How To Help Her?

[izod]

I've been with my fiance for three and a half years now. We're each others first, and we're madly in love with each other. We have no problem communicating, and we resolve our issues well. She had a tough childhood - I on the other hand have a great family and had a good childhood. For some reason she has a mental block when it comes to sex - she enjoys it physically, but she can never get into it mentally. She says she feels slutty when it comes to sex. I'm going to have her join in with my psychologist and see if we cant hash anythng out (she'd rather join me than go see hers). Has anyone else had experience with this? Any recommendations? Thanks.

 

[Eilan]

Though you don't go into detail, it sure sounds like her upbringing might have given her some pretty negative ideas about sex.

I think that the counseling is a great idea, particularly since she's willing to do it. I haven't had any personal experiences with counseling, so I can't help you in that regard, but I have had to deal with sexual issues related to my upbringing. It takes time and effort, but I've found that it's worth it.

Good luck and to both of you for being able/willing to work on this together. Be sure to let us know how things work out.

 

[pleasteasme]

izod ~ I think you are ahead of the game on this one!!!

Counseling is a great idea and as Elian mentioned all the better because she is willing to participate. Your patience and considerate behavior is to be applauded!

I just wanted to throw out there, that it is fortunate she is receptive sexually at all. I have a friend that has some issues with her upbringing and other things. She is totally closed off from relationships and sex. I will read this thread with interest and see if there is something that could possibly help her as well.

Good post.

 

[karndav]

I think counseling is the best answer. You might even want to go to a sex therapist to resolve these issues. Since she is wiiling to work on the problem I think you are going to be alright. Best of luck to you both.

 

[Brinnie]

taking her to seek sexual help is about the worst thing you can do, unless you're gonna let her therapist fuck her?!

only makes her feel like a moron


Why don't you capitalize on the situation.
Girls are happy to please.

Obviously, you're not pleased, so you're the problem.​

 

[izod]

Brinnie, I've seen so many posts where you bring your negative attitude around and try to be all high and mighty, and it really doesnt help anyone. Maybe seeking therapy would make you feel like a moron, but some of us understand that we can't help ourselves with everything (I was diagnosed with OCD last year, and thank god I have my therapist). You start by saying that I shouldn't make her feel like a moron, but then you say I should "capitalize on the situation"? What type of advice is that? I'm actually fine with our sex life, but I want HER to enjoy it more, thus this topic was created. Think before you type.

She already sees her therapist, and I see mine. We talked about it - and she agrees that she has a mental block towards enjoying sex, and SHE would like to see it go away. I asked if she would rather see her therapist and talk about it, or whether she'd be more comfortable going to mine with me. She chose to go with me, because she said she'd feel more comfortable with me there.

 

[EJFan]

Brinnie, I've seen so many posts where you bring your negative attitude around and try to be all high and mighty, and it really doesnt help anyone. Maybe seeking therapy would make you feel like a moron, but some of us understand that we can't help ourselves with everything (I was diagnosed with OCD last year, and thank god I have my therapist). You start by saying that I shouldn't make her feel like a moron, but then you say I should "capitalize on the situation"? What type of advice is that? I'm actually fine with our sex life, but I want HER to enjoy it more, thus this topic was created. Think before you type.

She already sees her therapist, and I see mine. We talked about it - and she agrees that she has a mental block towards enjoying sex, and SHE would like to see it go away. I asked if she would rather see her therapist and talk about it, or whether she'd be more comfortable going to mine with me. She chose to go with me, because she said she'd feel more comfortable with me there.

she's young and insecure.

i wish i could help you out but i just thought i'd wish you luck and apologize on behalf of the rest of us who genuinely appreciate the gravity of your situation. good luck to you and keep us posted.