How to know?

[Chaotickay92]

All my sexual thoughts are consumed with women but I’m married to a man and definitely enjoy our sex. How can I explore these feelings with the likelihood of never being able to be with a woman? Looking for advice or just support with these feelings that I’ve never shared before

 

[photobuff56]

It sounds like you're saying your a closeted gay woman am I right?
You could do what guys do who are curious about male sex and try and find a partner or keep your feelings surpresed. Maybe your Bi and are just now finding out. It's a tough call in these situations especially when your married, maybe your husband would go for a threesome.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

It sounds like you're saying your a closeted gay woman am I right?
You could do what guys do who are curious about male sex and try and find a partner or keep your feelings surpresed. Maybe your Bi and are just now finding out. It's a tough call in these situations especially when your married, maybe your husband would go for a threesome.

Yeah, maybe he would --, on the other hand WHEN he finds out that the only reason you wanted a threesome was to confirm you want sex with a woman. Then he looks at your initial request as a subtle or otherwise devious way to usurp his position in the relationship; he will not only not trust you ever again, you WILL have gotten rid of him for good.

:and yes.., I have seen it happen in RL with my youngest daughter:

 

[Subguy59]

All my sexual thoughts are consumed with women but I’m married to a man and definitely enjoy our sex. How can I explore these feelings with the likelihood of never being able to be with a woman? Looking for advice or just support with these feelings that I’ve never shared before

Well I can tell you that you’re thoughts will only become more pronounced as time goes by. Find a way to hint a little bit at a time. Find someone to talk to about this. Don’t live unhappy.

Like I have room to talk. Good luck

 

[tonyreid]

tell him

Tell your husband how you feel , he might just like the idea and if not he should at least respect your honesty good luck x

 

[Dawn28585]

I don’t really have advice but wanted to share that I have a similar situation. I am married to a man and love him and also love sex with him. My goto for adult films are always girl on girl. When I masturbate it is always a female I fantasize about that gets me going. I find myself wishing I had experimented before I settled down.

 

[PleasePeesMe]

You don't

have to spend long on Lit to find you're by no means alone. Men and women are in the same boat. I was 66 before I found out what it was like to suck a cock. But I'm glad I did, even at that late stage. All I'll say to you and to the OP is, don't die wondering.

 

[roc23]

I’ve been with my share of bi girls. They weren’t up front at first,but after awhile they realized they could be open and honest with me and I wouldn’t freak out.The weird thing is is that they had never been with a girl before. But after a little encouragement from me,two girls took the plunge. Watching lesbian porn also helped.

Are you afraid your husband would freak out,feel inadequate? Is he insecure?
Maybe if you two watched lesbian porn together and dropped some hints that you that it turns you on.

 

[njlauren]

What you are dealing with is not uncommon, people finding that their base sexuality may not be what it is and it isn't black and white, the world of I am straight/gay/bi is not always so clear. For example, when you say you enjoy sex with your husband, are you sexually attracted to him, get turned on when having sex with him about being with him..or do you routinely fantasize about having sex with a woman while doing that? (I ask that as a hypothetical question, I am not saying that is what you are doing). People often assume being bi means someone can have sex with either men or women, but I can tell you that very gay men and very gay women can have sex together, even though they otherwise are not attracted to the opposite sex.

It could be underneath it all you are bi and simply are curious about having sex with women, where you very much still are attracted to your husband and love him and love sex with him but are having a very strong reaction to having sex as a woman, it could also be you are a gay woman who loves her husband for a variety of reasons but is finding out that sexually they are attracted to women. When I asked the question about whether you fantasize all the time about having sex with a woman while you are having sex with a man, that might indicate it is more than just the sex (and note might, I am not a professional nor do I claim anything other than this is a possibility).

Given you are married you are dealing with a minefield and you need to be sure. Me, I would suggest you talk to a professional, one trained in human sexuality and I would recommend, someone who also is experienced with helping LGBT people in case you figure out you really are gay rather than bi and curious. I can guarantee you that sex therapists have run into this. They will help you figure out what you are and need.


Just speaking for myself, with all the talk of guys and fantasies of two women or seeing their wife with another woman, a lot of that in reality is perilous when it comes to actually happening. There is a lot of fear there when it is another woman, afraid that they can't compete, afraid that emotionally the wife is going to choose a woman over him (it isn't all that much different when a spouse cheats, the same gender/sex is simply another layer of feeling like 'how can I compete with that').

Me I would advise not talking to your husband about it, keep it fantasy, or doing anything about it other than fantasy until you have talked to someone and figured out what you need/want and they can help you figure out what you need to do.

If you decide you are bi and just want to have sex with women, a counselor can help you figure out how to be able to do that in context of a marriage, and that is going to depend on your husband, how he might feel. Some men, maybe with marital counseling, would be okay with you having sex with women as long as it was just that, though again a lot of men would be afraid of you getting emotionally attached. Others could well have the idea that there is no sex outside your marriage and that is that, someone like that may mean if you want to stay married you keep it a fantasy. You could also seek out female partners to hook up with and are able to handle that but my take on this is in most cases I have seen it affects the marriage, that keeping it a secret, guilt, etc can make it difficult.

Again, it is usually complicated and I would recommend working with someone to figure out what you need and how to move going forward, how to deal with it.It isn't all that much different with people who get married and discover they are gay or transgendered people who start finding out who they are, it is complicated when you are in a relationship and it comes down to what you need and what you are able/willing to do