Juliangel
Georgia's Juiciest Peach, ...and my nectar dribble
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2000
- Posts
- 6,194
Ok I am board so I started going through some of my disks I have jokes saved on and thought I would share some.
WordPerfect
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the
help desk employee was fired; however, the employee is currently suing the
WordPerfect organization for "termination without cause." This is from the
taped conversation leading up to dismissal.
"WordPerfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect"
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went
away"
"Went away?"
"They disappeared"
"Hmmmm... So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing"
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type!"
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I
type!"
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know"
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so"
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
"Yes, it is"
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No"
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable"
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer"
"I can't reach"
"Un huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because
it's dark"
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming
through the window"
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't"
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have
the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet"
"Good, Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then....I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."
WordPerfect
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the
help desk employee was fired; however, the employee is currently suing the
WordPerfect organization for "termination without cause." This is from the
taped conversation leading up to dismissal.
"WordPerfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect"
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went
away"
"Went away?"
"They disappeared"
"Hmmmm... So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing"
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type!"
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I
type!"
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know"
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so"
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
"Yes, it is"
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No"
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable"
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer"
"I can't reach"
"Un huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because
it's dark"
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming
through the window"
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't"
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have
the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet"
"Good, Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then....I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."