How?

[MorgaineLaFay]

Some things a person can't help.

Is it a person's fault if he/she fell inlove with someone else?

Could he/she have stopped it?

How does a person help falling in love?

Or, if you want to take first things first, how does a person help falling out of love?


Morgy...who is in a state of curiosity

 

[Wiggles]

Takes two to tango.

And sometimes people grow apart.

That's life, keeps things interesting.

 

[Private Vasquez]

you could get a nasty contusion if you fall too hard....so watch where you're walking.

 

[lobito]

Is it a person's fault if he/she fell inlove with someone else?
nope

Could he/she have stopped it?
nope

How does a person help falling in love?
that's a good question

Or, if you want to take first things first, how does a person help falling out of love?
is that even possible?


Lo

 

[freescorfr]

IMO there's no control possible in the "in love" stakes. Whack! - as auss tess's thread, you're on your arse before you know it.

It's not happened to me too often but when it has it won't go away.

Forming a relationship out of it is a different matter - if the other person feels the same.

Then taking care of that relationship is another task.

The relationship bit you can do a lot about. Breaking up need not even be too painful. In fact it can be a relief and a release, if I read some posts correctly.

 

[JazzManJim]

I believe that you can control whether or not you fall in love.

There's a point in every relationship where you have to choose whether or not to go farther with your feelings. You have to make decisions every day how importantly to place that person in the everyday happenstance of your life.

"Do I want to call X or do I want to go to a movie?"
"Do I want to write X a letter or do I want to make dinner now?"

At the point where you realize that you're choosing X the majority of the time, that's where your point of no return is. Once you make that intellectual decision to move on in your feelings, that's it. You're going for broke. After that, it's all roller-coaster.

I've done that exactly twice in my life, and it turned out badly both times, though each time I would, and still will, defend my decision as the right one at the time.

 

[April]

Breaking up need not even be too painful. In fact it can be a relief and a release, if I read some posts correctly.

Exactly. But I think that's not the usual case.

 

[April]

JMJ, I've been there a number of times. You're absolutely right about that point of no return. Just kinda sneaks up and smacks you in the face sometimes.

 

[freescorfr]

Exactly. But I think that's not the usual case.

No it's always a separation and a loss. Even in the best cases, there's the pain of rupture.

I believe though that how much it hurts often relates to pains associated with earlier losses and separations, rejections and abandonments, betrayals and humiliations in earlier years. These wounds are opened up again when you break up with someone you have loved.
In a sense it's the repetition revives the former pain.

 

[riff]

Don't start that shit, Free Scot. I am drunk and I call them like I see them.

So, tell me. What did you think of my family lineage. You never responded sincerely, Mr. Human Relations expert....

 

[freescorfr]

Don't start that shit, Free Scot. I am drunk and I call them like I see them.

So, tell me. What did you think of my family lineage. You never responded sincerely, Mr. Human Relations expert....

I've sincerely invited you to France Riff to trace the lineage trail. I'd sue your doctor.

You can't be too pissed. You liked ameiliaishornees av.

 

[Guest]

Some things a person can't help.

Is it a person's fault if he/she fell inlove with someone else?

Could he/she have stopped it?

How does a person help falling in love?

Or, if you want to take first things first, how does a person help falling out of love?


Morgy...who is in a state of curiosity

Fuck if I know..... I'm still battling with my own love issue - remember the thread you posted so beautifully on? Thanks again, BTW......

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Some things a person can't help.

Is it a person's fault if he/she fell inlove with someone else?

Could he/she have stopped it?

How does a person help falling in love?

Or, if you want to take first things first, how does a person help falling out of love?
Morgy...who is in a state of curiosity

Your first line says it, Morgy! "Some things a person can't help."

That little word "in" makes such a BIG difference.

It happened to me before I even realized it!! Once I realized it, I had a brief moment when it felt dreadful. I mean, I love a lot of different people for different reasons, and here was my heart screaming at me that THIS is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with! Tried hard NOT to believe it, but realized the only choices I have were to step away from it, or let it develop. The "in love" hit me like a brick, but I still have the choice to either run away or go with it.

Fortunately for me, HE is also "in love" with me. This is the first time I have been the recipient of this intense feeling, but when BOTH of us feel so strongly, it's an incredibly overwhelming feeling, one that I have never experienced before.

I don't think anyone can "help" or "stop" the falling part of "in love", but they can decide to accept it or not. Your heart is already affected though, and that can't be helped.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Some things a person can't help.

Is it a person's fault if he/she fell inlove with someone else?

Could he/she have stopped it?

Fault? No. Could it have been forseen and avoided? Sometimes, I think it can be. Sometimes, it smacks you so hard upside your head that you can't see straight. Neither case involves blame though.

How does a person help falling in love?

I don't know. I suppose if you see it coming, you could begin avoiding the person you're falling for, but I can't see why you'd want to. It's too precious a thing to turn your back on it when it happens.

Or, if you want to take first things first, how does a person help falling out of love?

It's pretty obvious that I can't give advice on this one. I think in a lot of cases the falling out is as unavoidable and surprising as the falling in. Just as you realize one day that you're in love, you can wake up in the morning and realize you're not.

Cynical as I may sound, I don't think 'love' as we imagine it is always meant to last forever with one person. I love. I love unconditionally and powerfully. But that love isn't reserved for one person only, or for one time only. It changes, it grows and diminishes and shifts focus. Marriage makes us think we're supposed to love this one person forever and ever. And that that love is never supposed to change. But marriage was created by man, and love was given us by the gods. We're not created to give everything of ourselves to only one person our whole lives. It's biologically and spiritually unnatural.

 

[vylette]

you cant help what you feel

you know you just cant help what you feel...sometimes you may really really want to but your feeling are just there and you cant change that...at least thats what i think...so you just have to do your best to deal with with them good or bad...matters of the heart are never easy....but so worth it...

 

[AzureAngel]

I fall in love quite easily, quickly and thoroughly. I've complained about it before. My mother's the same way. She was in therapy and complained about it to her therapist, who got upset. He said, "The problem isn't you. Falling in love quickly isn't a bad thing. If more people in the world were LIKE you in that respect, it would be a much better place." That makes me feel a bit better, sometimes.

I find that with myself, the harder I try NOT to fall in love with someone, the more quickly I do. It's not necessarily a bad thing, the falling in love iteslf. Just painful, near the end.

To help falling out? Well... once you're able to be realistic about things with yourself, realizing the impossibility of the situation CAN help. Not that you'll snap out of love. But it's a lot eaiser when you realize that it just couldn't work out. 'least for me.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Most interesting replies...not what I would've thought...

 

[Guest]

I'm starting to think that falling in love with as many people as possible is more on an enriching thing than a bad thing, despite the obvious pain.

A famous man once said, in a speech just days before he died, that to lead a full life one must, every day,
1) get stumped on a very difficult thought. Really, really think. Thankfully, Lit has Dilly for that....
2)laugh - experience joy and emotional highs
3) be moved to tears - experience emotional lows.

I know he didn't say it quit like that, but he sure choked up a room full of male chauvenists.....

I find that love leads me to all of those emotions...... so do some people here....

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

I think I am giving myself a major headache over this...

I started this out of curiosity really. But I can ask myself these very own questions.

People have a plan in life, they try to stick with it...things change...people change...others float around you, darting in & out of your life...while some linger around...haunting you.

 

[Guest]

You're not supposed to give yourself a headache, hon.....

Go masturbate instead

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

My eyes are acting up..I think all that talk about going blind from too much might be true!

 

[Guest]

My eyes are acting up..I think all that talk about going blind from too much might be true!

....close your eyes and use my tongue....

 

[Guest]