How to stop loving someone......

[chewbacca71]

I am looking for any feedback or advice on the subject of how to stop loving someone. I am seperated and on the way to a divorce. She has done as much as she can to hurt me in many ways but I still love her as much as the day we met. Any ideas?

Chewey

 

[lavender]

 

[Tantanah]

I think once you truly love someone there's a part of you that will always love that person. No matter what.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

I think once you truly love someone there's a part of you that will always love that person. No matter what.

yeah thats what an ex gf told me as the cops hauled her ass away for violating the restraining order

 

[StarXChyld]

Chewey,

I feel for you. I'm sorry about your divorce and I wish there was a magic pill or secret chant that could make it all go away. . .but there isn't. Talk about it. Cry about it. Write about it. Until you're numb and feel nothing.

 

[Georgia Girl]

I wish manuals were given out with instructions on letting go but they aren't. It takes time, tears, anger, grief, and a whole lot of other emotions.

In the process, be gentle with yourself. That is the most important thing.

 

[bluemuse]

You can't turn off love.....there isn't a secret switch. A part of you will always love her. Time and space are the only things that will help you feel better.

Take care of yourself.

A part of me wanted to say, "Face it. You're fucked." But I stomped on that urge....

 

[huskie]

I am looking for any feedback or advice on the subject of how to stop loving someone. I am seperated and on the way to a divorce. She has done as much as she can to hurt me in many ways but I still love her as much as the day we met. Any ideas?

Chewey

Go to church and start shopping for other women.

 

[glamorilla]

it's hard to develop the sensibility to know when to call it quits. it sounds cold and emotionless and i only get it half right. i still terribly miss my very first boyfriend. we were together a long time and i still haven't met or found anything to take his place (unless you count heavy partying and meaningless sex with lot of men as pursuing relationships) but i've since learned that if someone isn't bringing something good into my life it's best to let them go. i punish people with my absence.

 

[chewbacca71]

Thank you all for you input. We have been together for 11 1/2 years, married for over 9 and have three great kids. I think part of not being able to let go is a shred of hope that things will eventually work out. Guess I must be naive.

Chewey

 

[brokenbrainwave]

Thank you all for you input. We have been together for 11 1/2 years, married for over 9 and have three great kids. I think part of not being able to let go is a shred of hope that things will eventually work out. Guess I must be naive.

Chewey

this is admirable of you

 

[chewbacca71]

Chewey,

I feel for you. I'm sorry about your divorce and I wish there was a magic pill or secret chant that could make it all go away. . .but there isn't. Talk about it. Cry about it. Write about it. Until you're numb and feel nothing.

I have done a few of those thing and the numbness is pretty much there. I just hope the pain of this will lessen over time. I think you only find one true love in each life time, and mine is walking away.

Chewey

 

[chewbacca71]

this is admirable of you

Admirable, I am not sure. Definetely pigheaded and stubborn. I know she has said that she would not come back and I tell people that I would not take her back if she asked. But in my heart of hearts , I know that I would even after the pain she has put me through.

 

[chewbacca71]

I think once you truly love someone there's a part of you that will always love that person. No matter what.

*Sigh* I would have to agree with that. Since this is the only person that I feel that I truly loved, I think I am stuck with these emotions forever.

Chewey

 

[Guest]

No advice, just that I'm sorry for your pain.

 

[calypso_21]

You are totally allowed to feel as you do. Love her as much as you want but don't hold on to any illusions. It will only hurt you more in the end. Give your love and attention to your children...I can feel how much love you have within you. First for opening up as you have and just because I can. They need you and they need positive emotions from you.

I know where of I speak...a child of two divorces and I too am going through a divorce...with children too.

You will always love her. It is time to move on. It is cliche to say but you will. It is a fact. Come to the point where you can accept this and incorporate it into who you are and will become and you will be better for it.

I'm around if you need an ear to vent to. I'm very good at listening and not judging.

 

[chewbacca71]

No advice, just that I'm sorry for your pain.

That is just as appreciated. Sometimes just knowing that people can feel your pain and understand your feelings is important.

Chewey

 

[chewbacca71]

You are totally allowed to feel as you do. Love her as much as you want but don't hold on to any illusions. It will only hurt you more in the end. Give your love and attention to your children...I can feel how much love you have within you. First for opening up as you have and just because I can. They need you and they need positive emotions from you.

I know where of I speak...a child of two divorces and I too am going through a divorce...with children too.

You will always love her. It is time to move on. It is cliche to say but you will. It is a fact. Come to the point where you can accept this and incorporate it into who you are and will become and you will be better for it.

I'm around if you need an ear to vent to. I'm very good at listening and not judging.

I am doing my best to project a positive attitude with the kids. It is tougher than I thought it would be. But I am taking it day by day.

Chewey

 

[chewbacca71]

To those of you that I did not respond to directly, I am sorry, but I did not want to look like I was promoting my thread. I appreciate all the heartfelt responses so far. It is time to go to work, if anyone has anything else to add, maybe poems or such to help ease me through this it will be appreciated. Looking at Cal's post, there are others going through this too. Thank you

Chewey

 

[lilrosie lips]

Chewey I am sorry to hear that your going through this. I have been through the same thing, except I didn't have the 3 beautiful children to share my love with; in fact the rat bastard insisted on taking our dog with him.

I know that your hurting. It's okay to let yourself hurt. And to cry and to be angry and to feel hopeless and wishful. It's all a part of getting thru it. Some days you will feel great, then other days you will feel like the whole earth and sky everything in it are against you. But at some point in time the good days will start to outnumber the bad ones, and things will start to feel hopeful once again.

Write it down, talk to friends and family, seek counseling or a support group. Seek me out if you want. I am always glad to listen. And I will tell you that I do believe love is possible again, never in the exact same way, for you never experience anything twice. But a new love is possible, and even a happier one.

Hugs

Lilrosie Lips

 

[brisbon]

Sorry chewbacca.

I've gone through much the same experience, I did not come away from it with any advice I could relate that would be helpful, I's one of those things in life that is so personally felt that others cannot fix it for you.

All I can say is lean on friends or family as much as they allow, also there are various forms of help groups out there nowadays, people going through the same experience as you.

 

[Cara_f_32]

I love him but he acts like an asshole.

You can't control how they behave but you have the control of how you behave. It is okay to be in love just let every bit of love you feel for her spill onto everyone around you. It will make you a stronger person.

(i hope - cuz that is what i try to do)

 

[greeneyes1]

Sorry Chewbacca,
Don't you wish we all had a switch we could throw to stop love?


Too bad we don't cause love sucks sometimes.

I have a friend thinking about seperation, but that damn four letter word, (LOVE) is holding her back. Let me know if you find the answer so I can relay it to her.........

 

[cherrylips_au]

It took time to fall in love with her and it will take time until you can let go enough to put those feelings aside.
I'm not saying you will stop loving her but you will learn how to manage those feelings.
Don't put pressure on yourself, just take each day as it comes.
Your grieving for the relationship, all the dreams you had together, your family, and all the good times you had in the past.
Be kind to yourself, don't try to rush the feelings your experiencing just accept them and try to work through them.
Know your not alone, others have gone before you and others will follow unfortunately.
Take care.

 

[Devilish1]

I know how you feel

Chewy,
I know excactly how you feel. I have been madly in love with a man for a year, thinking we was going to be together, I was able to see my future with him, raising our children together( all 5 total between us). Even some day maybe even having a child with him.
But that came to a bitter halt one night.
I found out the bitter truth about him and ive been heartbroken every since.
Someone said in a eariler post that love is not a switch.
I to wished it was. If it was as easy as a on/off light switch i would be able to turn the switch off right now but i cant.
He was the first man since i divorced that i felt i could trust with all of my heart and soul. I was willing to give up alot of things to be with him, move away from my parents who im very close too.
I havent felt this much love for anyone in a very long time.
Probably since i did when i was dating my ex-husband 14 yrs ago.

But life does go on. You have children that will need you even if your not with their mom anymore. Put all of your anger, pain into being the best parent you can ever be to your children.
The only advise i can give you is take one day at a time and dont rush things.
Some day you will be able to look at her and smile because of all of the great times you had with her when you was married. You will be able to get over the pain she has caused you.
As time goes by the pain will be less and less.
Yes, you will always love her, you was married to her for 9 yrs.
You cant stop loving someone after being with them for that long.

Even though the man i was truely inlove with broke my heart, i know hes not the man i fell in love with, i cant help but to still be in love with him. But i know that i cant be with him (my choice) and im trying to move on.

Write your feelings out, keep a journal and when your having a bad day with your feelings for her, write them down. When your having a good day about your feelings, write them down.
Eventually, you will be writting less about your pain and will be writting more about your courage and you happiness.

Good Lucky Chewy, PM me if you ever need to talk.