Hurricane Lessons

[SeaCat]

Some things I have learned after going through two hurricanes in a row.

1) There is no such thing as being too prepared.
2) Having too much Beer is an impossibility. Also if it ever does happen it is self correcting.
3) When it's 90°F out even warm beer tastes good.
4) Ice can be worth it's weight in gold.
5) After several days without food a woman would be more than willing to spread her legs for some food, and her husband would watch with approval.
6) The time to replenish your "Storm Kit" is as soon as the stores open, not after you have repaired your home.
7) People are willing to kill for a generator.
8) Almost anything is edible with enough Hot Sauce.
9) Two very hot and sweaty people can get it on, but they must use something to break the friction sweat causes. Baby Oil works best but Tanning oil smells better.
10) When having sex in 90°+F temps less body contact is better.
11) A one hundred pound piece of fence weighs over five hundred pounds when wet.
12) You can take a shoqwer in a downpour, as long as you're fast.
13) After several days you don't notice how bad you or those around you smell.
14) Cats will always find the coolest place to sleep.
15) You will fin out who your real friends are when it all goes to hell.
16) You don't realise how much you miss the Air Conditioner until it comes back on.
17) When it's really hot out, febreeze your bed every day.
18) It's surprising how many people can't cook without a microwave.
19) You can flush a toilet with a bucket of water.
20) The real heroes are those who help others without asking for anything in return.
21) Wife beaters are even worse when the power is out and the temps go up.
22) A two hundred pound wife beater will back down when faced by a small group of his peers.
23) A batton thrust between the legs from behind will bring any monster wanna be down to your level.
24) While they cost way too much, Adapters so you can charge your cell phone and/or laptop from a car battery are worth it.
25) Any woman who is hot, sweaty, and overheated because she is working to help others is truly sexy.
26) Clothing in hot weather should be an option, not a law.
27) Any "Storm Kit" should contain at least a small gasgrill, a camp stove, a hand saw, and a deck of cards. (This is in addition to a can opener and plenty of food.)
28) While leaves work well, Toilet Paper works best.
29) Boiled water tastes like shit.
30) If you add a cap of bleach to the tioilet bowl, you don't have to flush after taking a leak.
31) If you do go through hell like this, always remeber your spouse or SO is the most important person in the world. You can lose everything else and start over.

Cat

 

[shereads]

SeaCat, you poor thing.

I wondered if you got hit with that one too. Theresa or Theobold or whatever its name was.

You must be close to Vero Beach. My friend's mom lives up there, and they had just begun to celebrate the return of electricity when this new monster arrived, following the same path as the previous one. She said this one was far worse than Frank or Charlene or...You know, the second hurricane from the left.

I noticed something most strange during this most recent hurricane warning: even our local TV meteorologists seem to have had enough! Yes, it's true. The first-string, the glamourous icons of Doppler Weather Stormwatch Radar like the legendary Brian Norcross and his arch-rival, Roland Steadham - were mostly absent from the pre-storm suspense-building coverage.

In fact, the stars didn't leave the bench until a few hours before landfall. During the crucial decision-making period ("To whom should I leave the dog in my will? Will she be found happily gnawing on my femur when they finally dig my carcass out of the rubble? Do I really need more "D" batteries?") we were left to rely on the blond bimbo of weatherboys, a giggly former soap opera actor named Lonnie.

God forbid there's another hurricane headed our way. They'll probably hand it off to Lonnie's old college roommate.

"Dude. This blows."

 

[shereads]

(9) Two very hot and sweaty people can get it on, but they must use something to break the friction sweat causes. Baby Oil works best but Tanning oil smells better.
10) When having sex in 90°+F temps less body contact is better.

Decades from now, your research will be remembered as a breakthrough, like Madame Curie's or whatshisname who discovered penicillin in bread mold.

Speaking of which, that isn't cheese that forms on a loaf of bread when there's no A/C. It's penicillin.

24) While they cost way too much, Adapters so you can charge your cell phone and/or laptop from a car battery are worth it.

Addendum: While it's a waste of gasoline, and there's no more gasoline, there's a lot to be said for sitting in the car with the a/c on for ten minutes.

For your storm kit: battery operated fans. Not powerful, but better than nothing, especially if they use those unpopular "C" batteries.
[/QUOTE]

 

[rgraham666]

I would have thought that you would have discovered there are other places to live than Florida.

 

[shereads]

Of course. Other places to live. That's the answer.

We'll just donate our homes to charity, quit our jobs and trust our new lives to the Jobless Economic Recovery.



In my next life, I'm thinking Montana. A blizzard woud be refreshing for a change. But for now, there's a mortgage in Miami with my name on it.

EDITED to add: We don't always have four major hurricanes in six weeks. This has been bizarre, for Florida or anyplace else. A bit like living in a pinball machine. In SeaCat's case, it's been particularly awful because the most recent storm followed a path nearly identical to one a few weeks ago. Debris was still piled at the roadsides waiting to be hauled away. Like ready-made shrapnel.

SeaCat, seriously, we're relieved that you're okay. And surprised, considering your sex life, that you and your wife noticed the hurricane.

 

[SeaCat]

Hmmmm, sex life and Hurricane. well,,,,, When Mama Nature decides to give you not just one BlowJob, but two like that, even I tend to notice it. (While it is exciting I don't recomend it for daily enjoyment.)

Fans which run on the dreaded C-Cells. Now that's a great idea. Even though I plan on having a generator for next year I'm looking for some of these.

Sitting in a car with the A/C on for ten minutes. I would but I haven't bothered to hook up the A/C in our van. Believe it or not I have never needed it. In fact our place is kept at 80°F year round. It's the humidity that kills me.

Ogg, I have thought about moving to another state, but I deal with enough idiots here.

Now if they could only see past their stupid prejudices and let us go butt naked it wouldn't be so bad. Too many of my neighbors are from the North East and have he idea that nudity is inherently sinfull. (And they wonder why I have told the contractors coming in to replace our fences that I will be helping them, with the intent of making MY fences storm proof. I want to be able to have at least my courtyard a haven from the idiots who think they have to get dressed and suffer from the heat. Thankfully I have found at least a couple of neighbors who feel the way I do.

On another note, the neighbor who's wife had complained about my wife wearing a pair of shorts and a bikini top, ( she, who weighs in at around two hundred PillsBury Doughboy Pounds was claiming my wife was trying to entice her husband.) Sold me his $500.00 dollar Rifle for $50.00 dollars. He needed the money to buy beer. His idea of supplies was to buy a case of beer and Chips because everyone else would have to feed him, his wife, and his kid. (My wife felt bad and fed the kid, but not him and his wife.)

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

SeaCat, you poor thing.

I wondered if you got hit with that one too. Theresa or Theobold or whatever its name was.

You must be close to Vero Beach. My friend's mom lives up there, and they had just begun to celebrate the return of electricity when this new monster arrived, following the same path as the previous one. She said this one was far worse than Frank or Charlene or...You know, the second hurricane from the left.

I noticed something most strange during this most recent hurricane warning: even our local TV meteorologists seem to have had enough! Yes, it's true. The first-string, the glamourous icons of Doppler Weather Stormwatch Radar like the legendary Brian Norcross and his arch-rival, Roland Steadham - were mostly absent from the pre-storm suspense-building coverage.

In fact, the stars didn't leave the bench until a few hours before landfall. During the crucial decision-making period ("To whom should I leave the dog in my will? Will she be found happily gnawing on my femur when they finally dig my carcass out of the rubble? Do I really need more "D" batteries?") we were left to rely on the blond bimbo of weatherboys, a giggly former soap opera actor named Lonnie.

God forbid there's another hurricane headed our way. They'll probably hand it off to Lonnie's old college roommate.

"Dude. This blows."

We live a bit south of Vero. We didn't get hit with the worst of it, but we did get hit with over five hours of 100+mph winds.

I didn't mind Lonnie, she was a little something to take my mind off the oncoming storm. I already knew what they were going to say, so,,,,,,. (Although I would have much prefered Belkie rodrigues from Channel 12 in a bikini or less, but that's just me.)

Remember the uproar when they had nude News? Maybe they should start Nude Weather. That would help us when we get hammered again.

On another note, this has been a learning experience. I will be much better prepared next year. (Although I hope we don't get hit here for another 25 years.)

Cat