How to Make Friends and Influence People

[lilminx]

1. Make farting sounds with your mouth whenever someone bends over to pick something up.

 

[Wiggles]

Shower once a month, whether you need it or not.

 

[lilminx]

When out at a bar, tell the nastiest-looking guy thre that your friend wants to take him home.

 

[Shaq]

Offer to testify on their behalf no questions asked if shit gets roughed...

 

[lilminx]

When sitting behind two people at the movies, take their heads and smack them together just for fun.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Stare at them and rub your nipple (this works best guy to guy)

 

[naudiz]

When you're in an elevator, if there's only one person there, stand really close and smile. Don't blink if you can help it. Standing with your back to the door? Bonus points.

 

[lilminx]

Good one, Naudiz.


When walking behind someone, step on the backs of their shoes.

 

[Private Vasquez]

Throw pennies at the feet of the person walking in front of you so they stop to see if they dropped any change.

 

[Wiggles]

Bring your twin infants to the theatre. Refuse to leave when they begin wailing.

 

[Sillyman]

Repeatedly do spit takes in restaurants for no apparent reason.

 

[naudiz]

When someone is speaking to you, stare intently just over their left shoulder. When they start to get edgy, pretend nothing is wrong.

 

[lilminx]

When dining out, use your straw wrapper to make spitballs. Spit them at the waiters' backs when they walk by.

 

[lilminx]

When talking to someone stand really, really close to them. If they move away, move closer and put your hand on thier arm.

 

[teddybear4play]

Pick a person, and after everything they say, even if it's obviously true, say, "Oh, now that's just bullshit!"

TB4p

 

[Shaq]

Blow your breath in your friends face every 10 minutes and tell them you're doing it to make sure it's still fresh..

 

[lilminx]

When walking on the sidewalk with some people, make sure you walk really slow and take up the entire walkway so no one behind you can get by.


If walking alone, walk in a zig-zag manner to prevent people from getting by.

 

[lilminx]

While driving, use the opposite blinker of the turn you are making.

 

[naudiz]

When someone is talking to you, consult your watch every few seconds. If you're not wearing a watch, consult your wrist.

 

[Private Vasquez]

when someone is talking to you, stand close, but yell as if you're standing not-so-close.

 

[teddybear4play]

If you're in a public place and need to use the restroom, go, and then when you come out announce that you masturbated. Tell details.

TB4p

 

[Wysteria]

Laugh like Beavis or Butthead everytime someone says =any= word that could =possibly= be construed as risque in =any= context.

Like "Beavis". Heh, hehheh, heh.

 

[lilminx]

Whenever you're addressing anyone in a conversation, point your finger right in their face.

 

[christophe]

show them your collection of magic nose gobblins

 

[Wysteria]

Speak only to people's nipples. Male or female. Bend down if necessary.