How to keep my sanity

[SXCRgirl]

This may be a long winded rant (since when is it not) - but you guys always ALWAYS give great advice, so here goes.

I'm always talking about how much I love my brother, my niece and my nephew. My brother and I are very close and I consider him my best friend. When he left for Iraq last year, I was really sad. I missed the one person that I could really talk to and of course, I was concerned for his safety.

Here's the twist. I'm also very good friends with his ex, the mother of his children. He is in a relationship right now with a girl that is quite young and immature. I'll get to her in a minute.

My brother and his ex were highschool sweethearts so to speak. They broke up two years ago, right after she found out she was pregnant. Now, timing isn't all that perfect I will have to admit, but that's the story. To this day, his ex isn't over him and plays these stupid games with him. His ex REFUSES to give him time with his children because she doesn't want the current girlfriend to be around her kids. Emotionally, I can understand this. But realistically, there's really not much she can do about it, is there?

My brother's current girlfriend is another kid. She fights tooth and nail to have my brother spend ALL and I mean ALL of his free time with her. When he's scheduled to spend time with his kids, she comes up with the weirdest problems for him to deal with. I remember when we were throwing his ex a co-ed baby shower, she called him with a sob story of how her cousin's best friend's sister's dog got run over and she's so broken up about it. I am NOT making this up! For the life of me, I do not understand why a smart, level headed young man falls for this kind of crap! My brother is good looking and can probably get any girl he wants and yet ... he settles for this. I don't know why.

Please bear in mind that I'm biased. I want nothing but the best for him. I don't necessarily want him to go back to his ex, because they had major problems there too, but it just seems like he's hooked on these girls that don't have anything going for them.

Now, we get to the crux of the problem. I am having difficulty being impartial to my brother and his ex. I love my brother and I want to be supportive. I want to be there for him. But I think my friendship with his ex is making it difficult for him. I am able to keep an objective air, but I almost always get stuck in the middle and I don't like that. I'd like to keep my relationship with my brother the way it's always been and keep my friendship with his ex.

How do I do that without losing my sanity? Any suggestions?

 

[Lynnezertorte]

I don't see how you can be supportive of a woman that would use her children in order to play games with your brother.

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

Bottom line.....the children, unless in physical/mental harm if the new girlfriend is around, should have nothing to do with the immature games of their parents. They should come first and if I were you I would have a long talk with both parents.

Children should never be used as pawns.

And as far as who your brother chooses to date......it's none of your business.

 

[Missingmeds]

Okay. so here is my $0.02 worth.

First of all, your brother has to be the one to put his foot down with the current girlfriend. HE has to be the one to tell her that he is going to spend time with his children. HE has to make that time and then make time for just him and the current girlfriend.

YOU need to tell both your brother and the ex that you refuse to be put in the middle and mean it. If they start about something that they are fighting or fussing about, then tell them straight out that you don't want to hear it. You want to be able to enjoy them both and the children and that is that.

As to the women that he dates, best leave that one alone. Tell him that you are concerned about him, but unless he asks, don't go into specifics. Let him now that you love him but pass that, you are fighting a losing battle.

Do be specific in with him in your concerns with his children. As far as what his ex can do about her children being around the current girlfriend, there is things that she can do legally. Here in Ohio, she can legally prevent her children from being around him if the current girlfriend is there and she has valid concerns about the situation. In other words, she can prevent him from seeing the children if the current girlfriend is there.

 

[SXCRgirl]

Thank you for your thoughts. I know my problem seems kinda stupid, but it really consumes me at times. I am around these people a lot and even though I try to avoid the conflict, I'm immersed in it whether I want to or not.

Lynnezertorte - You're right. I agree in the fact that the kids should be outside of the game playing. But, I don't know why these two people insist on playing these stupid games. I've tried to talk to them both about it, but to no avail.

Missingmeds - You make a lot of sense. I know that the ex does not want the current girlfriend around. It almost seems like a tug of war and the only losers are the kids.

As far as my brother's choice of dates, I realize that I can't affect that. I've told him that I'm concerned about him and he even realizes that his gf is playing these games, but apparently it's something that he can handle. Who knows? I'm not one to mess with chemistry.

Thank you very much for giving me something to think about.