How would you answer this question?

[Keroin]

About a month ago, I was spending the afternoon with my friend L and her six-year-old twins. I made a joke that the girl was going to grow up to be a lawyer, which prompted her to ask what a lawyer was. Her mom explained in terms a child of six could understand and then the boy asked his mom, "Have you ever broken the law?"

Her answer, which I will share down the road, was so far from what I would have given that it's stuck with me. I mean, we've all broken the law at some point, even if it was just speeding on our way to work or shoplifting a pack of gum when we were kids.

So now I'm curious to know how others would answer this question, if asked by a young child. How would you answer it?

"Have you ever broken the law?"

 

[graceanne]

About a month ago, I was spending the afternoon with my friend L and her six-year-old twins. I made a joke that the girl was going to grow up to be a lawyer, which prompted her to ask what a lawyer was. Her mom explained in terms a child of six could understand and then the boy asked his mom, "Have you ever broken the law?"

Her answer, which I will share down the road, was so far from what I would have given that it's stuck with me. I mean, we've all broken the law at some point, even if it was just speeding on our way to work or shoplifting a pack of gum when we were kids.

So now I'm curious to know how others would answer this question, if asked by a young child. How would you answer it?

"Have you ever broken the law?"

Mine have asked. I told them the truth. I jaywalk, I speed, and I don't wear my seat belt 'properly'. I haven't ever broke any 'big' laws, though. I also told that that when Daddy was young and stupid he stole some air conditioners and got a couple of DUI's.

 

[rida]

"Have you ever broken the law?"

Depend what you mean by "broken"

Ok, smart ass reply apart, it would be a hard question to answer and I'd be tempted to go down a long line of explanations about laws and how sometime they are not exactly "right" and what kind of infractions I've done, and which I think it was wrong and which I think it was kind of neutral. So I might just leave it at "not any major one" and see where the discussions goes from there.

What my kids have asked so far is if I've ever been arrested, and the answer to that is easy: no.

 

[MisterSir]

I'd say no. I've never been arrested or done anything that would really lead to my arrest, and trying to explain that I've done a few things that weren't legally on the up-and-up but nothing major or even not really petty to a child would be pointless.

 

[ZRT]

I'd say 'Sure, but I'm allowed.'

Which would lead to a very confusing discussion on why rules are made for other people and not me.

 

[Kikori]

Speeding
Possibly running a red light (I can't tell if I was fully under the intersection or not)
Numerous rolling stops on my home road

That's about it. I haven't stolen from work (hell, I stopped a thief), I've stolen light things (pencils, etc) from schoolmates but returned them...

 

[gloriann]

I'd say that it's everyone's job to try not to break any laws, and if I did, I didn't mean to. Then I'd save the truth for when the 6 year old was no longer 6 years old.

 

[Sayyid]

Exactly what you said. "I mean, we've all broken the law at some point, even if it was just speeding on our way to work or shoplifting a pack of gum when we were kids."

 

[intothewoods]

Obviously older kids appreciate nuance more than do younger kids. For a five or six year old, I'd probably say that I try my best to always follow the rules, but sometimes I make mistakes like anyone else. Something like that. I would distinguish a careless mistake of speeding from some premeditated act. Again, nuance is not always appreciated. Something to keep in mind.

My general approach to discussing my faults and choices is honesty, with the caveat that I don't consider myself my kid's buddy. I don't feel the need to sit with a preschooler and tell him I smoked pot when I was in college. The level of detail I provide will really just depend on context, age, maturity...many factors.

 

[graceanne]

I did tell the kids that when I break laws, I normally don't mean to. Which is true to some extent. I've been known to deliberately jay walk. lol

 

[Homburg]

"Then there was that time that they sent yer old pop up the river for strong-arm robbery. That was when I met Jay. Whatta hunk."

I would tell them the truth. After wanting to make shit up. I actually do that quite a bit. The kids will ask some question and I will come up with some wild-ass bullshit answer. They laugh and say "PAPA!" and I give them a correct answer. Usually.

In this case, I would talk about my checkered past vis a vis traffic laws. I've never been arrested, but I did spend a couple of years in my youth collecting more than a few tickets for moving violations, including a license suspension.

Once they are older, the discussion would likely change a bit to allow for my perspective on inane laws, and when it is okay to break them. For example, here in Virginia, it is illegal to pass a police officer on the road without first honking your horn. After all, you don't want to spook his horses. Yes, kids, that law is still on the books. I know, as I broke it at least five times today alone.

 

[BiBunny]

"Then there was that time that they sent yer old pop up the river for strong-arm robbery. That was when I met Jay. Whatta hunk."

I would tell them the truth. After wanting to make shit up. I actually do that quite a bit. The kids will ask some question and I will come up with some wild-ass bullshit answer. They laugh and say "PAPA!" and I give them a correct answer. Usually.

In this case, I would talk about my checkered past vis a vis traffic laws. I've never been arrested, but I did spend a couple of years in my youth collecting more than a few tickets for moving violations, including a license suspension.

Once they are older, the discussion would likely change a bit to allow for my perspective on inane laws, and when it is okay to break them. For example, here in Virginia, it is illegal to pass a police officer on the road without first honking your horn. After all, you don't want to spook his horses. Yes, kids, that law is still on the books. I know, as I broke it at least five times today alone.

WTF? The worst thing you can do to a poor person on horseback is blow your horn at him/her. I've narrowly avoided becoming a hood ornament on several occasions when assholes have done that to me.

 

[graceanne]

.
For example, here in Virginia, it is illegal to pass a police officer on the road without first honking your horn. After all, you don't want to spook his horses. Yes, kids, that law is still on the books. I know, as I broke it at least five times today alone.

[hijack]
http://www.dumblaws.com
[/hijack]

 

[Soukie]

I've broken the law many times; I'm not the sort of person who lives her life crossing her t's and dotting her i's so to speak.

However, my belief is that just because something is the law, it doesn't necessarily mean it's morally just.

 

[Keroin]

So, my first planned response, when the child asked this question, (because I wanted to be prepared in case I was asked, too), was to say, "Yes" and then add a lot of qualifiers.

Yes...but I know better now and I try my best not to break the law.

Yes...but I was very young and I thought it was cool, and that's a bad reason.

Etc, etc.

After all, my reasoning is that despite the fact the we've all done it, that doesn't mean that we should give kids the idea that breaking the law is OK.

My friend, L, answered, simply, "Yes, I have."

No qualifiers, no explanation, just the facts.

The kids then asked how she'd broken the law and, once again, she replied with the facts only. Her infractions were minor, as most people's would be, but she didn't, at any time, make a comment about the ethical or moral implications of her actions. I found this really interesting and, in retrospect, I think it's a good way to answer such a question. I like that she trusted the kids - and they are very well behaved children - to come to their own conclusions. I like that she didn't talk down to them. And I like that she didn't ever discourage their questions.

It made me think about the fine balance between teaching kids to be good people and good citizens and letting them find their own way in the world and develop critical thinking. At what point do we let them make up their own minds?

In the time I've spent with these two kids, I've seen a couple of well-mannered, kind, joyful, clever little humans. Their mother constantly surprises me with her very honest, but dedicated, (and balanced), method of parenting.

I'm sure any offspring of mine would be nervous wrecks. LOL.

What do you think of that kind of response to the question in the OP?

 

[ImOnIt]

I like to smoke marijuana sometimes. I bought cigarettes and alcohol before i was 18 (oooh nauuuughty). A minor speeding ticket. In the past, i was pulled, lights and sirens for rollerblades on the road. That one scared the shit out of me, and how the fuck do you explain that since all the driveways on the hill are blind, I am _MUCH_ safer on the road?

Also... driving passengers on restricted license (especially my girlfriend). Sex when we were below age 16. I stole some batteries and other small things when i was 6-7. Felt super guilty and made the effort to pay them back. File sharing. I feel morally obliged TO file share, and have respect for my own effort and money in that regard.

I feel quite justified in all of those (except theft).


PS - if a child asked, i think I would just say yes and leave it like that. I think, Keroin, that is quite the ideal way to answer.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Kerion I like your friends style. My children have asked me is I have done drugs, or if I have ever driven drunk, or stolen anything or had pre-marital sex. I have always answered honestly without given more details than are necessary. I also give a little talk on what I have learned from my mistakes. My teenage daughter has thanked me for being honest. She once told me that she doesn't feel as pressured to be perfect nor is she afraid to tell me when she has made a mistake.

I do what I can to keep the line of communication open with my children.

I'd say 'Sure, but I'm allowed.'

Which would lead to a very confusing discussion on why rules are made for other people and not me.

I hope you were just kidding. I am an easy going person but this is most likely my one and only pet peeve. My brother is like this. He thinks because he lives in a million dollar+ house that rules don't apply to him or his children. His children are brats and impossible to be around. Most of the bullies in my children's schools have been rich brats who parents have taught them this same thing.

 

[DVS]

OK, this is a tough one. But, to be honest, I'd have to say...if they haven't found the bodies yet, then I've not broken any laws. But, it could be any day now, that they come knocking at my door.

See, I drove by the lot the other day and they are building a hotel there. It's only a matter of time, now. But, shit, I use to really get pissed off, before my illness was diagnosed. Now, I'm a pussy cat, even when someone flips me off on the street.

So, maybe I could say I did some bad things when I was younger. But, I can't be too honest because they would know. Wait...a kid can't testify against you, can they?

As others have done, maybe I could add some qualifiers, but until they find those bodies, I'm going with "No".

After that, if I were to be honest, I'd have to say "yes" but I know better now and I try my best not to break the law. I know murder is a bad, bad thing and even if someone really deserves to die, taking the law into my own hands is wrong.

Yes...but I was very young and I thought it was cool, and that's a bad reason. Actually, I think it's cool that the bodies haven't been found, yet. Damn construction though...I could be going into seclusion soon.

Another option would be to sort of tell the truth. Yes, I've broken the law, but I didn't mean to. It's a bad thing, at least until the cops come to see me. And like I said, if they come to the door, I won't be home.

But, who hasn't told a white lie? What guy hasn't rehashed his answer when his wife asks where he was all night? What if she asks if her ass looks big in that new dress she just bought? There are just some times when it's ummm, better than telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

After all, my reasoning is that despite the fact the we've all done it, that doesn't mean that we should give kids the idea that breaking the law is OK. Murder is very bad, and usually messy, too.

Then, if they don't find the bodies, my answer is "No" and I'm sticking with it. Whitness protection is't a sure thing. Trust me.

 

[Homburg]

WTF? The worst thing you can do to a poor person on horseback is blow your horn at him/her. I've narrowly avoided becoming a hood ornament on several occasions when assholes have done that to me.

This law was made when cars were barely faster than a horse-drawn wagon, and horns were about as loud as the horn you had on your bicycle growing up. The car, however, was a loud, nasty beast, and horses were entirely unused to the noise.

It's still a stupid law, and made worse by the fact that it is still on the books.

--

What do you think of that kind of response to the question in the OP?

I've done the same sort of matter of fact thing (after my usual tongue-in-cheek BS story), and my kids responded well to it. I tend towards that sort of thing.

 

[JMohegan]

Obviously older kids appreciate nuance more than do younger kids. For a five or six year old, I'd probably say that I try my best to always follow the rules, but sometimes I make mistakes like anyone else. Something like that. I would distinguish a careless mistake of speeding from some premeditated act. Again, nuance is not always appreciated. Something to keep in mind.

My general approach to discussing my faults and choices is honesty, with the caveat that I don't consider myself my kid's buddy. I don't feel the need to sit with a preschooler and tell him I smoked pot when I was in college. The level of detail I provide will really just depend on context, age, maturity...many factors.

I agree with all of this, but would add that I don't perceive 5/6 year olds as probing for character weakness in the addressee when asking this question. Instead, my impression is that what kids that age really want to know is whether it's ever okay to break the law, and if so - when. In my experience with such discussions, the kids are also keenly interested in consequences.

Because this has been my impression, my response has been "yes," and to give the example of breaking into an empty house to use the telephone, after a buddy of mine wiped out on his bike and was bleeding out the entire left half of his body.

 

[WriterDom]

Most of us do every time we hit someone.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Most of us do every time we hit someone.

I wondered when that answer would come up in regard to a PYL.

 

[WriterDom]

I wondered when that answer would come up in regard to a PYL.

I don't see it that way myself since it's consensual but I am concerned about what some redneck cop might think.

 

[graceanne]

Then, if they don't find the bodies, my answer is "No" and I'm sticking with it. Whitness protection is't a sure thing. Trust me.

LOL!!

 

[intothewoods]

I agree with all of this, but would add that I don't perceive 5/6 year olds as probing for character weakness in the addressee when asking this question. Instead, my impression is that what kids that age really want to know is whether it's ever okay to break the law, and if so - when. In my experience with such discussions, the kids are also keenly interested in consequences.

Because this has been my impression, my response has been "yes," and to give the example of breaking into an empty house to use the telephone, after a buddy of mine wiped out on his bike and was bleeding out the entire left half of his body.

Right, mine has been much more focused on consequences and what is fair, rather than is it ever ok to break the law.