EmilyMiller
Perv of the Impverse
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2022
- Posts
- 14,344
Please disregard all of the, ‘there is worse to come,’ doomsayers. Your wife has opened up to you about something intensely personal, and then it’s gotten too much and she’s clammed shut.
She’s not betrayed you. She’s probably been trying to spare your feelings. Maybe it wasn’t the most healthy thing to do, but we all have things we struggle to talk about. We all make poor decisions sometimes.
Don’t feel that this is something you can fix with better technique. Outside of porn, orgasms are not about technique, or size, or anything like that.
I do think that talking more - however difficult - will be part of the solution. There could be some underlying issue with her, or between the two of you, or something else. Couple’s counselling sounds like it might be a good idea if you can both agree.
So treat this as serious, and something to be addressed, but not necessarily as a cancer at the heart of the marriage. There could be many other things going on.
Whatever you do, don’t think you can fix this with delay creams or extra cunnilingus. It sounds like an emotional issue not a physical one. It’s a very male thing to think, ‘If I do X then problem Y goes away.’ I don’t think it sounds like that is going to work.
We’re not slot machines. You don’t insert a quarter and get an orgasm. Try to work with her on how she feels and what might be problematic for her. Tell her you love her and have no expectations beyond just talking. Tell her she is safe and you care about her.
Good luck!
She’s not betrayed you. She’s probably been trying to spare your feelings. Maybe it wasn’t the most healthy thing to do, but we all have things we struggle to talk about. We all make poor decisions sometimes.
Don’t feel that this is something you can fix with better technique. Outside of porn, orgasms are not about technique, or size, or anything like that.
I do think that talking more - however difficult - will be part of the solution. There could be some underlying issue with her, or between the two of you, or something else. Couple’s counselling sounds like it might be a good idea if you can both agree.
So treat this as serious, and something to be addressed, but not necessarily as a cancer at the heart of the marriage. There could be many other things going on.
Whatever you do, don’t think you can fix this with delay creams or extra cunnilingus. It sounds like an emotional issue not a physical one. It’s a very male thing to think, ‘If I do X then problem Y goes away.’ I don’t think it sounds like that is going to work.
We’re not slot machines. You don’t insert a quarter and get an orgasm. Try to work with her on how she feels and what might be problematic for her. Tell her you love her and have no expectations beyond just talking. Tell her she is safe and you care about her.
Good luck!
