How to let go? Please help!

[strgzr1230]

While reading the Lit boards I have found the people here to be intelligent and sensitive to the feelings and needs of others. Now I need your help! How do you let go of someone you love that doesn't love you back?
For the other person this is mostly a friends with benefits kind of thing,(sex is great) albeit we are very good friends. However, For me the cost of being just friends has become too great and I feel in order to move on in any direction in my life, I must quit hoping for something that is probably just not going to happen.
A little background.... We have been seing each other for four years, Talk on the phone 5-6 times a day( He travels all over the country) And in four years we have never ran out of things to talk about.
He is I feel, My best friend. But I can't even think of persuing a romantic relationship with anyone else while I am all wrapped up in him. Am I being selfish with the all or nothing attitude? Or is it time to fish or cut bait so to speak? Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

 

[pplwatching]

Hi,

If you're in love with this man, then you're beyond fish or cut bait. Out of those four years, how many would you say you've been in love with him? Your feelings for him have become a liability in your friendship, but the intimacy of sex is only reinforcing those feelings.

You've asked two questions rolled up into one. It sounds like it's safe to assume that you've talked with him about your feelings, but if you haven't then you probably should. What you've written says that you already know that it's time to move on. You want more and he doesn't. You can't give him an ultimatum, you can only decide what's right for you, get your emotional house in order, and begin looking for the kind of relationship that you want. The only way to do that is to break off your relationship with this man.

You're beyond any hope of remaining close friends if you can't get your feelings untangled. Just taking away the sex isn't going to take away the feelings. You're going to have to tell him that it's time for you to move on. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Give yourself some time to heal and then go find yourself a relationship that makes your dreams come true.

Good luck

 

[Bobmi357]

This is unfortunately, one of the more common side effects of "friends with benefits". Invariably one person starts having feelings which are not reciprocated by the other.

My suggestion would be that the next time he's around, AND before sex comes into the picture, sit him down and really talk to him. Its time to tell him how you feel and find out for sure how he feels about you.

Can you still remain friends? I kinda doubt it, but you never know. The sad fact is you need to get this out in the open so it can be resolved. Then you can move on with your life, either together or by yourself, but move on nonetheless.

 

[strgzr1230]

Thank You for the advice..... Food for thought. Sometimes you know what you need to do but are scared to do it. Need to hear it from a third party I guess. Thanks again.... As usual, You all are great!

 

[mattenno]

how old are you? not that it matters too much, but i am wondering...?

 

[strgzr1230]

I'm 33

 

[mattenno]

hope everything works out for you