How to gain confidence?

[LostBabygirl3489]

So apparently I'm not that disgusting looking as I feel or thought I was. I just can't really see it, honestly, but I'm working on it. I'm 140 pounds (about), rather short at five feet, three inches. Rather busty. Curvy, I guess. Nice legs I've been told. Beautiful eyes, I've been told by even straight women. I just can't seem to find my confidence when I try to be feminine. I get really insecure. I'd love some advice from fellow women or even men. Usually when I wear a dress, I can't help but feel that I look pregnant, which wouldn't be so bad if I was...except I assure that I am not. When I was 16, I used to weigh 115 pounds. Then I went on Prozac and I went up to 160 pounds. It took a lot of exercise but I went down to 130 pounds. My weight has gone up and down ever since then. At the moment I cannot pay for a personal trainer or a kick boxing class, which I would love take since it would help with my stress, but I do walk a lot every day except for Sunday and eat healthy (I'm a vegetarian).

I know that confidence is mostly mental. I would love any pep talk or advice. Thank you in advance.

<3

 

[atariblue]

Don't let people or the media make you feel like your ugly or disgusting. This world is made up of all sorts of people with different looks and traits making everyone special in their own way. And people will find different traits and looks sexy. Just always remind yourself that you are beautiful and sexy.

I hope that helps some. I get that way sometimes so I definitely have to give myself a pep talk.

 

[Hypoxia]

I took a long, long time to get comfortable with myself -- and I'm still not totally there yet. I went down many lousy paths. I did manage some major personal transformations which followed the same pattern:

* I was okay with laziness, overeating, over-consuming tobacco and alcohol.
* A switch flipped inside my head; those (in)activities were no longer okay.

I discovered the basic rule of personal transformation: Ya gotta really wanna. If ya don't wanna, ya ain't gonna.

I am not real social. If I want to enlarge my social sphere I must WANT to, and DO it. That isolation-is-okay switch in my head must flip. You feel unworthy. You need to flip your switch to I AM WORTHY. It sounds like an old Al Franken SNL routine but it's true.

About weight and diet -- 'Diets' do not work. Proper diet does. I use the Physics Diet and the Ed Taylor diet.

* Physics diet: Burn more calories than you consume to drop weight. Consume more calories than you burn to gain weight. BTW I never 'lose' weight. I know exactly where it went. We usually don't like to lose stuff. Remove 'losing' from your thoughts.

* Ed Taylor diet: Ed was a flat schlub who realized he was a fat schlub because he ate too much. His diet is simple: Don't eat too much. He dropped weight and started scaling 350-foot coast redwood trees. He is credited with discovering most of the world's tallest trees.

One way to build confidence is to do what you're good at and/or what you're interested in. Do it in public. Do it around other people. Talk to them. Engage them. Be interesting, personable, alert. It's true: personality trumps physical beauty. Ah, but where to find those people? In many social contexts: classes, clubs, church or political gatherings if so inclined -- anywhere people get together. I've found partners and friends in classes I've given and taken, on nature hikes, at music/art festivals, throwing frisbee in the park, etc. Talk to enough people and some will be taken by you. And there you are!

 

[phil_o]

Set

Set yourself small achievable tasks, maybe choose something to wear that you don't normally wear (but want to) and go have a coffee in it.

Maybe just going and having a coffee on your own would be something out of your comfort zone, so maybe that. Make sure they are small steps and something you can achieve.

Eat healthy! How is your sugar intake? once I looked at how much sugar I was eating, mostly hidden sugar, and cut that out my body felt far better and although I wasn't trying to lose weight the bit of excess I had soon went, maybe just lucky!

 

[Que]

Confidence comes from competance. Find something that you're good at and pursue it. Derive your sense of self worth from that thing, not from your appearence...and your appearance will improve.

Being attractive short of having misshapen features comes mostly from within. I don't know about you but I much prefer a picture taken of me candidly when I'm smiling then when I have to pose a smile for the camera. The only difference is the first smile is genuine and the second is fake. Somehow we as humans are able to tell the difference at a glance.

There's lots of tips on healthy foods and general fitness tips which can be a benefit but not if you obsess about it. The best advice that I have heard about developing a healthy relationship with food comes from dr. Jenn Berman.. she has an app called no more diets or something like that.

Your internal dialogue about how you think you look is obviously a little distorted. There's really no quick solution for that, which is why I suggest that you work on finding those areas that you do like about yourself and concentrating on those to help crowd out those negative voices.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

As a woman, I hear what you're saying. I was younger, more fit (despite being equally as active), and I had more time to be social because I wasn't spending all day trying to work at a job and at my home. My experience has been this..

When other things in my life aren't balanced, I become focused on my body image. I internalize that and begin to believe that I am less than ____ because of my body.

Turning that around, the fix isn't the body. Certainly, you should continue to strive for health and wellness. Part of that is likely to include making choices that bring you back to a healthy weight by watching what you eat and what you do. But it won't fix the problem. Engaging in activities where you use your body so that other people will like you.. won't fix the problem. Becoming skinny so that other people talk nicely about you.. in and of itself.. won't fix the problem.

You need to find the balance.

Now.. that may come from choices that result in a happier body. That would be a great win-win. Get back to basics. Sleep enough. Get outside every day. Volunteer with a population that tugs at your heart. Meditate. Practice being non-judgmental with others so that you can give that same grace to yourself.

and.. don't forget to let other people help you. don't forget to let other people love you.

 

[bill4672]

As hard as it can be, look to yourself rather than other people for your value. What do you like about yourself? Don't focus just on the physical although, from the sounds of it, you are an attractive woman. I think many of us would like to lose some weight. Even super models are often critical of some aspect of their appearance. Enjoy who you are.

It also helps to focus on other people in terms of helping them, whether by being friends with people or at least friendly with people that others ignore. Being gracious toward the people around you. Appreciating what people around you do. Once you are not obsessing about yourself (something we all do at times), you will be surprised the difference it will make.

Finally, smile. Find things that make you smile or make you laugh. Hang out with people that make you feel good about you. Avoid people who are overly critical.

You sound like a very likeable person, and that, in itself, is attractive.

 

[subwannabe]

Women make the mistake of psyching themselves out for not being perfect and comparing themselves to models in magazines, etc. It is a load of crap. Guys like variety and most guys actually prefer size 16 to size 2. I've got some terrific advice for you: find the curvey appreciation thread in this forum and look through every single page and you will see what real guys actually prefer and it will give you more confidence. Don't forget to look through EVERY page.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1193943

 

[Hard_Rom]

140lbs, 5' 3", busty, nice legs, nice eyes! Me want!
For looking feminine try the medieval peasant girl look. Very feminine and you can weigh 200 and look good in it. Maybe it is just your clothes and fashion that make you look pregnant. Tits are mostly fat tissue. Hips and tits, some weight and curves coming. Inevitable. We all carry our excess weight slightly differently.

 

[great lover]

So apparently I'm not that disgusting looking as I feel or thought I was. I just can't really see it, honestly, but I'm working on it. I'm 140 pounds (about), rather short at five feet, three inches. Rather busty. Curvy, I guess. Nice legs I've been told. Beautiful eyes, I've been told by even straight women. I just can't seem to find my confidence when I try to be feminine. I get really insecure. I'd love some advice from fellow women or even men. Usually when I wear a dress, I can't help but feel that I look pregnant, which wouldn't be so bad if I was...except I assure that I am not. When I was 16, I used to weigh 115 pounds. Then I went on Prozac and I went up to 160 pounds. It took a lot of exercise but I went down to 130 pounds. My weight has gone up and down ever since then. At the moment I cannot pay for a personal trainer or a kick boxing class, which I would love take since it would help with my stress, but I do walk a lot every day except for Sunday and eat healthy (I'm a vegetarian).

I know that confidence is mostly mental. I would love any pep talk or advice. Thank you in advance.

<3

Relax! Get connected to your inner self!

 

[SunDevilGirl]

If wearing a dress doesn't make you feel confident then don't wear them. You don't need one to be feminine. Nobody can give you a magic formula to make you more confident. Don't worry about what others think about you. Try to figure out what makes you feel good. And for your own sake stop comparing your body now to how you were when you were 16!

 

[malefica]

I'm 5'3", and 125 lbs. This is an average weight for my height. My self-esteem is still essentially crippled on occasion thanks to the years of verbal and physical bullying that I went through as a kid, then into my teenage years. I was the last in my friendship group to get into a relationship, I was the last to show any interest in make-up, I wasn't 'girly' and my friends were the oddballs - we were those that didn't fit into any other social group.

Counselling didn't work. Or, rather, I had one attempt at it and the woman opened with such a cliche 'I know how you are feeling' line that I just got up and walked out. The only thing that started to help was my former Owner. Bearing in mind it still took the better part of three years for my confidence to begin to get anywhere, but it did.

Now? I do freelance nude modelling, and enjoy wearing things that I know flatter my figure. Do I still have doubts on how I look? Sure. But I at least now find it easier to brush off.

If being feminine is not your thing, then don't try and force it. Sounds a lot like when I tried to be girly for my former Owner - I did it, but it wasn't 'me'. Now I still wear feminine clothing, but black gothic wear and fetish-themed gear - I'm a lot more confident, and feel a lot more true to myself.

 

[Learin]

So apparently I'm not that disgusting looking as I feel or thought I was. I just can't really see it, honestly, but I'm working on it. I'm 140 pounds (about), rather short at five feet, three inches. Rather busty. Curvy, I guess. Nice legs I've been told. Beautiful eyes, I've been told by even straight women. I just can't seem to find my confidence when I try to be feminine. I get really insecure. I'd love some advice from fellow women or even men. Usually when I wear a dress, I can't help but feel that I look pregnant, which wouldn't be so bad if I was...except I assure that I am not. When I was 16, I used to weigh 115 pounds. Then I went on Prozac and I went up to 160 pounds. It took a lot of exercise but I went down to 130 pounds. My weight has gone up and down ever since then. At the moment I cannot pay for a personal trainer or a kick boxing class, which I would love take since it would help with my stress, but I do walk a lot every day except for Sunday and eat healthy (I'm a vegetarian).

I know that confidence is mostly mental. I would love any pep talk or advice. Thank you in advance.

<3

I don't know about pep talk, but if you want to do something, just say 'Fuck it' and go ahead. No looking back or regrets.

Life is too short for that.

As for gaining/losing weight, do what you want to do. If you want to lose fat, set a goal for yourself and sweat it out. For me, staying fit is my way of showing my dedication for my body and my health. Not for my husband, not for my colleagues and certainly not for other men. Don't stick with people who give you crap about weight issues. It never helps.

Moi, Dr. Lee, suggests that you take a few couple doses of be-comfortable-with-yourself pills, otherwise you won't be confident even after losing a load of pounds.

 

[sybarite_1]

Confidence is situational.
A person can be confident at work or among family but not confident in going up to someone and say, "Hey, how ya doing? What do you think of the band? I was watching you tap your foot to the music. Is this your favourite genre of music"?
Then let them talk and look into their eyes.

No matter how good looking someone is, that is only 5% of your shopping list. You also want educated, funny, athletic WHATEVER. Your goal is to go over there, comment on something they're doing, and then flirt, tease and see how many of your wants/needs that person has. You qualify them. They need to meet your standards. If they don't, say goodbye.

 

[sybarite_1]

I'm 5'3", and 125 lbs. This is an average weight for my height. My self-esteem is still essentially crippled on occasion thanks to the years of verbal and physical bullying that I went through as a kid, then into my teenage years. I was the last in my friendship group to get into a relationship, I was the last to show any interest in make-up, I wasn't 'girly' and my friends were the oddballs - we were those that didn't fit into any other social group.

Counselling didn't work. Or, rather, I had one attempt at it and the woman opened with such a cliche 'I know how you are feeling' line that I just got up and walked out. The only thing that started to help was my former Owner. Bearing in mind it still took the better part of three years for my confidence to begin to get anywhere, but it did.

Now? I do freelance nude modelling, and enjoy wearing things that I know flatter my figure. Do I still have doubts on how I look? Sure. But I at least now find it easier to brush off.

If being feminine is not your thing, then don't try and force it. Sounds a lot like when I tried to be girly for my former Owner - I did it, but it wasn't 'me'. Now I still wear feminine clothing, but black gothic wear and fetish-themed gear - I'm a lot more confident, and feel a lot more true to myself.

Research results: intense short term exercise better than hours of exercise.
I use an intense yoga video from YouTube. Research a vegan or paleo diet. Eat one egg a week to maintain eye health. (You need the B12 and protein).
Let us know how you're doing. Get medical advice before starting a diet/exercise regimen. Good luck Sweetie

 

[Penuche]

Work at being kinder to yourself.

The real eye opener for me was a friend I mostly know via the net, but see once in a while IRL. She's more or less everything which I'm not when it comes to appearance - tall (about 5'8), slim, graceful, impeccably dressed (even her idea of scruffy is most people's idea of smart casual), radiates poise, and looks impeccably groomed (without obvious makeup) even when feeling dreadful.

And yet, even in her 30s, she still sees herslf as the gangly limbed, almost unnaturally tall and awkward person whe was as a teenager. She'd give almost anything to be average height or shorter, even though a lot of things hang a lot better on her than they ever would on me.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

So apparently I'm not that disgusting looking as I feel or thought I was. I just can't really see it, honestly, but I'm working on it. I'm 140 pounds (about), rather short at five feet, three inches. Rather busty. Curvy, I guess. Nice legs I've been told. Beautiful eyes, I've been told by even straight women. I just can't seem to find my confidence when I try to be feminine. I get really insecure. I'd love some advice from fellow women or even men. Usually when I wear a dress, I can't help but feel that I look pregnant, which wouldn't be so bad if I was...except I assure that I am not. When I was 16, I used to weigh 115 pounds. Then I went on Prozac and I went up to 160 pounds. It took a lot of exercise but I went down to 130 pounds. My weight has gone up and down ever since then. At the moment I cannot pay for a personal trainer or a kick boxing class, which I would love take since it would help with my stress, but I do walk a lot every day except for Sunday and eat healthy (I'm a vegetarian).

I know that confidence is mostly mental. I would love any pep talk or advice. Thank you in advance.

<3

In high school I knew I was an imbecile and the administration believed it, too. I was encouraged to forfeit college and get a good blue collar gig after graduation.

But one of my teachers got me to agree to apply for a course restricted to the cream of our school's students. The teacher got me in it. Everyone wondered how I got in.

The first day the teachers gave our class an exam to see what they had to work with. The exam was the final exam for the course.

The next day, when class started, the teachers wanted to know who Jim Johnson was. I knew I was found out! Every brainiac was in there plus me.

I was the lone student who passed the test, and I made a perfect score. It was a revelation to all and changed my thinking about me.

Such events usually change strong convictions. In your case winning a beauty pageant may do the trick for you.

 

[albertaboy]

5'3" 140 pounds is not large by any means, that probably means you are a size 8-10, I think my wife tells me the average North American woman is a 14.

My wife just turned 50, has put on some weight in the past couple of years and she thinks she's huge 5'7" 160. I am 52 and she is miles better looking than I am.

I struggle with trying to get her to look at all the other 50 year old women we know and see where she would fit into the spectrum...

I am going to throw out an idea for you. There a pile of women with wildly popular threads in the Am Pics section here that are far larger than you.

They are popular because they are fun and flirty.

Give that a try, start slow, no need for gyno shots or anything. Take a bunch of pics and pic the best ones you like and see what the reaction is.

Just be prepared to ignore some PM's.