How to keep the CONDOM ON!

[leatherleaf]

Frustration sets in when my partner and I are well on our way to a wonderful orgasm. I love feeling him come in me. However this has not happened for 3 and a half years because I can't use hormonal birth control (health issues). So condoms it is.

I'm not saying to do anything - just giving you some science here.

I read that 95% of women ovulate between the 8th and 20th day of a cycle.

My wife doesn't know a thing about her cycle at all. She knows when there's pain and blood and that's it. Luckily I am OCD and keep records. LOL We are in general infertile so take that with a grain of salt.

We've used them in the past (with no success) partially because either A)he becomes non aroused almost immediately putting condom on. or B) the damn thing slides off inside of me.

From personal experience I can tell you that A and B are probably the same problem or at least interrelated to a degree. What people don't tell young men about condoms are that they are cold and wet. Nothing that feels good to a penis is cold and wet.

Most people assume he is small or buying condoms way too large. When you lose erection it doesn't matter how large you are. You will lose the condom.

Three pieces of advice.

1. When the foreplay starts - lay on the condom. This will warm it and encourage him to work on you to get to it. LOL

2. Don't bring up size. Make sure he's not buying XL Magnums and leave it alone. Talk about killing a boner. "Hey some people online say you might have a tiny penis". LOL

3. Learn how and put it on him yourself. Before that make sure you are all handsy with it.

My two cents.

 

[ShrimpFriedRice]

Hey, just thought you might want to look at these. They're a little pricey, but it might be an option:

CORIPA CUSTOM FIT CONDOMS

You print a measuring tool, you measure, you get a letter and a number indicating length and girth, and you order a condom that is actually custom-fitted. I can't say much about them other than I have considered ordering them due to condoms actually being too tight (not trying to brag, it's annoying as fuck). Hope you get it all figured out!

 

[Primalex]

From personal experience I can tell you that A and B are probably the same problem or at least interrelated to a degree. What people don't tell young men about condoms are that they are cold and wet. Nothing that feels good to a penis is cold and wet.

Most people assume he is small or buying condoms way too large. When you lose erection it doesn't matter how large you are. You will lose the condom.

Three pieces of advice.

3. Learn how and put it on him yourself. Before that make sure you are all handy with it.

Quoted for truth.

It's a mental issue. Hates condoms because he loses erection because he hates condoms.

But the worst thing is, you are getting into a downward spiral. Less sex - more masturbation - less sensitivity, even faster loss of erection if handled differently than perfect masturbation - more frustration, more masturbation.

Convince him to keep his hands from his dick and not use porn websites for a week before your next attempt.

 

[PinkPeep]

I will be talking more to my partner about a vasectomy. That would make life easy. and yes, there are a small percentage of men who have gotten the big v, who've had serious side effects (swelling, and low output of urine.) These side effects loom large in my Hubby's mind.

I am also going to look into the diaphragm. (no insurance right now! F!) My health issues include allergies to lots of medications including metal (narrowed to nickel because I can wear pure gold), skin sensitivities, and really fucked up hormones. And I can't take any hormones because severe risk of stroke and bloodclots. Dep shot almost proved fatal after getting cysts on ovaries that were the size of golf balls.

So for the last 7 years we've been going Au naturel and using the pullout method.

The one time that we came together, We now have a wonderful daughter together.

We've decided that we don't want anymore kids. so...the fight continues. (not a fight really) it's just that I don't feel comfortable having (vaginal) sex, because of that risk. Giving Blow jobs are fun! boob sex is fun. oral sex (recieving) is great. But the one thing that gets me there, is having him come in me. So basically, I don't orgasm, unless he comes in me. Weird right?

Hence a damn condom, that doesn't stay on where it's supposed to, Gets lost in me, no orgasm, plus a whole load of cum in me and the fact that we could be making a baby. (yeah I get that's a side effect of sex) Not that we wouldn't love and care for another child...It's just that would be alot more stress for our current situation.

He's never liked condoms. He could have a raging erection from what we're doing. and then as soon as the condom goes on, he goes flaccid. *FRUSTRATION*

So I avoid sex. I don't want to have anything to do with it at times.(Part of that is the hormones) But that doesn't mean I don't love him. I just am having a hard time connecting with him that way. There have been times when we have sex maybe once or twice a month. and that's not fair to either of us, since we used to have sex four or more times a week.

 

[Hypoxia]

I will be talking more to my partner about a vasectomy. That would make life easy. and yes, there are a small percentage of men who have gotten the big v, who've had serious side effects (swelling, and low output of urine.) These side effects loom large in my Hubby's mind.

Side effects should indeed loom in his mind, but not loom large. The percentages are very low. Interventions are possible.

So I avoid sex. I don't want to have anything to do with it at times.(Part of that is the hormones) But that doesn't mean I don't love him. I just am having a hard time connecting with him that way. There have been times when we have sex maybe once or twice a month. and that's not fair to either of us, since we used to have sex four or more times a week.

This is indeed tragic, and I'm sorry that I can't advise you here, other than to recommend you try all sexual interactions except genital-genital.

 

[bailadora]

Have you checked into fertility awareness methods? Did you know that, in general, the chances of you getting pregnant fall within about 7 consecutive days of your cycle? When BCP's were no longer an option for me, I used the information in Toni Weschler's Taking Charge of Your Fertility to avoid pregnancy for about three years. And when I knew I wanted another child, we were able to use the same information to optimize our chances. In fact, I learned so much more about my body that was never covered elsewhere, that I think it ought to be required reading for all women. The information is that useful! It even pointed out what I thought were completely unrelated symptoms, which lead me to seek medical care for what turned out to be undiagnosed hypothyroidism!

Learning to track your temps, decipher your cervical fluid and cervical position takes a little bit of time, but it can definitely be worth the effort if your husband is yet unsure regarding a vasectomy, and condoms are a complete hassle. Once you get the hang of it, you'd only have to worry about them for roughly a week, as opposed to the rest of the cycle. Might be something worth investigating.

 

[Missingout]

Nowadays it's nothing for a man to get a vasectomy.
I was never a fan of condoms because I'm really short on length & girth.
I remember when I bought the smallest I could find and it was still big.

Maybe add some role play into it where the talk of a condom might turn him on.

 

[PinkPeep]

Have you checked into fertility awareness methods? Did you know that, in general, the chances of you getting pregnant fall within about 7 consecutive days of your cycle? When BCP's were no longer an option for me, I used the information in Toni Weschler's Taking Charge of Your Fertility to avoid pregnancy for about three years. And when I knew I wanted another child, we were able to use the same information to optimize our chances. In fact, I learned so much more about my body that was never covered elsewhere, that I think it ought to be required reading for all women. The information is that useful! It even pointed out what I thought were completely unrelated symptoms, which lead me to seek medical care for what turned out to be undiagnosed hypothyroidism!

Learning to track your temps, decipher your cervical fluid and cervical position takes a little bit of time, but it can definitely be worth the effort if your husband is yet unsure regarding a vasectomy, and condoms are a complete hassle. Once you get the hang of it, you'd only have to worry about them for roughly a week, as opposed to the rest of the cycle. Might be something worth investigating.

I will definitely look into this!

 

[SweetErika]

I will definitely look into this!

Please do. Like Baila said, it's a great book full of info everyone should learn.

HOWEVER, it's not a good method if you're unwilling to get pregnant. Even with all of my hormonal and fertility issues, I got pregnant using the method while we were trying to avoid pregnancy. I still have no idea how that happened; that one cycle must have been wacky enough to make me ovulate when I should have been getting my period, even though my cycles had been regular for quite sometime before we started using the method. Things like stress and illness can affect our cycles, but I didn't have either during that particular cycle, so the mystery remains. I miscarried that pregnancy, but after that we went back to condoms every single time until we were ready to try to conceive.

Has your husband tried only masturbating with a condom on? That's what the experts suggest when there's a condom-erection issue. It might be a good solution until he gets snipped. Maybe you should just lay it out for him: if he wants more sex/for you to not avoid sex, he needs to get the vasectomy. Until then, you two need to figure out how to keep the condoms on. I suspect that will be a matter of him acclimating to condoms via masturbation and finding condoms that fit well.

Oh, and Planned Parenthood and community health clinics usually offer sliding scale fees, and could hook you up with a diaphragm even if you don't have insurance. Do buy some spermicide and try it out before you go that route, however, because a lot of people have reactions to spermicide. It'd be a shame to be fitted and pay any amount for a diaphragm only to find you can't use it because you (or your hubby) react badly to spermicide.

 

[fire_breeze]

Please do. Like Baila said, it's a great book full of info everyone should learn.

HOWEVER, it's not a good method if you're unwilling to get pregnant. Even with all of my hormonal and fertility issues, I got pregnant using the method while we were trying to avoid pregnancy. I still have no idea how that happened; that one cycle must have been wacky enough to make me ovulate when I should have been getting my period, even though my cycles had been regular for quite sometime before we started using the method. Things like stress and illness can affect our cycles, but I didn't have either during that particular cycle, so the mystery remains. I miscarried that pregnancy, but after that we went back to condoms every single time until we were ready to try to conceive.

Unrelated, but when I had to undergo a battery of tests due to a wonky endocrine system which lead to weird hormonal levels, a fertility expert was onboard due to his interest in some of my symptoms. Anyway! He told me that a healthy woman who has regular periods can ovulate between day 7 and day 20 of her cycle. The whole thing of ovulating in the middle at exactly 14 days before your expected period is, in his words, 'bunk'. Furthermore, some men's sperm can survive for upto 7 days in the woman's body, some ova disintegrates 48-72 hours after its release (as opposed to 24), and some women are 'hyper-fertile' - they get pregnant very quickly, although they also miscarry more frequently. Also some women can have ovulation triggered by sperm rich semen. I got a huge education from this doctor .

FAM is wonderful, but the body, particularly a woman's reproductive system, is incredibly complex and is not an exact science. The only time it's 'safe' is a 2-3 days AFTER a confirmed ovulation for a few days, but even then it's no guarantee.

Back to your regular scheduled thread.