How to get my gf to have a 3some

[Luke_25]

Hi All,

One of my biggest fantasies has been to have a 3some with my gf and my best buddy. My best buddy is totally up for it, but I have no idea how to approach my gf about it. My best buddy and I used to be housemates, and admittedly when we watched porn together, it progressed to jacking each other off..basically we our comfortable being naked in front of each other.

My gf is extremely open minded, and we love each other very dearly. We have talked about trying new things out, but 3somes have not yet come up though. Has anyone here been in a similar position? I would love to get some advice. Thanks for your time

L

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Hi All,

One of my biggest fantasies has been to have a 3some with my gf and my best buddy. My best buddy is totally up for it, but I have no idea how to approach my gf about it. My best buddy and I used to be housemates, and admittedly when we watched porn together, it progressed to jacking each other off..basically we our comfortable being naked in front of each other.

My gf is extremely open minded, and we love each other very dearly. We have talked about trying new things out, but 3somes have not yet come up though. Has anyone here been in a similar position? I would love to get some advice. Thanks for your time

L

This seems to be the second time TODAY this question has been asked. and the answer is still the same. YOU CAN'T.

Your girl friend will do what she is comfortable with. This is your fantasy, may or may not be hers. Have you asked her? If you have and she said no then forget it. If she said yes, then you need to find out why she said yes. Was it just to please you? Apparantly you have not asked her.

If your girlfriend isn't into it, you can't change her mind.

 

[Luke_25]

3somes with my gf

Hi Jenny,

I guess my concern is that i have no idea how to ask her, or how to bring it up?

L

 

[kman33fl]

Actually, my wife just recently agreed to do this but we haven't actually done it yet.

After years of discussions I'd say the best route is to just ask her about it. I brought it up while messing around in bed the first time but every woman is different and you should know best how to approach her. Discuss concerns and LISTEN to what she says.

Keep it light and fun, don't put a lot of pressure on her.

Best of luck!

 

[Luke_25]

thanks for the advice, kman..let me know how it goes on your end

Cheers
L

 

[SweetErika]

"There was a discussion on MFM, FMF and FFM threesomes on Lit today, and I realized we've never really talked about that topic. What are your thoughts on them?"

It can be as easy as that.

Be very careful if she wants to proceed though; it takes a certain type of people and relationship to come through a threesome, and most people can't handle it. Communication, communication, communication, complete honesty and respect are absolutely necessary to have a chance at NOT destroying the relationship. This is one of those things that's often best left as a fantasy or partial reality.

 

[kman33fl]

"There was a discussion on MFM, FMF and FFM threesomes on Lit today, and I realized we've never really talked about that topic. What are your thoughts on them?"

It can be as easy as that.

Be very careful if she wants to proceed though; it takes a certain type of people and relationship to come through a threesome, and most people can't handle it. Communication, communication, communication, complete honesty and respect are absolutely necessary to have a chance at NOT destroying the relationship. This is one of those things that's often best left as a fantasy or partial reality.

Great advice. We have talked it over soo many times. In fact, she agreed to it about a month ago and I've decided to just keep it a fantasy for a while longer. Actually, once she said yes and a day or two later she confirmed it again, I had some different feelings. Not different in a bad way, but just making the decision from fantasy to reality made a difference so I'm expecting some odd feelings (along with great ones) after it happens. I'm starting to digress. I'm keeping it a fantasy a little while longer because I've been the one wanting this and I want to give her some time to change her mind if she wants. I don't want her later to feel that I pressured her into it.

Just to restate it, I agree communication, communication, communication, honesty and respect. Make sure all the potential problems are discussed in detail!

I'm interested in hearing more on the subject from others.

 

[Acanthus]

The way i did was just to ask, but i have that kind of a relationship.

 

[scoobytoo2000]

3somes can be really hot, but everyone has to want it and be comfortable or it can go bad real quick. When or if it happens, I believe it is usually spontaneous and not planned out.

 

[SweetErika]

Great advice. We have talked it over soo many times. In fact, she agreed to it about a month ago and I've decided to just keep it a fantasy for a while longer. Actually, once she said yes and a day or two later she confirmed it again, I had some different feelings. Not different in a bad way, but just making the decision from fantasy to reality made a difference so I'm expecting some odd feelings (along with great ones) after it happens. I'm starting to digress. I'm keeping it a fantasy a little while longer because I've been the one wanting this and I want to give her some time to change her mind if she wants. I don't want her later to feel that I pressured her into it.

Just to restate it, I agree communication, communication, communication, honesty and respect. Make sure all the potential problems are discussed in detail!

I'm interested in hearing more on the subject from others.

It sounds like you're doing it the right way, Kman.

You might consider a test run with acts you're fairly sure will be "safe" for both of you. Touching, kissing, oral and other non-intercourse activities are a lot of fun and can give you an idea of what kinds of issues and feelings might come up during a threesome. We found easing into it like this to be key; even though we'd communicated like crazy and had everything worked out, neither of us really knew how we'd feel until we were in that specific situation. Going slowly allowed us to ensure we were both positive we wanted to proceed with sex and maximize our full-on experience (he wanted to participate more, so I was able to make sure that happened the next time).

A friend you plan on making the third, a swingers event, or someone you find specifically for this purpose are all possibilities for the trial.

Anyway, I pulled up some of the better threads on threesomes for you, or anyone who's interested. These should help you make sure you have all of your bases covered in terms of avoiding problems and maximizing your experience:
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=322529
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=332777
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=333708
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=362540

 

[Eilan]

Erika dug up some good threads for you. Here's one of my favorites:

How do I convince my wife to MMF?

 

[Luke_25]

Erika dug up some good threads for you. Here's one of my favorites:

How do I convince my wife to MMF?

Thanks

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

I'm not addressing this post to anyone in particular, so anyone who wants to answer can chime in.

I'm curious about other people's opinions on selecting a friend to be the third party, particularly a friend that one half of the couple has a "history" with.

What happens if the fantasy-to-reality aspect of the threesome doesn't turn out like everyone had hoped?

 

[incubus'_sub]

Well, in that case you just have to cope the best you can. There are no guarantees with any situation or relationship.

I agree that prior communication is important, but I sometimes think that too much talking spoils the idea. People get so caught up in the bad things that might happen, that they prevent themselves having a terrific & enjoyable experience.

Threesomes, as opposed to poly relationships, are just for sexy fun. They usually mean nothing except some extreme pleasure at the moment. Yes, discuss the idea first & only go ahead if everyone is happy to do it, but don't wreck it with too much planning, talking, worrying about every little thing.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree that prior communication is important, but I sometimes think that too much talking spoils the idea. People get so caught up in the bad things that might happen, that they prevent themselves having a terrific & enjoyable experience.

Threesomes, as opposed to poly relationships, are just for sexy fun. They usually mean nothing except some extreme pleasure at the moment. Yes, discuss the idea first & only go ahead if everyone is happy to do it, but don't wreck it with too much planning, talking, worrying about every little thing.

Interesting thoughts.

The other side of the coin is, for many, discussing every possibility and planning ahead allows people to reduce the fear of the unknown and go into the situation without anxiety over the 'what ifs,' thus having a better experience.

I see it as: 'Bringing others into the relationship has a lot of potential to threaten our marriage. We need to do everything in our power to guard against the dangers beforehand, when emotions aren't running so high. If we do that, we'll be able to enjoy ourselves more, secure in the knowledge we've put our relationship first and negative thoughts during won't ruin the fun.'

And so far, that's worked out very well.

I suppose it depends on how a couple views communication.

 

[silverwhisper]

eilan: interesting question. i've not yet had that experience, nor do i think that i'll have the opportunity to do so, which i suspect is for the best. :>

hypothetically, i think the responses depend way too much on the precise circumstances and the immediate reactions. when i've been in threesomes in the past, it was a spontaneous thing and largely OK, w/ one notable exception i don't care to discuss--but it was bad.

ed

 

[Eilan]

People get so caught up in the bad things that might happen, that they prevent themselves having a terrific & enjoyable experience.

I think that it's possible to have a terrific and enjoyable experience while being realistic about the impact that said experience might have on the primary relationship.

I noticed that the thread starter mentioned in a thread on the GLBT board that his buddy has a girlfriend and that a foursome might be in the future. I'm wondering if the buddy's girlfriend knows about the plans for a threesome or a foursome.

I also found it interesting that he said, "now my buddy and I are planning to have a 3some with my gf," when he hasn't even figured out how to bring this up to her yet, hence this thread.

Don't make any plans until everybody knows what's going on.

 

[Doze]

I would have to agree with Eilan, you can't plan on anything if she's not aware of the plan and agrees to it! I would love to do the same with my wife but she won't go for it therefore I can't plan on it. You can't push someone into it, it's something that they have to want to do or it'll turn into a bad situation.

 

[SweetErika]

I think that it's possible to have a terrific and enjoyable experience while being realistic about the impact that said experience might have on the primary relationship.

I noticed that the thread starter mentioned in a thread on the GLBT board that his buddy has a girlfriend and that a foursome might be in the future. I'm wondering if the buddy's girlfriend knows about the plans for a threesome or a foursome.

I also found it interesting that he said, "now my buddy and I are planning to have a 3some with my gf," when he hasn't even figured out how to bring this up to her yet, hence this thread.

Don't make any plans until everybody knows what's going on.

This is my personal favorite from that post :

From time to time, when our gf's are away we still have fun with each other.

If your girlfriends don't know you guys screw around while they're away, your relationships are missing key ingredients of threesomes, Luke: integrity, respect, communication and love. Three/moresomes will exacerbate the large problems you already have and drive the final nails in the coffins that contain your relationships.

 

[bearlee]

Hi All,

One of my biggest fantasies has been to have a 3some with my gf and my best buddy. My best buddy is totally up for it, but I have no idea how to approach my gf about it. My best buddy and I used to be housemates, and admittedly when we watched porn together, it progressed to jacking each other off..basically we our comfortable being naked in front of each other.

My gf is extremely open minded, and we love each other very dearly. We have talked about trying new things out, but 3somes have not yet come up though. Has anyone here been in a similar position? I would love to get some advice. Thanks for your time

L

I wrote a couple things about this, I think in the How To category. We're certainly not experts on this stuff but the advice given to you so far as been excellent. The most important thing is communication I guess although trust is so damn important. We do this kind of thing on a semi-regular basis and the most important thing is to have rules of what is and what is not acceptable to both of you and those limits, while they may change over time, have to be respected. One suggestion you received was about a trial run. Go to a club as an observer and do just that-observe. Just make sure you're both really comfortable with it so you don't fuck up your relationship. It's not worth it and don't make it a so-called "lifestyle." Keep the life you have and incorporate it as only a part of your lives if you do it. Interesting topic though but again, be careful with it.

 

[hogjack]

your relationships are missing key ingredients of threesomes, Luke: integrity, respect, communication and love.

Hmmmm... I thought the key ingredients were good tunes, an open bar, decent lighting and imaginations.

I suppose those other things are cool as well.

 

[GoneAViking]

Let me try to give the readers digest version of my experience. If you want the five-part harmony let me know.

My buddy, significant other and I were watching porno after drinking quite a bit. Eventually we were all jacking and jilling; I said to hell with this and started nailing my S.O. after we finished she looked at my buddy and said should “I take care of him?” I told her it was up to her. She knew about my fantasies of others. (MFM, FMF, FFM, MFMMFFMFMFMM, ect.) To my surprise she walked over and blew him to oblivion. We have had other sessions since but she has not done anything like that since. Maybe in the future. Our relationship, however, has grown and strengthened beyond my hopes and dreams. If I could sum up my two bits of advice into one word, communication. Without it you are doomed in any endeavor. Lots of luck.

 

[WestVaCouple]

Talk about it.

I approached the topic with my wife by bringing it up during sex. Get her in the mood, after foreplay, ask her if she has any sexual fantasies. If she does, ask her for details, then tell her yours. Don't mention your best friend as it may be uncomfortable for her to see him if she thinks that you two have already discussed the issue. Gage her response to your fantasy. Don't just ask, "Wanna do it?"

 

[VampireD]

Dont' Do It

Looking For Trouble..thats A No Go Man.. Trust Me..well You Don't Know Me..but If You Try And Force Em..you Loose