How to kill to one's wife and not really murder her

radepor

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1. Insure you've married a woman who thinks you walk on water. The fact you may have become bored is immaterial.

2. Over several years, dull her sense of risk by taking enormous risks with your own life and slowly draw her into more risky adventures.

3. Take her out into the middle of Lake Erie (even tho she doesn't swim and she's terrified of water), in the middle of a severe thunderstorm, shut off the motor and see what happens to a 24' boat in 6'-9' waves.

4. Give up when she survives all attempts at murder and go for a bike ride. After having ridden/raced motorcycles (road and dirt) for 30 years take her for a bicycle ride. Start coasting down a 200' hill; at the top, tell her to watch her hat ( in a 15 mph wind). At the bottom, turn to find she's crashed midway down. Discover, from occupants of a passing vehicle, that she started down the hill, the wind caught her hat and she instinctively took her right hand off her bicycle handlebar and reached up to catch her hat, lost control and crashed (due to steepness, over about 40 yards).

5. After hospital drilling of her skull to relieve pressure after the bicycle "accident", and after 5 weeks of respiratror-induced, drug-resistant, pneumonia -- watch her die.

6. The method for murdering one's wife is simple; but be careful what you wish for; you might get it. You might not have sex for eight years - and counting.

7. Did I mention she was into "fistiing" (not her, me) back when there was no word for fisting. Or she was absolutely fearless, in whatever she did. What made her more remarkable is she was not "stunt-woman" capable; she was just above average physically but she knew how to take advantage of her capability. I'm ashamed for saying this out loud but I'm going to take credit for (some of) her transformation. Both her family and her former husband (deceased) took advantage of her; she benefited from association with me (e.g. door-to-door salesmen knocked on our door, but almost tripped over themselves trying to get away. Later, I was in awe at her handling of intrusive phone solicitations.

8. She was a religious girl; at one point I thought I'd ruined her because she had become so involved and adept at (some rather dubious) sexual adventures. However, they were with me ( and I'm up for anything) so when I discovered she hadn't lost her religious commitment, I relaxed (funny; I have no religious commitment and I've never worried me.)

If I've lost you, there a song lyric that sums up this thread "...you don't know what you've lost till it's gone....".
 
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i take it youre drunk and sad? :(
 
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Hmmmm kill without murder?
Induce a coma in your target and when you realize your err you can always bring that person back.:devil:
 
Why, why, WHY did I open this thread? WHY?

I swear curiosity will get me one of these days.
 
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1. Insure you've married a woman who thinks you walk on water. The fact you may have become bored is immaterial.

2. Over several years, dull her sense of risk by taking enormous risks with your own life and slowly draw her into more risky adventures.

3. Take her out into the middle of Lake Erie (even tho she doesn't swim and she's terrified of water), in the middle of a severe thunderstorm, shut off the motor and see what happens to a 24' boat in 6'-9' waves.

4. Give up when she survives all attempts at murder and go for a bike ride. After having ridden/raced motorcycles (road and dirt) for 30 years take her for a bicycle ride. Start coasting down a 200' hill; at the top, tell her to watch her hat ( in a 15 mph wind). At the bottom, turn to find she's crashed midway down. Discover, from occupants of a passing vehicle, that she started down the hill, the wind caught her hat and she instinctively took her right hand off her bicycle handlebar and reached up to catch her hat, lost control and crashed (due to steepness, over about 40 yards).

5. After hospital drilling of her skull to relieve pressure after the bicycle "accident", and after 5 weeks of respiratror-induced, drug-resistant, pneumonia -- watch her die.

6. The method for murdering one's wife is simple; but be careful what you wish for; you might get it. You might not have sex for eight years - and counting.

7. Did I mention she was into "fistiing" (not her, me) back when there was no word for fisting. Or she was absolutely fearless, in whatever she did. What made her more remarkable is she was not "stunt-woman" capable; she was just above average physically but she knew how to take advantage of her capability. I'm ashamed for saying this out loud but I'm going to take credit for (some of) her transformation. Both her family and her former husband (deceased) took advantage of her; she benefited from association with me (e.g. door-to-door salesmen knocked on our door, but almost tripped over themselves trying to get away. Later, I was in awe at her handling of intrusive phone solicitations.

8. She was a religious girl; at one point I thought I'd ruined her because she had become so involved and adept at (some rather dubious) sexual adventures. However, they were with me ( and I'm up for anything) so when I discovered she hadn't lost her religious commitment, I relaxed (funny; I have no religious commitment and I've never worried me.)

If I've lost you, there a song lyric that sums up this thread "...you don't know what you've lost till it's gone....".

QFP. Wow.
 
When you wake up and get back to this board-

Wait, let's start over.

Wake up, if you are hung over, take 2 Tylonol, drink a glass of water, read this, and do what i tell you.

Go open the phone book, find a good expensive Psychiatrist, and go see him/her. Today.

The rest, I leave up to you.
 
When you wake up and get back to this board-

Wait, let's start over.

Wake up, if you are hung over, take 2 Tylonol, drink a glass of water, read this, and do what i tell you.

Go open the phone book, find a good expensive Psychiatrist, and go see him/her. Today.

The rest, I leave up to you.

Huh. I didn't figure on this being a drunk post. I figured troll. But then I see trolls everywhere. :eek:
 
I was thinking this was more of a Xanax-and-painkiller haze post.

I looked at this thread, regretfully out of my own curiosity.

This doesnt sound like the ramblings of alcohol to me either.
Ill vote Xanax and painkillers or maybe even Xanax and booze.
 
I looked at this thread, regretfully out of my own curiosity.

This doesnt sound like the ramblings of alcohol to me either.
Ill vote Xanax and painkillers or maybe even Xanax and booze.

Must be an awfully heavy addiction. All of its threads are...strange, to be kind.
 
Must be an awfully heavy addiction. All of its threads are...strange, to be kind.

Yes indeed. Although he did mention that he was a widower in the post he made after this one, so at least he is consistent.

This, however, is...not.
 
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