Hurting

[Guest]

I had been dating for about 9 months and although I never thought I would actually fall in love with this guy, I did. He seemed to really love me, too. He acted like he did and would tell me he did. I guess I was a fool. Two weeks ago, he left for Pakistan. He told me he was going to visit his parents who were ill. Turns out, he left to be married. His parents arranged it and as a matter of fact, it should be going on right as we speak....I'm holding back tears. I tracked him down and asked how he could do this when he loved me. He kept saying he was sorry and that he had to do this or his parents would have nothing to do with him. I kind of accepted that until I thought about it more and more and thought, I am an American woman and we Americans fight for what we want - it's the way we know. I felt like if he was a strong man who really loved me, he would fight to be with me, not with a woman he didn't know. Or for that matter, a woman who was related to him in some way. I called him yesterday to find out that today is his wedding day. I begged and pleaded with him not to do it. He told me it was too late, that everything was arranged and he had no choice. I said, "You do, get on a plane, come back." He said that we live in two different worlds and that I didn't understand that this was a way of life for him. He said he loved me and if he had a choice he would come back but everything was arranged and if he backed out now, his parents would be looked upon shamefully and this girl he was to marry may never be married for fear she was not suitable. I am trying to understand his culture and I'm not mad at him because I feel he is being pressured to do this and that his parents will not accept him with me. I don't even think they know about me. He lives here and they live in Pakistan and don't speak English. So when he has conversations with them on the phone, I don't know what he is saying. Anyhow, on one hand, I understand he is marrying in the name of his religion (I'm Christian - he's Muslim), but on the other, I feel he wasn't a big follower over here. After all, we were having sexual relations together, and that seems extremely against the rule for them, isn't it? Anyhow, while I'm trying not to be angry while I'm sitting here crying from all the pain I'm feeling inside, at the same time, I don't understand why he didn't tell me? Maybe this could have been stopped before he left. When I asked why he left in the first place, he said that was his mistake. What does that mean?

 

[RawHumor]

This post sounds VERY familiar.

 

[bluespoke]

This post sounds VERY familiar.

Mmmmmmmmmmm Yoyo!

 

[sunstruck]

I'm trying really hard not to think that. It's not working.

 

[RawHumor]

I'm trying really hard not to think that. It's not working.

I agree. I'm TRYING to take this person seriously, but I've read a few different posts that were VERY similar to this one. Either it's a very common occurrance or someone keeps posting the same stuff.

 

[Guest]

My opinion is that people should marry or date whom they want to regardless of that person creed or color of what anyone has to say. When one reach an age of maturity, it is not the parents decision as to whom you marry. Everyone here on this earth has there own Karma to live out. For parents to deny thier child happiness by inflicting thier own selfish thoughts and desire on to their children, is only bring more bad Karma to that particular generation. Perhaps in that person past life, he/she did something to that person family and must now relive it out in this life. The situation must be straighten out in this life, in order for both to move on to the next level.

When one decides to marry or date to make someone else happy (financially,or because of what their parents or friends may say,etc) the relationship itself will not work, it will ony breed hostile and bitterness against both parties, because the person is not doing what they truly want to do. Therefore, if children are born out of this union, the children will pay for their parents sins, because of the bitterness that will emerge from the unhappiness of both parties.

I come from a family who parents allowed their children to marry anyone from what ever culture they deem necessary and I give thanks everyday to my parents. Everyone of us is happy. There are Philipines, Irish, Indian and French in my family and we get along beautiful. When we were young my parents taught us that people are going to talk about you regardless of who you are or what you are so just do the right thing and you will always be happy. They exposed us to people from different cultures at an early age and taught us how to get along with everyone, and that everyone here on this great planet earth are all part of one big family, just different colors.

I too have and am attracted to an Indian man, and we know that our Karma is to be together. The only reason I am hesistant to proceed is because he is not ready and I myself will not allow anyone to disrespect me in any form regardless of their culture beliefs or what they think about women in general. I am a WOMAN not his child.

For parents to decided who their son is to marry, tell you that this man is not a man,he is still a BOY. A REAL MAN will make his own decision not something based on what his Daddy or Mommy wants. In the end, when the parents die, he will have no one to blame his misery on but himself. Because he did not do what he wanted to do!!!

 

[RawHumor]

This whole thread just seems strange to me somehow.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Hello Unregistered/Mita.

Papa need a brand new bag, baby. This one's getting too transparent. You know I adore you, but imagination and creativity are key.

C'mon Yoyotwat, impress me. Quit impersonating women who love men from Continental subAsia. You won't get outted as easily.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[KillerMuffin]

I have no idea what you're talking about.