How to get a girlfriend? (Shyness sucks..)

[Blindsilence]

Alright first off hello everyone this is my first post on these forums, so I am going to introduce myself, My name is Jared, I am 18, I am a Junior in highschool and I live in northwest Arkansas.

I am very shy..I am very small for my age and well...have only had 1 girlfriend and that was wayy back in the 5th grade..even that was crap as I don't think she was ever interested in me..maybe she was but I was too shy to really go further. (and well we were kind of young but still)

Anyway the reason for this is I am extremely shy, I have all these things I would like to tell the women I like but am way to afraid to do..I almost had a heart attack when I asked that girl out in 5th grade... My problem really is I fear rejection and I am afraid of what a girl will think of me...as highschool being all about being "cool" I dont really care, some guy doesnt think im cool thinks Im stupid, good for him because I hate him about 2x that..but with girls (except those few bitches...) I always care about what they are thinking about me....

Let me give you an example...today on the bus (not having a car sucks.) a beautiful girl starts talking to me, yet it's really awkward and I can think of nothing to say...as soon as she gets off I got pissed off at myself because I didn't ask more about her...

Anyone have any advice? I saw the How to get laid thread but it doesn't really apply here, getting laid would be nice but I just want someone that cares about me and that I like, even love, I had someone like that, best friend, we were at a school dance, she even hit on me (I think) but I didnt know what to do, and now I have moved away and lost all chances at that...I just want to meet a girl and get into a serious relationship...I seriously could careless about sex, and I don't want to have sex with a girl I don't know or like...

I would like to talk to this girl again tommorow or soon and ask her more about herself but I don't know how to do it without sounding like an idiot..

 

[Zanzibar]

well, for first things... you can start by sitting by that girl that approached you today and talking with her tomorrow.

If she started a conversation with you, that indicated an interest in her part, and thats the first step right there. Ask her some of the questions you thought of when she left today.

Things like classes she's in, what grade she's in if you don't know her, music she's interested in (be ready to tell her what kind you like). Are there any school soicial events left you might see if she's interested in going to?

Do you know how to dance? As a junior, you're eligible for Prom aren't you? That might be a bit sudden for someone you don't know, but it is an opportunity.

Are there situations where you're not shy? I know I was totally comfortable selling people stuff or at work, but I had a real hard time asking girls out as well when I was your age.

If there are, think of how you respond in those situations and see if you can apply it in getting to know this girl better.

 

[DrStein]

The last few pages of the How To Get Laid thread actually do have some good information for your situation. The thread is more about catching attention than anything else.

Leeleigh really is one of the best people to talk to. The advice and encouragement she's given me the last few days has really helped.

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

The best and biggest piece of advice I can give you is to go into it expecting nothing. If you are not worried about outcome, you can be natural, and just talk to them, get to know them, and they can see the real you. If you are thinking about what might come of it, then you will be awkward about it. So basically, you tell yourself, "Nothing is going to come of it, and if not, nothing lost, so why the hell not, I am just going to talk to her. If she likes me, awesome, if not, oh well."

I realize the last bit goes against your severe concern for what the ladies think of you, but you have to get over that. If anyone, male or female doesn't like you for you, then to hell with em, you don't need em anyway. The ones that can accept you how you are, shy, inexperienced, and any other quirks you might have, are the ones you want as friends, companions, and even mates.

Also, try talking about something you already feel comfortable talking about, preferably something you might have in common to discuss. Look for those little clues that she likes similar music, movies, books, activities, and so on. Key in on them and bring them up. When you hit a comfort zone, it makes it easier on both of you, and it gives you points in the compatibility department.

Oh, and don't bring up the whole "I am seriously not concerned about sex" thing. Most women take that as a point blank statement that you are looking for sex.

Good luck.

Alright first off hello everyone this is my first post on these forums, so I am going to introduce myself, My name is Jared, I am 18, I am a Junior in highschool and I live in northwest Arkansas.

I am very shy..I am very small for my age and well...have only had 1 girlfriend and that was wayy back in the 5th grade..even that was crap as I don't think she was ever interested in me..maybe she was but I was too shy to really go further. (and well we were kind of young but still)

Anyway the reason for this is I am extremely shy, I have all these things I would like to tell the women I like but am way to afraid to do..I almost had a heart attack when I asked that girl out in 5th grade... My problem really is I fear rejection and I am afraid of what a girl will think of me...as highschool being all about being "cool" I dont really care, some guy doesnt think im cool thinks Im stupid, good for him because I hate him about 2x that..but with girls (except those few bitches...) I always care about what they are thinking about me....

Let me give you an example...today on the bus (not having a car sucks.) a beautiful girl starts talking to me, yet it's really awkward and I can think of nothing to say...as soon as she gets off I got pissed off at myself because I didn't ask more about her...

Anyone have any advice? I saw the How to get laid thread but it doesn't really apply here, getting laid would be nice but I just want someone that cares about me and that I like, even love, I had someone like that, best friend, we were at a school dance, she even hit on me (I think) but I didnt know what to do, and now I have moved away and lost all chances at that...I just want to meet a girl and get into a serious relationship...I seriously could careless about sex, and I don't want to have sex with a girl I don't know or like...

I would like to talk to this girl again tommorow or soon and ask her more about herself but I don't know how to do it without sounding like an idiot..

 

[Blindsilence]

thanks for the advice, it takes me knowing somebody for a goodwhile before im not shy, prom is done, and no more social events, about 1 1/2 weeks left of this year

of course I wouldnt bring up anything about not wanting sex, the only woman i have been able to talk to about sex (and anything really) was the one I said I moved away from...(I hate moving)

I think this girl might by shy as well though, she even mentioned that it was awkward..hopefully I will change that...

Only thing Im worried about is Ive overheard her talking to friends and such and I know she is either Bi or Lesbian but Im not sure which, but even if shes lesbian it would still be nice to have her as a friend...

I think maybe the reason I have such a concern over what women think of me, is the women I meet I see every single day, and I really hate being forced to be around people who don't like me, or I don't like them...

I dont know about other topics but I know she is not into the same music as me, I don't know anyone who is, most highschoolers are into the rock, heavy metal, etc.. but I am more into Power Metal (sounds similar to heavy metal but its not, really broad genre infact) but yeah..hopefully I will be able to connect on some level

 

[Little Bird]

A girl that's into Power Metal?!?!

Would definately be a good catch...



I think I add my humble oppinion: I thnink for nice guys like us, it's the best way not to search in first way for a girl friend but for friends. Sometimes it's like meeting, going home, ******, and a week later they are a couple and some times it even might work but I don't think one who could be named a nice guy would no want to do it and most probably would not find a fitting partner that way.
Just be yourself and kind to your friends, than I will happen when you expect it the least...

 

[Leeleigh]

The last few pages of the How To Get Laid thread actually do have some good information for your situation. The thread is more about catching attention than anything else.

Leeleigh really is one of the best people to talk to. The advice and encouragement she's given me the last few days has really helped.

Thanks Doc... BTW the name is Leigh, meant to tell you earlier.

Blindstone, what Doc, Nyte and Zanzibar have said is correct. Just be yourself, shy and all.. cause that is who you are. Think about the things you like and be willing to talk about them if she asks. Don't go on the assumption that she will be bored... you may have some things in common. You will never know until you talk and ask.

I will tell you a little secret. Girls at that age mature faster than boys. For some of us, we liked having that shy guy around us... We could tell that he really liked us, was happy to be around us, and was more sensitive to our desires and feeling than the jocks were. Why... cause they really paid attention to us. I would go for the shy guys over the jocks everytime. Jocks are usually self centered.. shy guys aren't.

If you have questions, you are welcome to PM me. I will answer to the best of my ability.

Just remember one thing.......... Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.

 

[DrStein]

I dont know about other topics but I know she is not into the same music as me, I don't know anyone who is, most highschoolers are into the rock, heavy metal, etc.. but I am more into Power Metal (sounds similar to heavy metal but its not, really broad genre infact) but yeah..hopefully I will be able to connect on some level

\m/ \m/

If the topic of music does come up, don't be afraid to mention power metal. Maybe show her some of the more accessible stuff like Stratovarius, Nightwish, or Angra. Offer to listen to some of her bands if she'll listen to yours. People will usually go for that. Be sure to let her talk about her favorite bands, and she'll probably ask you about yours. It's really easier than you'd think.

Be sure to ask her questions. That way, you can find out more about her, it will show you that you're interested in her, and you don't have to carry much weight in the coversation. Pretty sweet deal, eh?

 

[EJFan]

i understand what you're saying about fearing rejection. it's a totally false concept that we males keep in our heads for no good reason.

the fact of the matter is, you'll get rejected from time to time. you may even get rejected most of the time... but if you accept that rejection happens, it begins to not really mean much. put yourself in an environment/situation where you feel comfortable and confident. the self-assurance will come soon enough and that's the one thing that women find hard to resist. they love men who are self confident. just stay focused on things you know and do well.

i mentioned in another thread a few weeks ago that hitters in the baseball hall of fame have .333 average or less. that means they DIDN'T get a hit two-thirds of the time... yet they're still considered great hitters. imagine failing more than succeeding and still being considered awesome. same thing goes for dating... take your time... be confident... you'll get there.

 

[skme]

Simple..........Be Honest and pay attention..........women just wanna be loved!

 

[emap]

Oh bad drstein, I'm a woman to.

The last three or four pages of how to get laid aren't on how to get laid, they are on how to get a phone number. Which more or less is what your wanting to do.

So take what was said above, read the How to Get Laid thread again and your home free. I'm not kidding, we love to see a man who is not afraid to let himself show, and who pays us compliments.

 

[ultra99]

The best and biggest piece of advice I can give you is to go into it expecting nothing. If you are not worried about outcome, you can be natural, and just talk to them, get to know them, and they can see the real you. If you are thinking about what might come of it, then you will be awkward about it. So basically, you tell yourself, "Nothing is going to come of it, and if not, nothing lost, so why the hell not, I am just going to talk to her. If she likes me, awesome, if not, oh well."

I realize the last bit goes against your severe concern for what the ladies think of you, but you have to get over that. If anyone, male or female doesn't like you for you, then to hell with em, you don't need em anyway. The ones that can accept you how you are, shy, inexperienced, and any other quirks you might have, are the ones you want as friends, companions, and even mates.

Also, try talking about something you already feel comfortable talking about, preferably something you might have in common to discuss. Look for those little clues that she likes similar music, movies, books, activities, and so on. Key in on them and bring them up. When you hit a comfort zone, it makes it easier on both of you, and it gives you points in the compatibility department.

Oh, and don't bring up the whole "I am seriously not concerned about sex" thing. Most women take that as a point blank statement that you are looking for sex.

Good luck.

This is a great response. I cannot add to it.

 

[DrStein]

Oh bad drstein, I'm a woman to.

(gets down on one knee)

 

[Leeleigh]

(gets down on one knee)

you are learning.... very good sweetie..

 

[Leeleigh]

new lesson... when you upset the lady.. be prepared to go down on one knee and beg forgivness.... Just as Doc did.

This is might help you......go read my poem Yearnings... you might learn something.

 

[DrStein]

you are learning.... very good sweetie..

It takes me time to learn my lessons, but once I do I become a perfectionist.

 

[blkmack]

Hey be yourself rejection is the worse that can happen they cant take away your birthday

 

[taolanes]

The biggest risk you could take is never taking a risk at all. Instead of spending hours worrying about it, just take the extra 1 minute and go for it. In other words, next time you want to talk JUST DO IT

 

[Leeleigh]

It takes me time to learn my lessons, but once I do I become a perfectionist.

The pupil will not need the teacher soon...

 

[DrStein]

The pupil will not need the teacher soon...

I'm sure there will always be something for you to teach me.

 

[Leeleigh]

I'm sure there will always be something for you to teach me.

My door aka PM will always be open to you.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

What I am going to offer you is golden advice. You know what I was you, I am you in a way. I'm 19, almost 20 and you know what, I couldn't get a girl to save my life. Well maybe if I put it that way to her she would, but after the life saving, it's all over.

Anyways man, I feel what your saying, and to be honest, your in a bad spot right now. Your shy, you got a few weeks left, so I am going to give you some sound advice on this part first. Make your move, talk to her, do what ever. Hell, I go into any conversation with 10 pre-picked topics, just so I know it won't be silent. I have 3 "normal topics" (sports, music, school/job) 3 "goofy topics" (drinking life, non-sex life, pyshco stuff), 3 "Brainy topics" (politics, world, news) and 1 "general topic" (life in general). You got tons of stuff to fall back on, and believe me it all leads into everything.

Now, you care about image. What kid doesn't in high school am I right? And anyone who says thye don't is lying through their ass. But it's time for you to stop worrying about the image, and MAKE AN IMAGE. Example: I WAS (key word was) the shy, dark quiet guy in high school. NOW I am the go to guy, the hook up for everything. When we go out for the night, I'm the one people call and I hook it all up. I wanted a better image. I still am quiet, but in the right mood, I am non-stop talk. Build your own image, and you know what, get people to hate it. If people hate it, it generally means your doing something right.

Alright, back to this girl. Ah man, this brings back memories of the high school crush. Believe me man, this is easier then you think and really it's all about mental training. Don't go into the conversation, hoping to become friends. Go into the conversation as if you ARE friends. You feelin' me? This is what it boils down to. Around your friends, are you confident, more "normal". Of course you are, they are your group. Well, display that same image with the lady. ANY women will tell you, a confident man, is a good man. And women can smell fear in you. So walk up to her and just be normal. "hey, how you doing". I am going to suggest a little step program.

First Step: Keep it sweet and simple
Walk up to her, ask how it's going, make sure she is good, then bounce. Say good-bye of course. But don't stay longer then a few minutes. People will say this is wrong, but it's the best move to make. WHY? It helps in two ways. 1) You get over that "I can't walk up and say hi" bullshit, and 2) Your not spilling everything. Convo can easily go like this

You: Hey, hows it going
Her: Fine or good (take a pick, most people don't say OH GOD HORRIBLE)
You: That's great! What's new with you? (asking her questions, interest in her)
Her: Not to much (normal reply) you? (if this comes, answer below)
You: You know, some shit different day (thats my reply, use what ever, but don't go on)
Her: The good (don't you love her answers)
You: Well I got to get going, I'll give you a shout sometime
Her: Alright (who says no, don't talk to me...no one)

So yes, this is VERY open, but you get the idea. Fast, snap your fingers fast. Don't plain this, just make it happen. It works best when you don't know she is there and it just happens. Or you are walking you see her. Just go up, and do it.

Second Step: The next convo
This one is a little longer then your last. This is where you may pull out a normal topc. Find something she has (OBSERVE) and comment. Or ask how her weekend went. How her week is going. If she asks you, think of something that happened, but put a spin on it. Make it sound funny, but it a good way. Something like

"Oh, I got a bad grade on my test. But hey, thats expected, a genius like me can't ace them all right" smile and laugh. Guarentee she smiles. Hell, to add more, if you have a colar shirt (I always wear them...great prop) flick the colar when you say your a genius.

Now after you say that, and she laughs, you are in control. SO what you do is, leave again, but first make a plan

"Hey, I got to get going. if your not busy, we should hang out sometime"

She will say yes, because again, she will not say no. DUH! This could be a good time to give her your number. But do it in a good way. After she says yes

"Well to hang out, you probably need to get a hold of me" (smile and laugh) "So I should probably give you my number" and write it down. Ask her for a pen and something to write on.



There you go man. I wrote a storm, but you know, I want to see this work for yah. I wish I had this when I was in high school. Also, post on Lit alot. and LEARN. My god, how much have I learned, and I am not talking just about sex. You will learn so much from the females her it's insane. You learn what to say, what not to say. What to do and not do and how their mind works.

Look at my reply and tell me you didn't smile at least once. That is the most cocky stuff right there. If you can be cocky, but funny you are in all the way. But to much "funny" you will be an clown (don't want that) and to much "cocky" your full of yourself. Happen middle is great.

And oh I forgot, the best advice!

HAVE FUN!

No one said this is life or death. This is high school. Believe me, it's the perfect place to work these skills, and then when you move on to college or what ever, you are ahead of the game. Good luck you man, and if you need anything else, hit me up on MSN or something and we can talk.

Ravin

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Oh and I just thought of a comment for rejection. Rejection does suck, but why can't it help you right. My mom asked if I was gay once because I never had a girlfriend. Oh thank you mom for that comment. The girl I am interested in now knows this, as it's something we joke about. (I have nothing against gay people just so we know) So I make it into a bigger joke.

"I'm not gay, just when it comes to women I don't try and I fail greatly dammit!"

On a message board this doesn't sound great, but you add my voice to it, it comes off hilarious.

Rejection is a part of life. Jobs, school, women Bars (damn bar) it's just a thing in life. I feared rejection, but you know what I fear more? Not telling someone the truth. Because to me that is lying to myself, and I don't lie to me!

Oh and just so you also know. This gets easier over time and the butterflies go away. You will go from "I am so nervous about this girl" to "I am so nervous about this rinkled shirt...oh and I got to deal with that girl soon don't I...yeah I probably should"


Ravin

 

[emap]

Good dr, you may actually get a girlfreind.

Ravin has some good points, though he actually kinda forgot one. OK, your afraid of rejection, well think about this one, you are rejected every time you don't talk to a woman.

No seriously, being rejected is a woman spurning you off yes? Well generally that translates into not talking to you, well if you don't go and talk to her she's not talking to you which means she is rejecting you.

 

[sxylegs]

Alright first off hello everyone this is my first post on these forums, so I am going to introduce myself, My name is Jared, I am 18, I am a Junior in highschool and I live in northwest Arkansas.

I am very shy..I am very small for my age and well...have only had 1 girlfriend and that was wayy back in the 5th grade..even that was crap as I don't think she was ever interested in me..maybe she was but I was too shy to really go further. (and well we were kind of young but still)

Anyway the reason for this is I am extremely shy, I have all these things I would like to tell the women I like but am way to afraid to do..I almost had a heart attack when I asked that girl out in 5th grade... My problem really is I fear rejection and I am afraid of what a girl will think of me...as highschool being all about being "cool" I dont really care, some guy doesnt think im cool thinks Im stupid, good for him because I hate him about 2x that..but with girls (except those few bitches...) I always care about what they are thinking about me....

Let me give you an example...today on the bus (not having a car sucks.) a beautiful girl starts talking to me, yet it's really awkward and I can think of nothing to say...as soon as she gets off I got pissed off at myself because I didn't ask more about her...

Anyone have any advice? I saw the How to get laid thread but it doesn't really apply here, getting laid would be nice but I just want someone that cares about me and that I like, even love, I had someone like that, best friend, we were at a school dance, she even hit on me (I think) but I didnt know what to do, and now I have moved away and lost all chances at that...I just want to meet a girl and get into a serious relationship...I seriously could careless about sex, and I don't want to have sex with a girl I don't know or like...

I would like to talk to this girl again tommorow or soon and ask her more about herself but I don't know how to do it without sounding like an idiot..

Hi....
I agree with what most are saying here, but you need help now......not the next time you see her....
I was painfully shy around guys. I learned to talk to them by calling a personal phone line.....there were dozens of guys on there that I talked with and flirted with and pretended .......it was lots of fun......after doing that for a few nights I was ready to talk to a real person. you can also post on here, or find a great chatline where you can talk to people.......it makes it easier ....gets you to know what is being talked about.
Now it is hard for people to believe that I was ever that shy. After you feel more comfortable.....then take the others advice......

Good Luck!!!