How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

[Svenskaflicka]

I found this on another site, and figured I'd quote it to you all, for a good laugh. I think it goes right along with NaNo.

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

· At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

· Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

· Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

· Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

· Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

· In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favours".

· Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

· Don't use any punctuation marks.

· As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

· Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

· Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

· Sing along at the opera.

· Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

· Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

· Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

· Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

· When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

· When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

· Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

 

[raphy]

I found this on another site, and figured I'd quote it to you all, for a good laugh. I think it goes right along with NaNo.

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

· At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

I did this once. It's really funny. You should all try it.

 

[wildsweetone]

I found this on another site, and figured I'd quote it to you all, for a good laugh. I think it goes right along with NaNo.

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

· At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

· Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

· Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

· Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

· Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

· In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favours".

· Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

· Don't use any punctuation marks.

· As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

· Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

· Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

· Sing along at the opera.

· Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

· Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

· Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

· Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

· When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

· When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

· Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Hmm most of these things sound really sane to me.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Especialy the last one. My friend M spends a fortune on her kid. Clothes, toys, food... before that it was diapers and pacifiers... And the little brat does nothing to do his part of bringing in money to the household!

 

[Guest]

I like those!

Gonna go try some out.

Lou, skipping away...

 

[BlueDaisy]

Love those!

I read another of that kind of list where one of the suggestions was to, in an elevator with several other people, suddenly say something like "my feet are happy! I'm wearing new socks". I know a lady whose husband had read that, and actually did it! Don't think I'd be that brave!

 

[whispering_surrender]

*bites her tongue and scampers away*

Whisper

 

[Icingsugar]

I did this once: Don't shave fora week. (vor women, don't wash your hair - if you can stomach it, the key is to look shitty) Keep iced tea in a huge bottle of Tullamore's Dew on your desk top. Have a glass nearby and sip on it all day, look moody, and don't talk to anyone. If anyone asks if you're ok, give them a "Why yes, I'm super!"

Twas actually the most fun I had that year...

 

[MartinConteggio]

· Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

What's so crazy about that? Saves me a step, thus improving my productivity!

 

[ffreak]

HA! I love it. You actually do help get our sanity back in the clause(it).

Som tack får du en puss

-FF (don't tell hubby though - he sounds big)

 

[pop_54]

Hehe!!

Nice one dear, I shall take these on board and try a few of them.

My favourite at the moment much to the annoyance of the wife but amusement of our 12 yr old girl, is to make bird noises in the supermarket. Especially my mean impersonation of a pigeon, people walk into things looking up for the stray bird.

pops.......Already insane, but still willing to learn

 

[MathGirl]

· Sing along at the opera.

Dear Svenska,
That's half the fun. The other half is waving the big "We're No. 1" finger.
MG
Ps. Great list. Thanks

 

[damppanties]

more insanity

• Insist that your e mail address be xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.
  
• Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
  
• Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
  
• Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
  
• Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
  
• Dont use any punctuation
  
• or caps
  
• notusinganyspacescanbefuntoo
  
• Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.Wear them one day after your boss does.(This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
  
• Send e mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.
  
• Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names: "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
  
• Highlight your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
  
• Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
  
• Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
  
• Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work
  complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

 

[Svenskaflicka]

damppanties, those are GREAT! I love the printer-thing!

pop, just in WHAT WAY do you imitate a pigeon? Do you shit on statues?

ice, I did something similar once, and didn't shower or wash my hair for two whole weeks! Ofcourse, that was because I was oo sick to get out of bed without vomiting, but hey... i counts, right?

ffreak, han ÄR faktiskt väldigt stor. Och så är han lång och kaftigt byggd också!

 

[TheEarl]

26 things to do in a lift (elevator to the Yanks)

THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR:

1)When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2)Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,and go back for more.

3)Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4)Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5)Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend.After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6)Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up,then scream,"That's mine!"

7)Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8)Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9)Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10)Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11)Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12)Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13)Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14)When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

15)Swat at flies that don't exist.

16)Tell people that you can see their aura.

17)Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,"Shut up,all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"

20)Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21)Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror,"You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22)Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23)Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24)Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25)Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

26)Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"


After I finished my last A-Level exam, my friends and I went to a department store in town and did 1, 5, 6, 7, 14, 18, 19, 21, 22, 23 and 25. Several times.

I have actually found there is great entertainment in dressing up as a vampire and standing in the lifts. Just have a little trickle of faux-blood coming from the corner of your mouth and smile to reveal your fangs whenever someone comes in.

The Earl

 

[Guest]