How to tell me fiance...

localsub1

Experienced
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Posts
36
Nothing turns me on more than beings humiliated but Im having a hard time finding a way to tell my fiancé. Im a big husky macho guy and that's what she is attracted to. He has told me if I were skinny, she likely wouldn't be with me. I fear if I tell her my fantasies, she will no longer look at me in the same light and leave me. I love the sex we do have but my cravings for humiliation are getting stronger and kinkier. I want her to tie me up, use a strap on on me, make me eat my own cum, dress me in womans clothes, make me lick her ass and so on. Its gotten to the point now where I want her to have a few guys have there way with me while she watches and laughs at me. Is it even possible to share this with her? I need help. And leaving her is out of the question. Im on the hook for the next 18 years so I would like the guaranteed sex if possible.
 
Nothing turns me on more than beings humiliated but Im having a hard time finding a way to tell my fiancé. Im a big husky macho guy and that's what she is attracted to. He has told me if I were skinny, she likely wouldn't be with me. I fear if I tell her my fantasies, she will no longer look at me in the same light and leave me. I love the sex we do have but my cravings for humiliation are getting stronger and kinkier. I want her to tie me up, use a strap on on me, make me eat my own cum, dress me in womans clothes, make me lick her ass and so on. Its gotten to the point now where I want her to have a few guys have there way with me while she watches and laughs at me. Is it even possible to share this with her? I need help. And leaving her is out of the question. Im on the hook for the next 18 years so I would like the guaranteed sex if possible.

Sometimes it's really hard giving people advice in case you say the wrong thing or tell them something they don't want to hear.

Are you communicating with her about any of this at all?
 
localsub, if your kink is completely at odds with your demeanor otherwise, this may surprise her. it may even be a bomb shell. but none of us--apparently including yourself--can possibly know beforehand.

i think that maybe the best way is to be honest, find a time you know you two won't be interrupted for about half an hour or so and explain that you have a kink, it's probably a bit of a surprise, and that you simply explain that being sexually humiliated is something you find a real turn-on and want to be able to share with her.

i presume you're worried about if she isn't interested in hearing it. i don't know thing one about your fiancee, but honestly, the earlier, the better with this sort of thing. a kink concealed can fester.

i think you need to know why this is a turn on. because she will almost certainly ask.

ed
 
So you're clearly engaged to this woman. If she's with you only because you're not a skinny guy, you need to step back and look at your relationship as a whole. I'm assuming when you say that she wouldn't be with you if you were smaller, that was her initial physical attraction to you. If you're engaged now, your relationship must be something more than sexual and physical attraction now.

As the responders before me posted, talk to her. Don't bring it up in the middle of a heated sex session; bring up the topic before. Just sit her down and mention that next time you're in the bedroom, you have something new that you really want to try. And who knows? Maybe if she does agree and plays out your fantasies, you'll realize that you don't enjoy as much as you thought you would.

If you do love the kink of humiliation but she loves having a male dominant her, switch off. Some nights the roles will be in your favor, and some nights you'll play her games. This all has to be about communication and compromise, especially if you're planning to make this woman you're wife.

Good luck!
 
Nothing turns me on more than beings humiliated but Im having a hard time finding a way to tell my fiancé. Im a big husky macho guy and that's what she is attracted to. He has told me if I were skinny, she likely wouldn't be with me. I fear if I tell her my fantasies, she will no longer look at me in the same light and leave me. I love the sex we do have but my cravings for humiliation are getting stronger and kinkier. I want her to tie me up, use a strap on on me, make me eat my own cum, dress me in womans clothes, make me lick her ass and so on. Its gotten to the point now where I want her to have a few guys have there way with me while she watches and laughs at me. Is it even possible to share this with her? I need help. And leaving her is out of the question. Im on the hook for the next 18 years so I would like the guaranteed sex if possible.

I've come to a place in my life where I have realized the person I'm with will have to accept all of me. Not pieces of me. This includes my kinks. Does that mean they HAVE to participate. No. Does it mean I can express them. YES. You should never be in a place where you are ashamed of what you want, like, etc. I think communication is key in any relationship and being able to explain why something does "it" for you always helps the other party become invested in being there for you. My partner will be my partner because they want me to be just as happy as I want them to be. End of story. Best of luck.
 
This person you're with has made her preferences known, and they are not compatible with yours. What is it that you hope to achieve by telling her the truth? She will not be amused, and yes, she WILL see you differently. Nothing ever stays the same, but the question is, will she see you in a light that is useful to you (and her, and the continuity of your relationship)? No. it would be foolish to tell her about your kink.
 
If you don't tell her now and get it all straight BEFORE you get married, then I predict you will be divorced somewhere down the road. Either you will be totally frustrated and angry if you don't open up, or she will be upset and frustrated because you withdraw from her, or she will be shocked and upset when she finally finds out what you want, or you'll be out finding another woman who will give you what you need.

Trust me, a marriage that isn't completely open and one in which two people completely understand, accept, and welcome what the other person is, then it will be a long, frustrating, angry, and hurtful relationship. Get it out in the open BEFORE the "I do's" or be prepared to be miserable the rest of your life.
 
Munky was the first to troll. Query won the war. Putting that much effort into trolling just means you're pathetic in real life.
 
Last edited:
This person you're with has made her preferences known, and they are not compatible with yours. What is it that you hope to achieve by telling her the truth? She will not be amused, and yes, she WILL see you differently. Nothing ever stays the same, but the question is, will she see you in a light that is useful to you (and her, and the continuity of your relationship)? No. it would be foolish to tell her about your kink.

If you hide a huge part of who you are from the one you love then it could eat you up and cause more problems.
 
If you don't tell her now and get it all straight BEFORE you get married, then I predict you will be divorced somewhere down the road. Either you will be totally frustrated and angry if you don't open up, or she will be upset and frustrated because you withdraw from her, or she will be shocked and upset when she finally finds out what you want, or you'll be out finding another woman who will give you what you need.

Trust me, a marriage that isn't completely open and one in which two people completely understand, accept, and welcome what the other person is, then it will be a long, frustrating, angry, and hurtful relationship. Get it out in the open BEFORE the "I do's" or be prepared to be miserable the rest of your life.

The part in bold needs to be said again.

There, I fixed it.

If you hide a huge part of who you are from the one you love then it could eat you up and cause more problems.

Yeah. He should just count on someone who has explicitly told him she won't accept something to be understanding.

Nothing is gained by telling the truth. Either find someone else or suck it up.
 
There, I fixed it.



Yeah. He should just count on someone who has explicitly told him she won't accept something to be understanding.

Nothing is gained by telling the truth. Either find someone else or suck it up.

Sometimes the truth can set you free or bite you in the ass. ;)


Being honest is always a risk. But if you don't communicate with your partner then you don't know how they will react.
 
Sometimes the truth can set you free or bite you in the ass. ;)


Being honest is always a risk. But if you don't communicate with your partner then you don't know how they will react.

This is indeed true. Telling your partner who you are IS A HUGE RISK because you don't know how they will react and they may kick you to the curb. However, it's better to be kicked to the curb and recover before you invest a bunch of years in a frustrating marriage. Marrying someone from whom you are hiding your true self or marrying someone that you think you can change is a recipe for disaster.
 
Munky was the first to troll. Query won the war. Putting that much effort into trolling just means you're pathetic in real life.
 
Last edited:
Yes, you're right. Hiding something all your life and having a marriage based on lies is always the right choice. :rolleyes:

As the others have said... If she doesn't accept it, might as well get it over with long before there's children, property to divide, and such, when the divorce happens.

That "always" there is yours, not mine. In this case, however, it might be the right choice, depending on what is more important to him. It's pretty simple, really. Do you want to tell the truth and freak your fiancée out, or not? If the answer is no, do you want to suck it up and let your kink go, to keep what you have, or do you want to find someone else?
 
Last edited:
Munky was the first to troll. Query won the war. Putting that much effort into trolling just means you're pathetic in real life.
 
Last edited:
If it might be the right choice, why go as far as to correcting my post and re-posting it? Twice. Could it be that you wanted to pick a fight, as is common on Lit, and then saw all the other answers that disagreed with yours, and are now slowly changing yours to match?

And, no, it's not pretty simple. If it was the OP would have never asked for advice. By the way, the second part of your answer directly contradicts your first re-writing of my answer. Make up your mind.

As for my always, that you felt the need to edit my post again to correct, it was sarcasm. Did you not notice the rolled eyes afterwards?

:rolleyes:

I really don't know what you're talking about, but go have a blast.
 
Munky was the first to troll. Query won the war. Putting that much effort into trolling just means you're pathetic in real life.
 
Last edited:
Munky was the first to troll. Query won the war. Putting that much effort into trolling just means you're pathetic in real life.
 
Last edited:
Dude, it's okay. You gave bad advice, put words in someone else's mouth much like a political ad,

I gave my opinion. I put words in no one else's mouth; I made a different part of someone's message bold, and it made you angry.

changed your response when no one else agreed with you, contradicted yourself later,

I didn't change my response. It remains the same: saying the truth in the situation described by the OP is a bad idea (in my opinion).

can't defend yourself beyond one-liner insults,

I felt no need to "defend" myself. My "insult" was to tell you to go have a good day, which I meant, because you're obviously far more angry about "someone wrong on the internet" than I am.

and are now just trolling for an argument.

You asked: "butthurt much?" What, you didn't expect me to reply?

May I suggest the playground or the general board? Or maybe you can automate some one-bombs for revenge?

Hm. It seems I just became a major part of someone's day, to the point of him/her feeling the need to dig up a message to display out of context. ;) I am sorry you feel that way.
 
Munky was the first to troll. Query won the war. Putting that much effort into trolling just means you're pathetic in real life.
 
Last edited:
Yeah... We see that. :D Bye-bye.

Felt - past tense.

And "bye-bye"? Are you twelve? :)

EDIT: As I see it, all the one liner asshat replies are coming from you, so perhaps this is a matter of projection?
 
Last edited:
Lostlittlegirl2 said it perfectly. A while back I was on the receiving end of your situation. I was talking to a guy who was in the military, worked outdoors for a living, did everything like a man, a perfect macho man, yet he decided to be open with me and tell me that he was previously with a domme and had been fucked in the butt before and he liked it. The more we talked the more kink he told me about. I now know everything about him including him being transgender and wearing women's clothing and everything. He has made it perfectly clear that he liked me for me and I don't have to participate in his kinks but that I'm welcome to if I wanted to. And I do. I now could never go back to vanilla. I love him for who he is and I wouldn't have him any other way. To me, he is perfect. I suspect that if he decides to begin the sex change process (which he refuses to do) that I would still be with him. I have never had a stronger bond with anyone. Go slow and tell your fiancé...
 
In my experience life is short. Being unhappy in a relationship makes it unpleasant for both of the people involved. No matter how much you try and hide it.

Some who are unhappy cheat or do self destructive things because they are unhappy. Why enter into a serious relationship if you cannot be who you truly are? If someone loves you hopefully they will love the whole package that is you.

But if you're hiding who you are but feel compelled to act out your fantasies there will be consequences if you get found out. It all will get so emotionally messy.


Backdoorwhore, I loved reading your post. Your situation would not be easy for some to understand and go through with your loved one. I am glad you found each other. :)
 
Back
Top