Le Jacquelope
Loves Spam
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2003
- Posts
- 76,445
(with some notes from Hellbaby 
)
Having sex with a Republican can be a downright profitable experience. The benefits include racially pure children and a great appreciation for apple pie.
But there are drawbacks if it isn't done right. For one, a Republican wife could leave you if your stock value falls, so gentlemen, watch your mutual funds and be sure to diversify into oil futures and real estate - just in case. And a Republican husband tends to like to trade away older women, so ladies, remember, Mary Kay is your friend! Also, failure to to wear Rush Limbaugh ties or lube your mate up with an hour of Michael Savage talk radio before copulation, can result in gay children and other *ahem* complications.
Anyways, I digress. To start off a romantic night, first of all, you must remember that a single wide trailer is the most erotic place to have Republican sex. Your local trailer park has quite a few. You should be able to reserve a night in one if you call a few weeks in advance. Once you've done that, have an opening line to lure your mate into bed. "Let me show you my big fat/wet tax cut" in his/her ear is a good one to use in a pinch.
Make sure your bed is lined with monopoly money. Preferably the gold colored $500 bills. It's cheaper than real money but it will turn your mate on almost as effectively.
Also remember that your Republican mate also likes to hear time honored cliche's not only from some faceless man on the radio, but also from you. Whispering to lure them into the bedroom in the first place. Whisper "Did you know the French have no word for 'laissez-faire'?" and you'll practically turn his/her knees to jelly.
More tomorrow.
)Having sex with a Republican can be a downright profitable experience. The benefits include racially pure children and a great appreciation for apple pie.
But there are drawbacks if it isn't done right. For one, a Republican wife could leave you if your stock value falls, so gentlemen, watch your mutual funds and be sure to diversify into oil futures and real estate - just in case. And a Republican husband tends to like to trade away older women, so ladies, remember, Mary Kay is your friend! Also, failure to to wear Rush Limbaugh ties or lube your mate up with an hour of Michael Savage talk radio before copulation, can result in gay children and other *ahem* complications.
Anyways, I digress. To start off a romantic night, first of all, you must remember that a single wide trailer is the most erotic place to have Republican sex. Your local trailer park has quite a few. You should be able to reserve a night in one if you call a few weeks in advance. Once you've done that, have an opening line to lure your mate into bed. "Let me show you my big fat/wet tax cut" in his/her ear is a good one to use in a pinch.
Make sure your bed is lined with monopoly money. Preferably the gold colored $500 bills. It's cheaper than real money but it will turn your mate on almost as effectively.
Also remember that your Republican mate also likes to hear time honored cliche's not only from some faceless man on the radio, but also from you. Whispering to lure them into the bedroom in the first place. Whisper "Did you know the French have no word for 'laissez-faire'?" and you'll practically turn his/her knees to jelly.
More tomorrow.
