how to get over a semi-bdsm-crush??

[marieR19]

I don't post here, or even come here, as often as I used to, but I still love you all dearly and miss you! My computer's been being a butthole lately, and internet access is very sporatic (sp?).

Anyways, I have a bit of a problem, and I've tried talking to my other friends about it, but it's hard to talk about bdsm-related stuff on a PG-rated site. lol

I have a HUGE, mega-ultra-huge crush, which is seriously bordering on obsession. I've had this crush since September. I couldn't do anything about it because "C" was a co-worker, and worse then that she was also one of my therapists. Very very big no-no.

..... I don't even know how to explain this. Nothing about C, or anything between us, was ever sexual or bdsm or anything like it. But I know things about her that I shouldn't know (because I'm the person who files private papers into employee's files...), I know that she has a violent streak and is very much a dominate person, and overly sexual as well....

Which has led me to fantasizing about her. A lot. Friends have pointed out that violent tendencies do NOT equal bdsm, and I have no idea if she'd even be open to a same-sex relationship... and that's true, and I keep telling myself that, but I can't stop thinking about her!

I've been fantasizing about her for months now, and it was total torture seeing her at work all the time and having to act all natural.... well, now she is gone, got fired (for sexual harassement no less), and has moved out of state. Which *should* make me realize that there is no *possiblity* of anything happening, but I still can't stop thinking about her.

It's totally driving me crazy, and it makes me feel so stupid because this isn't even a person who is into bdsm that I know of, and yet I have all these thoughts and feelings...

Thing is, I've never fantasized about someone in real life like this. All my bdsm fantasies, ever, have always been about made-up people, that elusive Mistress that I've never found... this is completely new to me and I don't know how to stop it.

Suggestions, comments, advice, anything? Please? *sigh*


Heather

 

[clock1]

Out of state is only a problem if you allow it to be.

Someone at work should have some kind of forwarding address for her. (She might even have used the company as a reference for a new job- doubtful considering... but if she worked there a while she would have a gap in employment without using them, so...) Consider people are reluctant to say anything negative once the "offender" is gone.

So find an address, or someone who has one. If you find it, contact and make nice noises. If someone else has it (and is reluctant to give it out) find a "book " that you had "borrowed" wrap it, put postage on it and ask the address holder to send it on. Inside you have a nice (or not so depending on your courage) note with your contact info, and encourage her to "stay in touch".

Who knows, she may have had a crush on that submissive looking girl in the office but was not sure if she... or would be willing.....

You get the picture. Find her, and plan a vacation. Life is too short for what if and I wish I had....

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

She was your therapist who's overly sexual, has a violent streak, and was fired for sexual harassment.

And you want to be with her, why?

That's not even taking into consideration that you don't know if she is into women or into BDSM.

I say move on. And don't look back.

 

[intothewoods]

Oh dear. Forbidden fruit much? And oh, a bad girl too. I think you know this isn't a good idea, or you wouldn't have posted!

You'll move on eventually.

 

[sexycaz22]

Heather, I have been through what you have gone through. And believe me, the crush will die, eventually. Out of sight, out of mind does work.....at least for me!

I have had a massive crush on this guy, for a couple of years (yes! two years!!) and many of my friends have warned me against him, telling me that he was not a good guy, but like an idiot I am, I ignored the warnings, and continued to lust over him. He knew about my crush and played on it, stringed me along, making me think that we had a chance, when in fact we never had a chance.

Till....one day...I looked at him, and suddenly I found that I didn't lust over him anymore, that my crush died, and then I looked back over the two years and realised that I wasted my energy and time for him!

My advice is....well, its not much advice as just a warning, try to not let this crush take over your life. Try to re-focus your energy and time on other things.

Hope my experience helped a little bit.

 

[YourCaptor]

Now that the work thing is out of the way why not confess?

Best case scenario, the skys the limit.

Worst case scenario, thanks but no thanks.

 

[marieR19]

..... Because confessing *that* to *her* could potentially be dangerous, in a not-good way. I mean, like I said, I don't know if she's even into bdsm, but I *do* know that she's violent. Got multiple arrests for assault and domestic violence.

I know nothing can ever happen between us, I'm not still hoping on that. I know the situation is a lot more uncertain and potentially harmful then I can risk.

It's just *getting over her* that's the problem. I thought it would be easier, with her gone. Especially knowing she's out of state now, so it's not like I can run into her at the store or anything. But I can't get her out of my mind.

*sigh*

And thanks, everyone, for your responses.


Heather

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

..... Because confessing *that* to *her* could potentially be dangerous, in a not-good way. I mean, like I said, I don't know if she's even into bdsm, but I *do* know that she's violent. Got multiple arrests for assault and domestic violence.

I know nothing can ever happen between us, I'm not still hoping on that. I know the situation is a lot more uncertain and potentially harmful then I can risk.

It's just *getting over her* that's the problem. I thought it would be easier, with her gone. Especially knowing she's out of state now, so it's not like I can run into her at the store or anything. But I can't get her out of my mind.

*sigh*

And thanks, everyone, for your responses.


Heather

You already know exactly what to do. You don't need some stranger to help you out. Let time be on your side. No, it isn't easy, and the distance between you has nothing to do with making it simpler to forget her, but time does.

And you're right, never confuse someone using violence to get their own way as dominance. The two could not be farther apart.