampires. Maybe even have the disease improve their sexual attributes (bigger breasts, bigger cocks, fuller lips, stronger pheromones). But the disease is sexually transmitted. He can have sex with one of the vampires, but if he does, he'll become one of them.

At night, they are constantly trying to seduce him, and he's dying to get laid, so it's absolute torture. He tries to lock himself away to resist the temptation, but some nights he gets caught unawares.

The ending should parallel the book. In the book, he, the "vampire hunter," ultimately becomes the monster (to the vampires). The vampires are the new race, and he is the "monster" (think Grendel) that is killing the vampires and is ultimately killed himself. In time he becomes a legend... to them.

In your story, he ultimately succumbs and transforms into a vampire (just that could be fun to write, the feelings and emotions of turning from human to inhuman with an insatiable lust, during the act of having sex). The twist is that that is the core of the disease: insatiable lust. So by finally giving in to his lust, and trying to sate it, he is a million times worse off. He spends the rest of his life getting laid over and over again, but never feeling satisfied.

 

[GratefulFred]

Well if you would stop watching me having sex you might have enough free brain cells to think.

Who needs brain cells anyways? Bring on the PORN!!!

I think I'd start with a different premise for what happens to the rest of the world. Writing a story with only one character is difficult, unless you use flashbacks to before the disease struck, but that will make the story rather long. If you make the disease alter people too much, it will be kind of tough.

Have people turn into vampires, lusty, sex crazed vampires. Maybe even have the disease improve their sexual attributes (bigger breasts, bigger cocks, fuller lips, stronger pheromones). But the disease is sexually transmitted. He can have sex with one of the vampires, but if he does, he'll become one of them.

At night, they are constantly trying to seduce him, and he's dying to get laid, so it's absolute torture. He tries to lock himself away to resist the temptation, but some nights he gets caught unawares.

The ending should parallel the book. In the book, he, the "vampire hunter," ultimately becomes the monster (to the vampires). The vampires are the new race, and he is the "monster" (think Grendel) that is killing the vampires and is ultimately killed himself. In time he becomes a legend... to them.

In your story, he ultimately succumbs and transforms into a vampire (just that could be fun to write, the feelings and emotions of turning from human to inhuman with an insatiable lust, during the act of having sex). The twist is that that is the core of the disease: insatiable lust. So by finally giving in to his lust, and trying to sate it, he is a million times worse off. He spends the rest of his life getting laid over and over again, but never feeling satisfied.

I hear what you are saying but if you reread what you wrote you'll see finding some humorous erotic angle is a hard sell. Rather depressing ending always seems to come to mind and I am a big fan of Matheson's stuff.

 

[Rob_mDear]

Humor

I hear what you are saying but if you reread what you wrote you'll see finding some humorous erotic angle is a hard sell. Rather depressing ending always seems to come to mind and I am a big fan of Matheson's stuff.

Well, it would have to be a black comedy... but look at Wristcutters. It was a comedy about people who committed suicide going to limbo. There's humor in everything, if you put it there.