How to make her try another . . .

[married4willing]

My wife had an uptight upbringing and although she has an attractive body (36c and nice curvy ass) and face, the most she did with one other guy before marriage was oral. It has been only us for the last 14 years and I see some diminishing excitement: she does not moan as before and is not imaginative for new positions or activities, despite my efforts and initiatives. Thus I think one try with another guy may make her feel sexy and desired and bring back the spice. I hope I could present her at least two options of fit guys that can last long and bring her to pleasure. so she can choose the one.
I would appreciate recommendations on how to convince her and on how to get candidates with the required characteristics. Thanks

 

[DarkPleasures]

Here you are!

 

[stigs]

It sounds like you love your wife which is great and you have the best of intentions but I'm curious. Have you tried talking to her to see if there's something on her mind? Maybe she's thinking of something else and isn't focusing on the sex. Or maybe she's got something she wants to try but her "uptight upbringing" makes it difficult for her to voice her desires? Maybe it's not the sex but rather something else that's got her preoccupied.

 

[Eilan]

You can't "make" or "convince" her to be with another guy, and it has to be her fantasy, not yours.

It seems to me that if you feel that your relationship is lacking "spice" that there are things you can try first (like, um, communication?) that don't involve opening up the relationship--and I say this as someone who has participated in MFMs with my husband.

 

[SweetErika]

Especially if she's somewhat conservative, what makes you logically think she'll be receptive to, "Here are two random dudes who can last long that I chose for you. Have sex with one of them," AT ALL?

I mean, even most open-minded women wouldn't be cool with that scenario. I'd find it downright offensive because it totally ignores how I work as an individual, a woman and a wife. Any extramarital exploration needs to occur after extensive communication, and anyone I have sex with needs to be my choice, someone I have great chemistry with on multiple levels, etc. If my husband were to lobby for certain men because of their cocks, stamina or physiques, I'd be horrified because those things are not priorities for me at all.

IOW, you're ass backwards and putting the cart WAY before the horse on this one. You want to spice up your sex life? Invite your wife to look through The Blank Manual sticky here in How To, books, etc., for ideas that appeal to her. After so long together, you really should be able to tell her you feel you two are in a sexual rut and invite her to work on getting out of it as a couple in a kind way as well, IMO. Your relationship--rather than having your wife start a relationship with another man--is what you need to focus on. If you don't, you can bet it's going to end very badly, and your fantasy will turn into a nightmare.

 

[Noor]

what else is going on in your wife's life?

A job, a few kids?

maybe you need a house cleaner? I saw a woman go absolutely to mush when her husband told her he was getting a cleaning service.

 

[PhilGarlic]

this sounds

This post says more about you then your wife, maybe you need to up your game to get a better response from your wife. In my experience what goes on outside the bedroom effects what happens inside the bedroom.

 

[Goey]

The very idea that your solution to this is "More penis" makes me laugh...

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Definitely echo the advice to talk to her and try to understand her side of the problem. Although I admit it might be hilarious were you just to turn up with another guy one night and let things roll....

 

[lynn-23]

I agree with most of the comments here. You need to try to talk to her about this first. See if there is something wrong, or something she needs. Then see if you can get her to open up about some things she might like to try. Perhaps you could try a small vibrator for her as well. or maybe plan a little trip. Just getting out of the bedroom and routine can sometimes help. And who doesn't like hotel sex?

 

[JasonDaniel]

Why not just have an open and honest conversation with her and see what's on her mind. I'm sure after 14 years of marriage, the two of you do know how to have a open and honest conversation. You will learn more about your wife's secret desires, and her concerns, from her than from us. After 14 years, she's not going to turn against just because you ask some questions.

 

[NippleMuncher]

The very idea that your solution to this is "More penis" makes me laugh...

Hey, if you can't reach the fire, you gotta call for more hose!

To the OP, ditto what everyone else has already said.

 

[subwannabe]

Wow, married for fourteen years and this is the best solution you can come up with? I think I can tell what your problem is. You simply have no clue. I'm having a hard time believing this isn't just a troll post trying to work us all up into a frenzy. Certainly if this was a real post you would have more brains than what you present.

 

[TeaforMe]

Hey, if you can't reach the fire, you gotta call for more hose!

To the OP, ditto what everyone else has already said.

What happens if she finds out she just loves being with the new hose, and the old hose was the problem all along?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Do you really think you're going to get her to go with another guy? You're more likely to pull a boulder out of a hummingbird's ass. Unless this is her thing, not gonna happen.

What happens if she finds out she just loves being with the new hose, and the old hose was the problem all along?

Well said!

 

[amofiga]

It's usually not a good idea to decide what's good for somebody else. I don't like people deciding what's good for me. I would assume others feel the same way. Your wife may be just who she is and what you think would "help" her is not in any way what she wants or needs. I think the first step is finding out what issues she has with your sex life and be careful, you may hear some things you might be surprised to hear and maybe don't want to hear. I've seen too many cases in many arena where people who think other people are the problem don't like finding out that they should look on the other foot for the shoe that fits.

 

[married4willing]

Thank you stigs for your good and honest advice.

 

[DarkPleasures]

He's the only one with good advice here? Wow.

 

[NomadLady]

I was married for 14 years and if my husband would have gotten a maid, (even once a month) paid more attention to ME rather than his job, and just asked me how my day went ONE TIME, I would have perked up in the bedroom!!!!

Thinking another cock in the mix would help isn't the way to get to the bottom of the problem though.

 

[mediocre]

He's the only one with good advice here? Wow.

That's what I was thinking. Everyone offered good advice, it just wasn't what the OP wanted to hear.

 

[aluv]

after 14 years you should know your wife by now and how she will respond to things. the best you can do is ask questions and then really listen to her answers and if there is anything between the lines of her answers you have to make a decision whether it is old school up bringing or not. watch some porn together and get some sex toys for her, make things happen between the two of you first and listen to what she has to say and listen even closer to what her body has to say. you must exert as much of your effort first before you bring someone else in.

 

[DarkPleasures]

...it just wasn't what the OP wanted to hear.

That's why he posted this in the Fetish board! Luckily the mod moved it to the appropriate board.

 

[LadyVer]

Lots of good advice on here. I was married 9 years. The last year was no sex, and it wasn't for my lack of trying. One thing I didn't offer my ex and would never have offered him as a solution was another woman. I mean if he couldn't handle the one woman he had, why would I think he could handle someone else? just saying.

 

[EuphoricDysphoria]

Is she approaching the menopause? If so expect significant changes in her libido and encourage her to see a GP to have her hormone levels checked with a blood test.

 

[TeaforMe]

That's what I was thinking. Everyone offered good advice, it just wasn't what the OP wanted to hear.

Actually, I don't think he wanted advice at all, but rather someone to egg him on into doing this.