HT relax and enjoy this.

[Jada59]

I still haven't met my new guy yet. Just as we were about to open things up again, the looting and rioting began. So... Waiting it out. But... One of his favorite things is eating pussy. and if you've followed my posts, you know that I hate this.

Reason I hate it is that when it has been done to me in the past, the guy just lightly licked my clit. It felt like a dog licking me. It wasn't pleasant and certainly not stimulating.

I did have one guy who was good at it but given my reluctance to have it done to me, he only did it once. And that was fine by me as I still really prefer intercourse.

I did tell Jer. (my guy) that I don't really like it. We discussed it but now some weeks later, he seems to have forgotten our conversation and all he could talk about was how he wanted to lick my clit. He didn't mention any other tricks so I suspect he might have read that book that tells guys to lick the clit and only the clit!

Now who knows. Maybe he does know more and will be good at it. But I am envisioning putting him in a headlock with my thighs and flipping him off of me. I hope I don't really do that. But I might.

How can I make this go better when we finally do meet?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I had a girlfriend back in high school, senior year, we were both over 18, who said she hated to have me lick an suck on her pussy, yet never stopped me, pushed me away, or really complained. She would even kiss me afterwards. So, either she was lying or I was that good. I wasn't that good, back then.

How old is this new guy of yours?

Also, give him a chance. He may know what he is doing down there.

And I agree, you don't just lick the clit, there is so much more there to enjoy.

Oral sex isn't all oral, at some point you also use your fingers.

I really hope you can learn to enjoy what he wants to do to you. I too would want to, at some point, devour you with my mouth. I would be extremely disappointed if I was unable too.

Good luck.

ETA: Oops I guess I never really answered your question. Sorry. Let me think on that a little while longer.

 

[Jada59]

I had a girlfriend back in high school, senior year, we were both over 18, who said she hated to have me lick an suck on her pussy, yet never stopped me, pushed me away, or really complained. She would even kiss me afterwards. So, either she was lying or I was that good. I wasn't that good, back then.

How old is this new guy of yours?

Also, give him a chance. He may know what he is doing down there.

And I agree, you don't just lick the clit, there is so much more there to enjoy.

Oral sex isn't all oral, at some point you also use your fingers.

I really hope you can learn to enjoy what he wants to do to you. I too would want to, at some point, devour you with my mouth. I would be extremely disappointed if I was unable too.

Good luck.

ETA: Oops I guess I never really answered your question. Sorry. Let me think on that a little while longer.

He's 40.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

He's 40.

Hmm... 40, then I would hope that he knows what he is doing. If not you may have to direct him a little.

Grab his head and move it to where you like to be touched.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

It's not my favorite thing, either. It used to be an aversion, which is what I believe you're describing. It isn't an aversion for me any longer.

I dealt with the aversion in two ways. First, by identifying the real reasons for it, and second, by separating the aversion from the experience. I don't want to assume that your stated reason for your aversion is inaccurate. You're the only one who can assess that. I think it's worth asking yourself the question, though. There are plenty of things about sex that may not be our favorite parts, but they generally don't rise to the level of aversion or even strong dislike unless there's an emotional component to them. I don't care to have my fingers sucked. It doesn't ruin my enjoyment of the event because there's nothing deeper attached to it. I just don't enjoy it.

Setting aside physical reasons such as extreme sensitivity, I think some common reasons women don't always enjoy oral sex are feeling like we should be doing something besides just laying there and making appropriate noises, feeling like it's not a terribly attractive place for someone to be sticking their face, and feeling out of control in an unpleasant way. These are all insecurities. They can be identified and addressed.

The first and second examples are relatively easy to diagnose and alleviate for some people. If you enjoy being restrained and are comfortable doing so with this person (you did say you haven't met in person before, so maybe not), tell him he needs to restrain you if he wants to practice his oral skills. If you find it much easier that way, bingo, that was the problem. When you're tied up, you're relieved of responsibility to be doing something or to maintain control. It becomes being out of control in a good way.

I think one way to address the second example is to look at men's anonymous thoughts on giving oral sex online. Cosmo that magazines of that ilk run features like that all the time. Ideally, you'd be able to place the most weight on the thoughts of your significant other, but there are so many other factors that come into play there, including his desire to please, that anonymous comments may feel more reliable. I think the key is being open to the idea that, yes, plenty of men really do enjoy it and some even crave it.

I couldn't be sure, but you didn't sound entirely convinced that your significant other genuinely enjoys it as much as he says he does. You didn't express doubt in him, but you didn't sound like you believed it was really possible. If you allow yourself to recognize that this is something he may genuinely enjoy for his own selfish reasons, that may really help you relax. There can be pleasure and empowerment in giving our partner something they really, really want. You just have to be able to believe that they really, really want it.

The biggest thing I wondered was why your first in-person encounter needs to involve oral sex. It seems like even if sex is a foregone conclusion for the first face-to-face meeting, it doesn't need to include varieties of sex that are difficult for you. That's just an awful lot of pressure for the first time. If you're trying to work your way through this, you probably shouldn't do it when you are already likely to be more tense and uncertain than you would be on subsequent encounters. Maybe you could take a lot of pressure off of yourself, and be in a better position to set yourself up for success later, if you specifically ask him to take it off the table for the first meeting. It's a very reasonable request, and if he's not willing to grant a request like that, there are bigger problems.

It seems a little inconsiderate that he's placing so much emphasis on an activity you've told him you don't enjoy. This might be because he just can't imagine that you really don't like it. He might think you need confidence that he really wants to do it. There are all sorts of reasons people don't say what they mean. He may be doing that, and/or he may assume you are doing that. You may also have been more subtle than you realize when you told him you don't like it. Whatever the reason, his continued insistence on talking about it justifies explaining to him that he's making you nervous, uncomfortable and/or worried that what you're willing to offer isn't enough to satisfy him. It would also be a chance to ask him why he keeps doing it.

I don't think there's an easy fix like meditating or something. I think it really requires working through the reasons. The closest I can come to an easy fix is to focus on what he is getting out of giving oral sex rather than to focus on what you aren't getting out of it. So much of what we enjoy about sex is what we give rather than what we take.

Good luck!

 

[Jada59]

It's not my favorite thing, either. It used to be an aversion, which is what I believe you're describing. It isn't an aversion for me any longer.

I dealt with the aversion in two ways. First, by identifying the real reasons for it, and second, by separating the aversion from the experience. I don't want to assume that your stated reason for your aversion is inaccurate. You're the only one who can assess that. I think it's worth asking yourself the question, though. There are plenty of things about sex that may not be our favorite parts, but they generally don't rise to the level of aversion or even strong dislike unless there's an emotional component to them. I don't care to have my fingers sucked. It doesn't ruin my enjoyment of the event because there's nothing deeper attached to it. I just don't enjoy it.

Setting aside physical reasons such as extreme sensitivity, I think some common reasons women don't always enjoy oral sex are feeling like we should be doing something besides just laying there and making appropriate noises, feeling like it's not a terribly attractive place for someone to be sticking their face, and feeling out of control in an unpleasant way. These are all insecurities. They can be identified and addressed.

The first and second examples are relatively easy to diagnose and alleviate for some people. If you enjoy being restrained and are comfortable doing so with this person (you did say you haven't met in person before, so maybe not), tell him he needs to restrain you if he wants to practice his oral skills. If you find it much easier that way, bingo, that was the problem. When you're tied up, you're relieved of responsibility to be doing something or to maintain control. It becomes being out of control in a good way.

I think one way to address the second example is to look at men's anonymous thoughts on giving oral sex online. Cosmo that magazines of that ilk run features like that all the time. Ideally, you'd be able to place the most weight on the thoughts of your significant other, but there are so many other factors that come into play there, including his desire to please, that anonymous comments may feel more reliable. I think the key is being open to the idea that, yes, plenty of men really do enjoy it and some even crave it.

I couldn't be sure, but you didn't sound entirely convinced that your significant other genuinely enjoys it as much as he says he does. You didn't express doubt in him, but you didn't sound like you believed it was really possible. If you allow yourself to recognize that this is something he may genuinely enjoy for his own selfish reasons, that may really help you relax. There can be pleasure and empowerment in giving our partner something they really, really want. You just have to be able to believe that they really, really want it.

The biggest thing I wondered was why your first in-person encounter needs to involve oral sex. It seems like even if sex is a foregone conclusion for the first face-to-face meeting, it doesn't need to include varieties of sex that are difficult for you. That's just an awful lot of pressure for the first time. If you're trying to work your way through this, you probably shouldn't do it when you are already likely to be more tense and uncertain than you would be on subsequent encounters. Maybe you could take a lot of pressure off of yourself, and be in a better position to set yourself up for success later, if you specifically ask him to take it off the table for the first meeting. It's a very reasonable request, and if he's not willing to grant a request like that, there are bigger problems.

It seems a little inconsiderate that he's placing so much emphasis on an activity you've told him you don't enjoy. This might be because he just can't imagine that you really don't like it. He might think you need confidence that he really wants to do it. There are all sorts of reasons people don't say what they mean. He may be doing that, and/or he may assume you are doing that. You may also have been more subtle than you realize when you told him you don't like it. Whatever the reason, his continued insistence on talking about it justifies explaining to him that he's making you nervous, uncomfortable and/or worried that what you're willing to offer isn't enough to satisfy him. It would also be a chance to ask him why he keeps doing it.

I don't think there's an easy fix like meditating or something. I think it really requires working through the reasons. The closest I can come to an easy fix is to focus on what he is getting out of giving oral sex rather than to focus on what you aren't getting out of it. So much of what we enjoy about sex is what we give rather than what we take.

Good luck!

Thanks! I think it is an aversion but it has nothing to do with just me getting pleasure. I'm all for that. It's just that previous experiences gave me no pleasure at all. It was perhaps a little ticklish or even annoying.

Now I have an additional problem. My other guy wants to get back with me. He doesn't do oral so that was perfect. Will have to see how it all works out.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Thanks! I think it is an aversion but it has nothing to do with just me getting pleasure. I'm all for that. It's just that previous experiences gave me no pleasure at all. It was perhaps a little ticklish or even annoying.

Now I have an additional problem. My other guy wants to get back with me. He doesn't do oral so that was perfect. Will have to see how it all works out.

Ticklish and annoying sounds like he was being a bit too delicate. The solution could be as easy as saying, "harder." Of course if he's just doing it all wrong, harder won't be enough. Then you'll have to decide whether you're willing to give much more extensive feedback. Good luck with whomever you end up.

 

[Jada59]

Ticklish and annoying sounds like he was being a bit too delicate. The solution could be as easy as saying, "harder." Of course if he's just doing it all wrong, harder won't be enough. Then you'll have to decide whether you're willing to give much more extensive feedback. Good luck with whomever you end up.

It wasn't just one guy. I think there is a book or video out there that tells guy thwe wrong technique, but yes, it was a very light touch.

 

[pplwatching]

I suppose the nature of fuck buddies or friends with benefits is to get your needs taken care of in a mercenary way, but maybe there's an opportunity to make sex great for each other. From a strictly mercenary perspective, I suspect that early on in our relationship my (now) wife would probably have said that our first few times with my face between her legs didn't do much for her. But, one of the things that made her a great choice of partner for me was that she didn't see sex as mercenary. We really wanted to please each other and understood that meant a little give and take on things that were "Meh, doesn't do anything for me but you seem to like it so I'm happy to do it for you". There's also things that work great some times, but not others.

I guess I'd suggest viewing each sexual encounter not as ordering sexual acts a la carte, but as learning to cook a meal together. Enjoy the whole experience "soup to nuts" as much as the menu items. As a guy who's drug of choice has always been giving oral sex (to mix my metaphors), as inexperienced as I was at first, I was perhaps more focused on what it did for me and just kind of assumed that she was enjoying it. While it's exciting to make her cum, it's never really been about "see how good I am at this?" When I say "my drug of choice", eating pussy is mainlining sex for me; her scent, her taste, the way she feels under my tongue and fingers, the way her labia change color and swell, and changes in her body take me a kind of sexual excitement and arousal that's pretty damned amazing. Yes, I am (hopefully) giving her pleasure, but I'd say at first I was getting a lot more out of it than she expected.

Fortunately, my wife could tell how much I loved it even if it wasn't "all that" for her at first. At first she wouldn't cum until we switched to regular sex. Seeing how hot and turned on it made me was a huge turn on for her, and she learned to communicate what made it good for her. I'd say we have developed a kind of intimate, unspoken communication and rhythm.

It's also far from just "lay back and enjoy it". I got better at reading how her body responded. I learned that devouring her in between spanking her really gets her soaking wet. We figured it out and it gives me a unique kind of sexual thrill and high even after 25+ years with the same woman, and now she comes pretty easily from oral. Sometimes, she's on top riding my face. Adding that dimension of her weight pressing down on me, grinding against my mouth, makes her pussy the total center of my universe. Sometimes we'll fuck for a while and then she'll roll me over and plant her sopping sex on my mouth, sometimes after I've cum. It's all amazing and there's plenty of opportunities both for me to read how she's responding and change things up if necessary, or for her to take control. Even when she's laying back and enjoying my oral affection, she's an active participant.

All of which is to say that by all means ask for something else if that's what you want - especially if it's annoying generally a turn off. But, maybe look at it as a world worth exploring together first if you think this might be a longer term thing. Communicate and don't look at it as a failure if it doesn't get you off. Maybe he just thinks it's how to impress you, but maybe ask if it's his drug of choice. If it's something that rocks his world like it does mine then maybe that's something you can do for him before moving on to something for you.

Good luck

 

[SisterJezabel]

So many excellent bits of advice already.

Communicate then communicate some more. Remember he can’t see your thoughts. “That tickles, go harder!” Might be a good place to start.

I have a way I like to masturbate. No guy has ever been able to get me off with his fingers, no matter how much I try and describe what I want. That’s fine with me though. If you don’t like something, don’t force it.

I hope you can at least meet him soon and start to explore each other’s bodies.

 

[Jada59]

So many excellent bits of advice already.

Communicate then communicate some more. Remember he can’t see your thoughts. “That tickles, go harder!” Might be a good place to start.

I have a way I like to masturbate. No guy has ever been able to get me off with his fingers, no matter how much I try and describe what I want. That’s fine with me though. If you don’t like something, don’t force it.

I hope you can at least meet him soon and start to explore each other’s bodies.

We did meet. He hasn't given me oral yet.