How to interpret her body language

[YellowStraw80]

Alright, here's the deal. I work with a young lady (I'm a young man). We've known each other since we were in professional school together. We get along really well - have a lot in common. But, I'm married & she's engaged. So, even if there were something going on, there's really only a slim chance of anything more than friendship actually happening between us. But, I am still curious about what some things mean, if for no other reason that to satisfy my own curiosity.

About a week ago, we were sitting in a room with stadium style seats while some people we worked with were putting on a presentation. If I'm already sitting there, when she sits, if her calf and lower leg press up against mine, she won't move hers. She'll leave them touching mine. If I feel it through my suit trousers, I know she feels it on her bare skin. I don't know if it's wishful thinking on my part or an uncommon comfortableness with contact on her part, but it seems to me that people who aren't into each other wouldn't let their legs touch like that, no? I'd like to hear what you all think about that.

Also, in these seats, if she leaned over to whisper something to me (and it has happened before in other similar situations), I can feel her breast press into my arm. Part of me thinks, well, we're friends, it's just innocent and can't be avoided. But another part of me thinks, it is her breast, and not just a wispy touching, it's a pretty strong pressing - but not strong enough so as to make it 100% clear what it means. Does that make sense? I'd also like to hear what you all think about that.

Thoughts on what this body language means?

 

[tgnytg]

I think it means...

I re-read this sentence from your post:

> I'm married & she's engaged.

If by "married" and "engaged" you mean monogamous, I think it means that if you plan on pursuing this co-worker, that the other two relationships need to end first.

The two of you don't have the right to f*ck up other peoples' lives just so you can get a little strange.

 

[NippleMuncher]

If I'm already sitting there, when she sits, if her calf and lower leg press up against mine, she won't move hers.

But another part of me thinks, it is her breast, and not just a wispy touching,

Some folks enjoy touching and being touched, though this would seem to push that to the realm of flirting - overtly. I know that when I'm flirting with a woman who's married or has a significant other, I am more bold because I know that it can't and won't go anywhere - it's all in fun and we both know it.

It could be that she's just extremely comfortable around you and uses these contact situations to show it without making the statement to the rest of the room. You've got a history that goes back to school, so you should have enough of a relationship to openly talk to her about it - meaning a frank discussion, not a public one. Make it clear what your position on the topic is and your comfort level. If she has ulterior motives that do not coincide with your own, end the relationship. If you have any intentions of pursuing an intimate relationship DON'T! It's not fair to your respective significant others and has only one way that it can end - badly!

 

[littlebitshe]

I re-read this sentence from your post:

> I'm married & she's engaged.

If by "married" and "engaged" you mean monogamous, I think it means that if you plan on pursuing this co-worker, that the other two relationships need to end first.

The two of you don't have the right to f*ck up other peoples' lives just so you can get a little strange.

I agree! By you pursueing the meaning of the touching, breast pressing, and whatever else is going on, you are getting yourself into a bad situation! Why would you care what this means if you love and are devoted to someone else? Sounds to me that you would have no problem cheating on your wife if this other woman pursued you.... Can't say that I'm surprised. There are LOTS of jerks out there that would do the same thing!

My advise to you is forget about these actions she's made towards you (whether they be innocent or have meaning) and be faithful to your wife.

** All remarks are assuming that you and your wife are not swingers and all relations with this woman would happen without your wife's knowledge or without this woman's fiancee's knowledge.

 

[YellowStraw80]

I want to give a "thank you" to Nipplemuncher for answering my question instead of taking the opportunity to espouse their views of the necessity of fidelity. Pardon my directness, but too often I see people post on these boards who are married or otherwise attached ask questions that could be of interest not only to themselves but also to readers of the boards generally, only to be shouted down by those whose feel compelled to incessantly remind others about the virtue of fidelity and the despicable nature of cheating.

Thus, I'd ask other posters to read this part of the post before posting: "Even if there were something going on, there's really only a slim chance of anything more than friendship actually happening between us. But, I am still curious about what some things mean, if for no other reason that to satisfy my own curiosity.

I say "slim chance" because I have no intention of cheating on my spouse with this coworker. There are three reasons for this: (1) I am married; (2) She is engaged; (3) We work together.

I am simply curious as to what her body language - this touching - means. I want to satisfy this curiosity, not get a "green light" to have an affair. I'd appreciate if people replying to my post take this into consideration when typing a response.

Thank you.

 

[Mazuri]

I am simply curious as to what her body language - this touching - means.

Why not ask her?

 

[YellowStraw80]

Why not ask her?

Two reasons: One, if she wanted something 'more', then I'd be leading her on, since I don't think I could in good conscience have an affair. Two, if she didn't want something more, she'd think that I did, and our friendship would be ruined and work would suddenly become a hell of a lot more awkward...

It's more of a satisfy the curiosity thing...

 

[NippleMuncher]

You're welcome.

It would seem that you could figure a way to take her to lunch and casually broach the subject. You should be able to get your answers without a "why do you push your boobs into me?" point blank question.

 

[mjl2010]

You're welcome.

It would seem that you could figure a way to take her to lunch and casually broach the subject. You should be able to get your answers without a "why do you push your boobs into me?" point blank question.

Oh hell no, don't do that. That's just not it at all.

The stuff you're talking about, the legs against yours, the breast that hits your arm when she leans close. That means nothing. Nothing.

Ever hug a woman not your girlfriend or wife? Did her breasts touch your chest? Of course. Did that mean she was getting off on her boobs touching you. No of course not.

Sheesh. Have we gotten to the point in society where every gesture, every accidental touch, like two legs meeting in close quarters is a sexual gesture? I surely hope not.

But! And I think its a big but. If it is intentional, and she is hitting on you, then just ignore it. It will either go away or become blatant. If it does, just tell her no way and move on.

Jeez. I remember they had this huge company meeting way back before I went to work for myself. All about sexual harassment. What was, what wasn't. The things they said were amazing to all of us. None of us could believe it. And all because the owner of the company got a thing in the mail offering the seminar and he was PC before anyone ever heard of the phrase.

For weeks, workers were going around, coming up behind someone and rubbing their shoulders, then declaring, "There! You've been sexually harassed." And they'd laugh about it. Both parties. Men did it to men. Women to women. Women to men, and men to women. It got so bad they had another company meeting.

Forget it man. It's just not worth it. Don't touch and go home to your wife at night. Keep it there.

It was nice finally when everything settled down and we went back to our old ways of working together. After a 12 hour day, it was nice to have so and so come up and rub your shoulders, then suggest stopping for dinner somewhere on the way home. All without either party thinking anything at all was meant by it.

MJL

 

[Noor]

It probably means nothing, if she wants you she will spell it out verbally.

If a man was doing it, it might mean something but women who are touchy feelly can do stuff like this with no other meaning than just being comfortable with someone.

To most women, married male friends are safe, a sort of eunuch they don't have to worry about. They feel comfortable with them in a way they never would be if they were single. Younger women especially, perhaps because they are still idealistic about marriage. Most young engaged women are totally and exclusively into their husbands to be.

Some people just have no idea where their bodies are, or don't care, just take a look at men on public transportation. Outside of intimate sexually situations a woman's body is not usually hot wired by touch to their genitals as a man's can seem to be.

 

[photo_chick]

The stuff you're talking about, the legs against yours, the breast that hits your arm when she leans close. That means nothing. Nothing.

I disagree. It very definitely could be flirting and waiting for you to make the first move. Especially if she knows you're married and wanting to see if you are interested in pursuing anything outside your marriage. If you pull your leg away, you're not interested. If you leave your legs touching, you might be. I've flirted that way before - not necc. with married men but just in general to see if someone objected to physical contact.

 

[emptynester]

It probably means nothing, if she wants you she will spell it out verbally.
If a man was doing it, it might mean something but women who are touchy feelly can do stuff like this with no other meaning than just being comfortable with someone.

Sorry Noor but I totally disagree. I think every woman knows what can turn a man on by even the slightest touch. This one appears to me to be spelling it out loud and clear. She has taken flirting to the next step, IMO.

If a man had done this to a woman, he would probably have already been brought up on sexual harassment charges. Unfortunately, I think woman get by with more because society says "that is the nature of the beast" where the man is concerned but overlook the fact that women can initiate sexual advances that are inappropriate in the work place too.

Ever see the movie with Michael Douglas and Demi Moore? I can't remember the name of the movie and it wasn't based just on sexual harassment at work, but it was powerful. She seduced him, then tried to bring charges against him for sexual harassment.

My thoughts are that this woman knows exactly what she is doing. Flirting, maybe. Teasing, definitely.

I have male friends I work with and those I associate with through my work. I am comfortable with a lot of them, but I would never consider it appropriate to touch them like she is touching you.

You have already alluded to the fact that it makes you feel uncomfortable. My guess is that she has already sensed that but is waiting to see how you are going to react.

 

[PertPerth]

But, I am still curious about what some things mean, if for no other reason that to satisfy my own curiosity.

I know several of my friends/ work peers who act like this with friends and work mates. My personal opinion is that your friend is attracted to you - but you're "safe" to flirt with because you're married and so nothing will ever come of it. It's nice to flirt with someone you're attracted to; it's nice to be flirted with. Especially after being married for a while, it's nice to know that someone other than your husband/wife thinks you're attractive.

I also want to add...don't go there with her! (Sorry, can't help it!) Fantasy is fun....leave it at that and it'll be fine.

~Pert

 

[Cathleen]

The movie emptynester referred to is Disclosure.

Yellow, I can't say if those things meant anything because I don't know her typical behaviors. What kind of seats were they, was it close quarters, was there a writing top that swings out for writing, did she have her pocketbook between her feet that might then shift her legs a bit wider etc.? See? How would I know.

One thing I will say is I usually know where my breasts are pressing, also that there are times it's somewhat unavoidable but not often.

 

[fgarvb1]

Well now.

Don't know.

Could go either way but let me say this about that.

Through the years at various times and places I've had some very good and close female friends that felt very comfortable and safe around me. Bare skin against flesh or cloth while sitting or leaning over me to reach something while pressing parts of her body onto me... not that unusual. I sometimes favor them with a smile and a " thanks!" which gets me a soft slap on the arm and a playful glare.

Those times when we had to do things that were, well best that the other people that worked with us NOT find out about most of the time, almost always earned me a "Don't you dare tell anyone we did this it just sounds bad!" command.

So, who knows. Enjoy it... it might be one of those things in life that makes things even better.

 

[somberReality]

Some folks enjoy touching and being touched, though this would seem to push that to the realm of flirting - overtly. I know that when I'm flirting with a woman who's married or has a significant other, I am more bold because I know that it can't and won't go anywhere - it's all in fun and we both know it.

It could be that she's just extremely comfortable around you and uses these contact situations to show it without making the statement to the rest of the room. You've got a history that goes back to school, so you should have enough of a relationship to openly talk to her about it - meaning a frank discussion, not a public one. Make it clear what your position on the topic is and your comfort level. If she has ulterior motives that do not coincide with your own, end the relationship. If you have any intentions of pursuing an intimate relationship DON'T! It's not fair to your respective significant others and has only one way that it can end - badly!

I have to agree with this.

 

[Noor]

Sorry Noor but I totally disagree. I think every woman knows what can turn a man on by even the slightest touch. This one appears to me to be spelling it out loud and clear. She has taken flirting to the next step, IMO.

If a man had done this to a woman, he would probably have already been brought up on sexual harassment charges. Unfortunately, I think woman get by with more because society says "that is the nature of the beast" where the man is concerned but overlook the fact that women can initiate sexual advances that are inappropriate in the work place too.

I assure you I am female and I don't know "what can turn a man on by even the slightest touch." I wish I did sometimes. I have someone I would love to turn on so easily ;-)

I think the attitude you are writing about in your first paragraph, is just a few steps down from the expectation of that women should be veiled.

I don't think I would do what this woman is doing, but I don't really like to be touched by non-intimates so I wouldn't even be close enough to accidentally touch someone like that. I do have fairly large breasts though and they do get in the way sometimes, I have had massive amounts of physical therapy and I am sure I have brushed my pts and pta's accidentally at some point.

I disagree with a lot that goes on in workplaces, but just because I think it can lead to unfortunate or improper relationships does not mean that everyone who does these things is doing it with any sexual or evil intent.

 

[sirensiren]

It's very tricky. I'm a very affectionate woman myself. And it usually doesn't mean I'm sexually interested in someone, quite the contrary, if I am interested I tend to shy away more.

 

[southernsky]

My take on it is that she's seeing what you'll accept as far as physical contact goes. There's a big difference between accidentally brushing someone with my boobs, like Noor was talking about, and what she's doing, which sounds intentional. You can "talk" back to her by either letting her do it, which to some women will mean that you are a little bit interested back, even just in flirting, or you can pull away and apologize, or readjust the way you're sitting so your leg is away from hers. These signs mean that you're not interested, IMO.

 

[NorCalGirl]

About a week ago, we were sitting in a room with stadium style seats while some people we worked with were putting on a presentation. If I'm already sitting there, when she sits, if her calf and lower leg press up against mine, she won't move hers. She'll leave them touching mine. If I feel it through my suit trousers, I know she feels it on her bare skin.
...

Also, in these seats, if she leaned over to whisper something to me (and it has happened before in other similar situations), I can feel her breast press into my arm. Part of me thinks, well, we're friends, it's just innocent and can't be avoided.
...

Thoughts on what this body language means?

I think what you described could be signs that this person obviously feels very comfortable around you, enough to allow some fairly innocent body contact. As someone else said, the calf to calf touching could occur if she has placed her purse between her legs, or maybe she was just shifting positions in her seat. The breast pressing against your arm -- could also be accidental, especially if it's only momentary.

What would be definitely more flirtatious behavior is if she touches your arm or hand with her hand frequently, for example, to get your attention, or leaning over, laughing about something and placing a hand on your arm at the same time. I know when I find a man attractive and think he may feel the same, it's almost irresistible to touch him in a "non-sexual" way. Another tell is if a woman plays with her hair while talking to you. Stuff like that would say "flirtation" to me more than what you described. I.E., calf to calf seems fairly innocent, hand to knee not so much.

 

[thirty]

It also depends on her personality, I mean if she likes to do the similar things to other coworkers.

 

[benthickat]

I assure you I am female and I don't know "what can turn a man on by even the slightest touch." I wish I did sometimes. I have someone I would love to turn on so easily ;-)
QUOTE]

thank You Noor! Guys, reality check, we don't all know what we are doing to you in those little ways (maybe you need to tell us more?)...even if we want to! altho sometimes we do. *wicked laugh*

 

[genuineloveman]

She most definitely likes you. I cannot speculate if she wants more. There is no need to talk to her about it. Talking is stupid. We talk too much. Continue to be friends with her, don't begin an affair with her. This unclear situation is much more exciting than the determinacy of an affair.

 

[LaJovena]

I understand what you are talking about. And yes, she probably has some interest in you. I would recommend that you simply back away from her. These are subtle ways that we homo sapiens communicate with each other through body language. When you re-establish distance that she has crossed, you are subtly conveying the message that you are not interested, and it saves you both the embarrassment of having to verbalize whatever the hell is going on.

Oh yeah, and keep your dick in your pants! (Sorry, couldn't resist!)

 

[Young Knave]

I think what you described could be signs that this person obviously feels very comfortable around you, enough to allow some fairly innocent body contact. As someone else said, the calf to calf touching could occur if she has placed her purse between her legs, or maybe she was just shifting positions in her seat. The breast pressing against your arm -- could also be accidental, especially if it's only momentary.

What would be definitely more flirtatious behavior is if she touches your arm or hand with her hand frequently, for example, to get your attention, or leaning over, laughing about something and placing a hand on your arm at the same time. I know when I find a man attractive and think he may feel the same, it's almost irresistible to touch him in a "non-sexual" way. Another tell is if a woman plays with her hair while talking to you. Stuff like that would say "flirtation" to me more than what you described. I.E., calf to calf seems fairly innocent, hand to knee not so much.

It sounded like she was really leaning into him though, and pressing her leg against his. That's a bit different then a little accidental, brief contact. It sure sounds like she's flirting to me.