Hygiene, Toys, Sharing Space

[DromeidaonLeah]

I'm writing a letter for my roommate because he wants to sublet and join a co-op. In it he wants me to specify he is "clean". He generally does his sex toys in with the rest of his laundry, but will sometimes wash them in the bathroom and I have found his shit and lube all over the bathtub more than once, even though he cleans it up. This is a house with approximately 10 people he is interested in. He is tired of living here (we are not a couple) and otherwise I have no problem with the request, which will hopefully end on good terms. I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

 

[oldasspussy]

He's washing his toys in the with laundry? Doesn't sound very clean to me.....YUCK!

Why doesn't he use the dish washer, the water gets hotter.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

what's the question?

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Why doesn't he use the dish washer, the water gets hotter.

Yea with the dishes. That sounds sanitary!
I wouldn't sign anything for the dirty A-hole

 

[Anonymaso]

Be honest. "You're a pretty good roommate but do you really think ten other people are going to be happy about finding your shit in the bathtub? No? Then if I'm signing this you're cleaning up your act. If you're grown up enough to fuck your own ass, you're grown up enough to bleach the damn tub."

As for putting toys in the washer or dishwasher, I really would not be OK with that. Unless you boil wash everything you own... and even then, just NO.

I wash our stuff in the kitchen sink with disinfectant and a designated cloth. I then bleach the sink afterwards. The whole process only takes fifteen minutes but at least my bedsheets aren't laced with someone else's faeces.

 

[Penuche]

FWIW hospitals have been known to clean Lego from the children's wards by putting it through the dishwasher on 60 C (hot enough to kill off most pathogens).

Apart from that, I'd echo what Anonymaso said and refuse to say that the bloke doesn't leave a potentially hazardous mess when he does.

 

[DromeidaonLeah]

The whole thing is just such a mess. And now on top of everything else, I'm supposed to defend him? I had never thought about the dishwasher. I'm not the kind of person who would just turn someone loose with no expectations. He wants a reference for someone I haven't met yet, and there's no reason I wouldn't be up for meeting them later either (not that I have to) but I'm not trying to look stupid. I think he is trying to hide his (lack of) responsibility.

"Oh, thanks for your buddy who leaves his shit (literally) everywhere!"

 

[DromeidaonLeah]

Oh... and if you need just ONE. MORE. thing to get a clear picture of the situation, he met about half of them yesterday. They are much younger than I thought. Nice. Regardless of their living arrangements.

So I see this plan: hugs and kisses, and then when it goes down the wrong way, they will trace it to: ? Because I already know he won't take responsibility for anything he does. Just a purified, narcissistic psychopath getting called on his shit.

I am not going to enable someone like that, even if it's just typing out a letter that requires no effort. And what else is he really asking for?

 

[Anonymaso]

If this is really the only issue you have with him, then maybe you can have a discussion about it before giving a recommendation. If he's generally a crappy housemate however, I would think twice before endorsing him.

One other thing I would consider is this: If you get another roommate and then things go south with his new place, where will that leave you? If his behaviour has the potential to cause (figurative) shit for you, then I think you definitely need to have a frank conversation about it.

 

[DromeidaonLeah]

Some people really know how to make a bad first impression. I want, want to believe this guy is better than that. And that's what I'm willing to help him with. I dislike misappropriating (?) something that should be an extension of my goodwill.

Cleaning up poop doesn't bother me. It's this guy thinking he's entitled to just pass off what he wants because he can get someone to write him a check.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I simply wouldn't write the letter. I'd say "no, I can't give you a reference, you're a slob".

But, your dilemma is if you want him out or not. If you want him out, then write the letter and say "gosh, he was never like that with me" when it comes up and feign innocence.

(Years ago I worked for the government it was well known you didn't want to hire a transfer person with glowing references because whoever wrote them was just trying to get rid of them.)

 

[DromeidaonLeah]

He has his own reasons for leaving. My problem was with the letter. I can't stand when people say they'll do something and then don't follow up.

Big old whatever up your ass and shit in my tub! Got it.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I doubt that he expects you to address his personal sexual preferences/habits in a housing letter. Let him list you as a reference and then just answer the questions they ask when they call. They're not going to ask you, "what about when he's fucking himself in the ass.. does he clean up after?"
They're just not going to bring it up. Neither should you.

 

[DromeidaonLeah]

My last roommate did exactly that and I got a call from New York about two months later. About a zero percent chance of tracking that one down, but I recommended him for whatever it was. I have no problem with that. That's pretty standard.