How to talk to women successfully

[sumilin]

this isn't a vent but i hope guys read this for their own benefit. guys: avoid the things below and you'll be a lot more successful with the ladies (both online and offline) and girls will appreciate you a lot more.

i'm so tired of these types of guys messaging me so i thought i'd start a 'what you shouldn't do':

"hi baby i want you to be my dirty slut while im at work/wife is away/horny with my pants down"

don't do this. even if that is your situation. understand that the world doesn't revolve around you. it's not always about the situation you're in but the situation you can create with another person (a man, woman whatever you're into). hear what they are feeling and want, then try to find something common to your situation. this is the biggest turn off ever.

"I'm a 24 yr old stud 6'1 225 well built brown hair hazel eyes"

great, good for you! that doesn't mean much to me in an online world. i know guys love to hear about how the girl they're chatting with looks and that's ok, but girls also want to hear about your creativity, your mind, your kinks -- the things that will make a difference in the chat or roleplay. if you have a 9 inch cock in real life, i can't really suck on that through your computer can i?

"hi slut i'm looking for a taboo incest armpit tickling midget roleplay fantasy"

again, good for you for knowing exactly what you want. but the chances of some random person having the same exact fetish is next to nothing. start with your kinks, then expand to the roles you like play (Master, Daddy, etc.) and then talk more specifically about scenes or types of roleplays. you never know which ones might interest your partner and you might find that they have something to add that matches one of their interests and you'll both create a brand new thing.

"i love chatting about interests and needs"

too generic and often you're just looking to chat and get off. there's no benefit to your partner. don't be selfish.

so how do you talk to women successfully? like most things in life, you have to be able to sell yourself. why are you unique? are you creative? do you have some experience in life that makes you special? what do you have to offer to the chat/roleplay/relationship? make it less about you and more about the union of your partner and you.

also learn to pace yourself. don't go too fast (e.g. "how do you look baby?") or too slow. everyone has their own pace so learn to adapt to your partners and they adapt to you. some like it very detailed, others like it fast moving. also the same person might like it at a different pace at a different time.

 

[RichardBlake]

Bravo, and well stated.

 

[Mockingjay]

this isn't a vent but i hope guys read this for their own benefit. guys: avoid the things below and you'll be a lot more successful with the ladies (both online and offline) and girls will appreciate you a lot more.

i'm so tired of these types of guys messaging me so i thought i'd start a 'what you shouldn't do':

"hi baby i want you to be my dirty slut while im at work/wife is away/horny with my pants down"

don't do this. even if that is your situation. understand that the world doesn't revolve around you. it's not always about the situation you're in but the situation you can create with another person (a man, woman whatever you're into). hear what they are feeling and want, then try to find something common to your situation. this is the biggest turn off ever.

"I'm a 24 yr old stud 6'1 225 well built brown hair hazel eyes"

great, good for you! that doesn't mean much to me in an online world. i know guys love to hear about how the girl they're chatting with looks and that's ok, but girls also want to hear about your creativity, your mind, your kinks -- the things that will make a difference in the chat or roleplay. if you have a 9 inch cock in real life, i can't really suck on that through your computer can i?

"hi slut i'm looking for a taboo incest armpit tickling midget roleplay fantasy"

again, good for you for knowing exactly what you want. but the chances of some random person having the same exact fetish is next to nothing. start with your kinks, then expand to the roles you like play (Master, Daddy, etc.) and then talk more specifically about scenes or types of roleplays. you never know which ones might interest your partner and you might find that they have something to add that matches one of their interests and you'll both create a brand new thing.

"i love chatting about interests and needs"

too generic and often you're just looking to chat and get off. there's no benefit to your partner. don't be selfish.

so how do you talk to women successfully? like most things in life, you have to be able to sell yourself. why are you unique? are you creative? do you have some experience in life that makes you special? what do you have to offer to the chat/roleplay/relationship? make it less about you and more about the union of your partner and you.

also learn to pace yourself. don't go too fast (e.g. "how do you look baby?") or too slow. everyone has their own pace so learn to adapt to your partners and they adapt to you. some like it very detailed, others like it fast moving. also the same person might like it at a different pace at a different time.

Indeed! Well explained, fella!

 

[DiablosWhore]

.... i'm so tired of these types of guys messaging me so i thought i'd start a 'what you shouldn't do': .....

Okay, you probably don't want to hear/read this, but you should check back on some of your past posts and comments. In some, you come across as a hot, sexy, eager, little slut willing to do just lots of hot, sexy, arousing things with men. So now YOU are the one who is acting as if such behavior is wrong or out of place. Change your mind much, do you?

What's the deal? This is, after all, a erotic (read "porno") site with lots of fetishes and kinky behavior as well as hot, sexy, arousing stories. I think that perhaps you came here thinking that this was the "Better Homes and Gardens" website?

Oh, by the way, sumilin, what's your latest fetish interests? ;=)

 

[sumilin]

Okay, you probably don't want to hear/read this, but you should check back on some of your past posts and comments. In some, you come across as a hot, sexy, eager, little slut willing to do just lots of hot, sexy, arousing things with men. So now YOU are the one who is acting as if such behavior is wrong or out of place. Change your mind much, do you?

What's the deal? This is, after all, a erotic (read "porno") site with lots of fetishes and kinky behavior as well as hot, sexy, arousing stories. I think that perhaps you came here thinking that this was the "Better Homes and Gardens" website?

Oh, by the way, sumilin, what's your latest fetish interests? ;=)

that's exactly what i was trying to highlight. just because a girl lists out her fetish interests and some of them include her being a hot sexy eager wanton slut doesn't mean you don't take the time to start the conversation about mutual interests and what both people are looking for. my ads/fetish are a starting point to the conversation, just like your fetishes/needs. all i'm saying is that jumping straight to "hi slut you sound like a fucktoy, let's fuck" is quite flat and unimaginative regardless of mine or anyone else's fetishes.

 

[DiablosWhore]

..... all i'm saying is that jumping straight to "hi slut you sound like a fucktoy, let's fuck" is quite flat and unimaginative regardless of mine or anyone else's fetishes.

Perhaps a little tolerance is in order for the day. That guy who PMs you like that ....it just might be HIS fetish to treat such women like the sluts they make themselves out to be.

I'm not making this some major issue, sumilin, but perhaps a little tolerance on your part might ALSO be in order. How long does it take to delete a PM?

 

[indreamsyouare]

at first i had the same pov. but after my office firewall blocked the site and categorized it as porno lol i just ignore

ps i am straight but i am so turned on when women pm me like that lol

 

[Titman69x]

Sumlin thanks for starting this thread, I think there have been some good comment so far.

I would like to offer a male perspective. Starting a chat with someone is a complete crapshoot in an online setting. There are very few contextual clues to help guild that initial interaction. I try to be myself and if there is a connection great otherwise move on.

This is supposed to be communication and that involves 2 people. The most interesting chats I've had have been when the other person is engaged and asking questions and sharing their interests. The ones that crash and burn are the ones that I am expected to know what they want and how the like it. Regardless of what the opening line is.

 

[mowi]

Interesting thread...

... think I'll stick around to see how this one plays out.

 

[EruditeHobo]

----------------------------

 

[craiger58]

Are you saying...

"hi slut i'm looking for a taboo incest armpit tickling midget roleplay fantasy" never works???

Damn, I'll have to re-think my approach, muhahahahahahaha!

 

[bubbleYumm]

that's exactly what i was trying to highlight. just because a girl lists out her fetish interests and some of them include her being a hot sexy eager wanton slut doesn't mean you don't take the time to start the conversation about mutual interests and what both people are looking for. my ads/fetish are a starting point to the conversation, just like your fetishes/needs. all i'm saying is that jumping straight to "hi slut you sound like a fucktoy, let's fuck" is quite flat and unimaginative regardless of mine or anyone else's fetishes.

I agree with you 10000000%

 

[Tastytooter]

Sumlin thanks for starting this thread, I think there have been some good comment so far.

I would like to offer a male perspective. Starting a chat with someone is a complete crapshoot in an online setting. There are very few contextual clues to help guild that initial interaction. I try to be myself and if there is a connection great otherwise move on.

This is supposed to be communication and that involves 2 people. The most interesting chats I've had have been when the other person is engaged and asking questions and sharing their interests. The ones that crash and burn are the ones that I am expected to know what they want and how the like it. Regardless of what the opening line is.

I think Mr.69x raises an important point. Being yourself isn't a guarantee of success, and there's an equally likely chance that the person you're chatting up is a horrible conversationalist. I've made great friends through this board by being the oddball that I am (and despite my unfortunate screenname that I thought was hilarious when I was 18 but is now slightly less so) but just as often spent time asking questions and trying out banter only to receive one-word responses, "thx"s, and indifference.

As much as finding the right opening line (and everyting sumlin points out seems like a huge drag to me) is helpful, it's good to keep in mind that you also have to find the right person. And sometimes that means wading through a few wrong persons first.

 

[NiceNastyMann]

Can't. think. of. anything. witty...

I think Mr.69x raises an important point. Being yourself isn't a guarantee of success, and there's an equally likely chance that the person you're chatting up is a horrible conversationalist. I've made great friends through this board by being the oddball that I am (and despite my unfortunate screenname that I thought was hilarious when I was 18 but is now slightly less so) but just as often spent time asking questions and trying out banter only to receive one-word responses, "thx"s, and indifference.

As much as finding the right opening line (and everyting sumlin points out seems like a huge drag to me) is helpful, it's good to keep in mind that you also have to find the right person. And sometimes that means wading through a few wrong persons first.

It is a crap shoot. I'm sure I'm not the only one - you see someone interesting, you check their prior posts. Great if they have some - not so much if they don't.

Let's be honest here. Rejection at a bar, or some other social setting - you've screwed up your courage, you've put on the right clothes, you took a bath - yes that was an intentional joke so please at least chuckle - thank you - and you get shot down.

Okay - here try it - it may or may not work. Lurk for a bit - try again.

 

[AndrosD]

Online is frustrating .. you may be a great guy to talk/flirt with, but way too many sausages online. So the great guy ends up talking to himself and playing alone

 

[NiceNastyMann]

Online is frustrating .. you may be a great guy to talk/flirt with, but way too many sausages online. So the great guy ends up talking to himself and playing alone

Try - lurk - try - lurk - the endless cycle of life.

 

[DiablosWhore]

It is a crap shoot. I'm sure I'm not the only one - you see someone interesting, you check their prior posts. Great if they have some - not so much if they don't.

Let's be honest here. Rejection at a bar, or some other social setting - you've screwed up your courage, you've put on the right clothes, you took a bath - yes that was an intentional joke so please at least chuckle - thank you - and you get shot down.

Okay - here try it - it may or may not work. Lurk for a bit - try again.

One thing that's coming out too slowly on this thread is that this situation is not just a problem for men. Women fight much the same battles, just from a different part of the arena. Go into a bar or club and look around - there's ten women there. The men grade them by how they look, how sexy they are (how the man sees them as "attractive").

And interestingly, and in line with the OP, I'd be willing to bet that most men here would say something like, "Hell, I try to be a nice guy, and get shot down! Joe goes over and says 'Hey, babe, let's go fuck' and he gets the girls!" Just ain't fair, is it?

I go to the club, see the guy I want, head over toward him only to see some hot, sexy slut drags the guy off the stool and out the door. Damn! So I decide to be a hot, sexy, slut and...... Damn! ;=)

 

[Mockingjay]

Online is frustrating .. you may be a great guy to talk/flirt with, but way too many sausages online. So the great guy ends up talking to himself and playing alone

Indeed!

Nice guys online are so too nice to deal with, much more like fragile flowers...

 

[angel2612]

As a women:

Plain and simple, be unique. A one sentenced PM is not going to take notice. However an introduction that leaves me curious may leave you with my yahoo.

xoxo

 

[TiniMims]

Just my two cents, I think it's easy for the women on Lit to tell the men how they should act, how they should write their PMs and how to be better than 'those guys' that send one liners or 'selfish' PMs about wanting to get off That is if they want a shot at even getting a reply, no guarantee though.

We don't have to lift a finger and we get PMs simply because we are female. It is a sausage fest and we do get bombarded and deal with vulgar crude one liner PMs more times than not. But it's Lit, a quick delete and it's done and over with if it isn't your thing. I've talked to a few of those one liners guys (some did write out thoughtful PMs in the beginning and only been met with silence) and they aren't horrible people and most of the times not even rude, just explicitly horny I think we got it pretty good honestly..

 

[marlowe70]

Well....speaking for the Y chromosome crowd, probably a lot of us do wait to come on Lit after we're in a particularly disadvantageous state of mind...or rather, lack of mind.

I try not to ever be rude, but I do appreciate when women state in their profiles if they don't like private messages...since I don't feel those are otherwise inherently off limits.

 

[abvt75]

Also, the most important thing is .... If tHe female is not responding to you or says dont message her ... Leave her alone. The reason i say that is its the girls loss and the guys!

Women sometimes on lit act prude, snobbish because they know they can do whatever they want as they are bombarded but the truthis did they do any due diligence to find who the real folks are or just reply on presumption or didn't like the way some one wrote them something.

 

[Mockingjay]

Also, the most important thing is .... If tHe female is not responding to you or says dont message her ... Leave her alone. The reason i say that is its the girls loss and the guys!

Women sometimes on lit act prude, snobbish because they know they can do whatever they want as they are bombarded but the truthis did they do any due diligence to find who the real folks are or just reply on presumption or didn't like the way some one wrote them something.

Or perhaps due to the fact that there's an unknown ratio of men and women on Lit, women can't talk to 10 guys at the same time, though some remains, some leave and some are just ignored.

 

[jomcb57]

Interesting

Think I will stick around for awhile

 

[DiablosWhore]

I think it's interesting that some of my best PM conversations came from guys who PMed me and said things like "Hey, if you're a whore, can I fuck your brains out?" When I responded, "Well, no. But thanks for the offer." He came back and apologized, and we ended up having a nice, civil conversation.

I'm just not for the idea of treating all women the same, or treating all men that same. We're all different, want different things, expect different outcomes. There are some women on here who advertise to be fucked roughly and gang fucked. Should those women be PMed with the same thoughtful nice-guy approach as the OP suggested? I don't think so, do you?

Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you ....and if you want to be gang-fucked..... ;=)