Humorous Sexual Experiences

[Asian_Flower]

Curious to hear about funny and laughable sexual experiences Lit members have had.

Something hilarious happened recently I thought I would share. My hubby and I were away at a small house we own in the mountains. There is hardly a soul around and its extremely quiet. I was giving hubby a blowjob one evening and at the precise moment he came, someone further down the road let off a whole bunch of rocket type fireworks. We just burst out laughing at such perfect timing despite the fact I almost choked!

 

[where_is_RUTH]

personally I subscribe to the theory that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach

but I'll bump this thread - because I also believe, if you can make a woman laugh, you can ask her to do anything

 

[where_is_RUTH]

does walking around the in-laws house, in pajamas, and a raging boner count?

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

does walking around the in-laws house, in pajamas, and a raging boner count?

How about my standing while receiving a BJ when, just before I was ready to cum, my calf cramped up. At first she thought I was being rough with her - which she dug - but then she realized I was being a wuss and trying to "disengage" until the agony faded....needless to say, she laughed at my plight. She was nice enough to finish when I was, "all better."

 

[AuroraLens]

I was dating this girl and we were both in our mid twenties. She was on top in reverse cowgirl position and she was setting the pace. She knew how to ride me to keep me hard, but not to cum. We were about twenty minutes in and and I grabbed her hips and arched my knees and started slamming into her, when suddenly she jumped off the bed and tried to stand up bit fell to the ground shaking.

I thought she was having a seizure, so I jump off the bed and start moving stuff out of the way. She finally stops and asks me what I'm doing. I explain to her my thought process and she starts laughing at me.

It turned out she had a really intense orgasm from penetration for the first time.

 

[urguyscott]

Excuse me while I put on this mask and disguise my voice. OK. now that you don't know who I am I'll tell you something that was funny afterwards, but confused me and made me a bit mad at the time. No real names so I am changing Kathy's name to Kitten.

I was working at a lumber yard at the time when one of the girls who use to work there showed up and walked into the shack where I was doing some paper work. She was one of two married blondes I had the hots for, but of course being a gentleman never tried anything. She had separated from her husband (might want to get a cup of coffee and sit back for this) and asked me over to her apartment for a party and said I could bring some of the guys. I said yes of course and kept my promise in a way. I only asked one of the guys to say I did as she asked because ...well I didn't want a bunch of horny men around her. Hey, I'm a gentleman, but never said I wasn't a pervert.

When I got there she was all alone and there was no party. Even a dumb fool like me begins to think "umm, maybe she just wanted me here." We sit on the couch and I was about to put my arm around her when the bell rang and she got up and opened the door. It was my pal from work and his brother. Being smarter than me he saw right off it was no party so said good bye. When she opened the door, and remember she didn't know it was my friend, she opened wide and stood so anyone there could see me sitting on her couch. I thought was she expecting someone and wanted them to see she had another man?

Well I started just being "friends" again and she pulled out a catalog and laid it on the floor and I laid beside her and she pointed out pictures of cat toys and poles and asked if I could make one for her. Mind you I never did see a cat in her apartment. Anyway I started to make my move. I was going to push her over and on her back right there on the floor and kiss her by George.

Ring. Again she was saved from a fate worst than death by the bell. This time she looked thru the glass and turned to me and said it was a friend of her husbands and for me to run back to her bedroom and hide. Hide? Hey if I'm going to get caught in a married woman's bed chamber and shot at least give me time to fuck her first.

I did as ordered. I couldn't hear what was going on, but it took some time. At first i crawled under her bed. There was this cute little dust bunny and to make a long story a little shorter I made a date to take the dust bunny dancing that weekend. Then I rearranged her panties drawn by color and style and then tried on a couple of her dresses. I put them far back in the closet as I ripped them both trying to get them hooked up.

Finally she called me out and I have to admit this night was a little strange. She told me she sent him to get some food for her baby and he would back. She had two girls, but I don't think they were there any more than the cat. I realized this wasn't the boy friend she was first looking for but another who would be upset as much as her husband to find a guy in her bedroom.

I figured I was being played for a fool and have thought a thousand times since of things I should have said, but I was so embarrassed and felt so foolish that I just smiled at her and said "Have fun."

I of course decided to repent my sins and join a convent. Hey I didn't say I was giving up women completely.

 

[Sundayschild]

Playing online with someone and a frog hopped past me in my living room. I had to 'pause' and deal else the cats would have had it.

 

[Mr_bogey]

Back in college and home on break, I'm fooling around with this girl at her older brothers place. Her older brother was married to the older sister of a good friend from HS. The married couple had a puppy, which she was sitting for. We went over to drink and hang out and see the dog. We decide to sneak off while the puppy is entertaining the others and wind up on their bed. There is some blanket with a mural covering the bed. We are having our fun and suddenly, we hear the happy couple come home. If figure I dont need to hold back any more just as she figures she needs to get dressed. That mural got some additions to the artwork as ropes were flying. I got dressed and as soon as I got downstairs, I told my boys we had to go. As we were walking out the door, I heard "WTF?" and the brother calling his sister. I vacated the scene of the crime learning later he was not pleased with me.

 

[TheMrBurns]

I was a senior in high school my girlfriend at the time was in CEGEP (hard concept to explain but something like a 2 or three year junior college which precedes university in Québec) and we're on the couch of the living room of her apartment style dorm. We're very early on and just talking/making out a little when her roommate walks in dragging the flavour of the day behind her. Barely a word just a sly smile at my gf. So her room is right behind the couch, her headboard is against the wall the couch is against. So they start going at it and we're both a little embarrassed and gf is being apologetic because she is being theatrically loud... For about a minute before she screams out: "Are you fucking kidding me?". This is followed by screaming, objects being thrown, and the minute man beating a hasty retreat from the battlefield. Roommate storms out without making eye contact and we explode in laughter. Good times

 

[dougroundup]

Another Puppysitting Scenario

My hot GF and I were always at each other like a couple of sex starved bunnies and were always ready to go at it every opportunity we could.
Her sister was a good lil tramp too but was anchored down with a six year old, an expensive purebred puppy and a new place that had been broken into by a jealous ex on several occassions.
Basically she wanted someone to babysit/puppysit/housesit
all in one while she was away spending the night with a hookup...
The kid was wound up pretty good and didnt finally knock out until nearly two in the morning!
The dog needed constant supervision whenever it needed to go outside because it would escape out of the yard and run away. (I chased after that fuckin pooch three times through out that evening. The last time was around midnite when the kid let it out the front door while she was trying to escape herself to go find her mother!
I am probably rambling and the details dont matter that much... so to get to the point.
My GF has a nice cozy slumber setup for us on the livingroom floor in front of the television with throw pillows and blankets.
We have some nice drinks and a little smoke with a porno video of some hot bimbos getting plowed really good by a hung stud.
My GF is wearing some of sisters lingerie and it isnt much time and I got my clothes off and I am naked with her legs draped over my shoulders and just working our way slowly into a nice gyration as I am going deep! I am really giving her all of my love and was really into it when suddenly I feel this very unusual wet sloppy stroke of unknown warmth slather across my taint and perfectly into the cleft of my asscrack and nearly penetrating my sphincter. It was only probably less than a second that I was caught up in the moment of pleasure that we both suddenly noticed or realized that the fuckin dog just tried,,,,, no not tried, but actually just got away with slurping and rimming me!!!
We both made some commotion being all loud as We both in unison saying "OHhhhHoHo UhArrf THATS GROSS!" The pup is cowering by the sofa and I am running across the kitchen and down the hallway to the bathroom where the kid suddenly appears blocking the entrance to the bathroom. Needless to say I am naked with a semi stiffy swingin in the breeze. I immediately retreated to the bathroom where I jumped into the shower to hose off the slimy dog slobber out of my ass crack. I stayed under that warm shower for about 45 minutes until the kid finally was back in bed and fell asleep. We put the dog into the kids room. Ended up having a bit milder sex until daylight and fell asleep inside my glorious girlfriends pussy. She woke me about 45 minutes later and got me off again real good by going down on me while doing some prostate massage, I blasted a pretty large wad down her long slender throat, before she came up to give me a long sensuous french kiss with my flavor still upon her plump lips.....
I never was able to live that occassion down!
The two sisters told everyone we knew and even those I dont know all about it!
All I would ever hear is jokes about K9 & tossed salad!!!! (we were kinky but not that kinky)
The story is legendary,,,,,
Even 20 yrs later whenever I have run into the now much grown niece who is in her mid 20's and every bit as slutty as her mother and aunt.
She brings up stories of K9 tossed salads and her best friend growing up, Sally the Australian Shepard!!
What kinda family relates these types of stories anyways? I imagine it as the topic during thanksgiving dinner with the relatives,,,, Well we did have many wild and crazy sexual escapades and our kink reputation probably always superceded ourselves. However K9 never was an actual part of that passion or perversion!!!!

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

I was standing while a woman knelt and was going down on me. I remember holding the back of her head as I stroked in and out. Then I felt it just start to happen. It was unstoppable and I made a LOT of noise. I quickly pulled out of her mouth and started saying, "FUCK...FUCK...FUCK."

I had a leg cramp...

 

[Mrtenant]

My partner and I were screwing doggiestyle on this particular occasion. We both looked up and into the dresser mirror at the same time and I waved to her.

We both burst out laughing and totally lost the moment.

 

[Tulia]

My nose started to bleed when I was giving a blowjob in high school. It was like our 3rd or 4th time together. I was mortified at the time but it's funny to me now.

 

[Dogma52]

Early 70s... I was 19, she was 23, gorgeous, and a divorcee!
She invited me over and we listen to records while she made us White Russians. My first drinking experience, but I was nervous and hoping for sex.
After a few hours and many drinks, she told me she was going to get ready for bed and invited me to join her, pointing to the guest bathroom for me to use.

I awakened several hours later, wrapped around the toilet and feeling horrible. I walked into the bedroom and she looked up at me, she was gorgeous... and asked if I was ready for bed now.

I just turned around and walked home! Boy did I blow it.
Never had a return engagement with her.

 

[dougroundup]

Early 70s... I was 19, she was 23, gorgeous, and a divorcee!
She invited me over and we listen to records while she made us White Russians. My first drinking experience, but I was nervous and hoping for sex.
After a few hours and many drinks, she told me she was going to get ready for bed and invited me to join her, pointing to the guest bathroom for me to use.

I awakened several hours later, wrapped around the toilet and feeling horrible. I walked into the bedroom and she looked up at me, she was gorgeous... and asked if I was ready for bed now.

I just turned around and walked home! Boy did I blow it.
Never had a return engagement with her.

I can promise you that you're not alone in blowing some epic opportunities, that will always haunt you with regret and the memories with constant replays along with all those "what-if" questions to keep you awake at night.
For myself, I wish that at those moments they had used a brick to communicate.