How to find someone?

[endlesslove22]

I've never been good at meeting new people. One reason why I'm here is because I want to make new friends and have new experiences. But I'm not good at it. I want to have great conversations and make lasting relationships. But I'm nervous. How do I meet the right people on here? How do you find that right person?

 

[patient1]

I've never been good at meeting new people. One reason why I'm here is because I want to make new friends and have new experiences. But I'm not good at it. I want to have great conversations and make lasting relationships. But I'm nervous. How do I meet the right people on here? How do you find that right person?

Part of the answer is to be yourself.

Part of the problem is that many people on the internet are alter egos and sociopaths, here to manipulate you for their own amusement.

Be careful.

As for social development and becoming a great conversationalist, it takes Real Life experience. Force yourself to converse with strangers. Imagine that they know something interesting that you don't, all you need to do is be clever enough to draw it out of them by asking leading questions.

Of course, what they know may be more of a warning than an enticement to try it yourself, but you said your goal was great conversations. That's not about winning arguments or correcting people or judging them, it's about learning their stories.

 

[sunandshadow]

This isn't a dating website... the things people do here are more along the lines of "post pics and see who compliments them" or "join a roleplay and socialize with other people through the roleplay" site. Though you can also try "make a thread about your fetish and see who responds saying that they share the fetish".

 

[NippleMuncher]

The best way to make friends here is to just become active in threads that appeal to you. Everyone is more inclined to interact with you when they know who you are.

Just be yourself and enjoy.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Being Canadian what you want is prolly impossible in this life.

 

[1sickbastard]

I've never been good at meeting new people. One reason why I'm here is because I want to make new friends and have new experiences. But I'm not good at it. I want to have great conversations and make lasting relationships. But I'm nervous. How do I meet the right people on here? How do you find that right person?

Depends on what you're looking for, doesn't it?
Start talking with someone is a first step. Figuring out if y'all are simpatico is the next.

If you're looking for "love" you're more likely to project more into a relationship than is actually there.

If you're just looking for people whose company you enjoy and share similar interests, that's pretty easy to do, but as a previous poster mentioned, you have to start interacting, opening yourself up to the good and the bad.

But first, it helps if you figure out what you, yourself are about, like, don't like, etc.

 

[Hypoxia]

Old saying: "In cyberspace, nobody knows you're a dog." Which means that online personas are often false. Beware.

How to meet people? Go to where they are. Gather with groups. What are your interests? Are you into nature, art/music, political-religious-social activism, games, science, motorsports, or anything else? Hang out with people sharing those interests. And maybe take or teach classes.

Does this work? I met one significant lover while teaching first aid. (CPR practice can lead to soul kissing, lots of tongue). I met other lovers at music festivals. (Take a tent.) I met my current partner on a Sierra Club day hike -- we trailed the others, and botanized.

You wrote, "I've never been good at meeting new people." If you don't get out to where people are, you definitely won't meet many. Switch your computer off. Stand up. Leave your home. Go to a gathering, any gathering. Talk. Don't worry about rejection -- there's always somebody else.

It's like winning bids on eBay. The formula: Bid low. Bid often. Lose most. Don't worry, another will come along shortly.

 

[COCK_STAR]

You need a psychologist

 

[SunDevilGirl]

I've never been good at meeting new people. One reason why I'm here is because I want to make new friends and have new experiences. But I'm not good at it. I want to have great conversations and make lasting relationships. But I'm nervous. How do I meet the right people on here? How do you find that right person?

I think I've seen a similar question asked a few times so know you're not alone. There are many people wanting to make connections and are nervous. Be open and friendly and expect that not everyone will reciprocate....that's okay, just move on.

On here....just jump in. It seems people are more likely to interact with you when they see you have a history of posts and can get a "feel" for you.

 

[johnjo69]

I have to agree with what some of the other posters have said, just be yourself and jump in. I tend to be kind of shy IRL but the anonymity of online helps bring the real me out a little more. Besides, you can't really go to a party and discuss a lot of the things you can here, or if you can, I'm going to the wrong parties. I had been a regular on here years ago, and coming back is a little overwhelming but I'm holding my breathe, clasping my stars and garters,taking the nose dive and hoping for the best. The only thing I can say hasn't changed since I was last on here is Flash Chat appears to still be as buggy as it was 6 years ago.


P.S. If that doesn't work I heard of this thing called GPS,.... that might do the trick as well.

 

[Acktion]

Isn't it funny how the first advice anyone gives is "just be yourself", yet on first dates, everyone dresses up in clothes they don't usually wear, goes places they don't usually go, and have NO idea what to say to each other when you usually can't shut them up?

Actually, when I was about fifteen or so, I figured out this one little trick that has worked for me for (mumble mumble) years. Don't give a shit.

Sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's true.

When meeting anyone new that I found interesting, but especially girls whom I found attractive, I would get so worked up that I literally almost could not function. I would stutter and not be able to get words out or use the wrong words and sound like an idiot. Or if there was anything (and I do mean anything) I could spill, knock over, or break, I would. (My friends and a few enemies called me "domino" for awhile there.)

A good friend of mine who happened to be female (and who got a different haircut and grew in a very noticeable way over the summer, got new clothing and discovered makeup) who I had gotten along with for years (when she was one of the guys) pointed out to me that she was still the same person and could still kick my ass if I didn't quit acting so weird. That kind of made me realize that the difference wasn't in the people, it was in me. Because I was trying too hard, I was overthinking and even things I did normally, like taking a drink from a glass, became difficult. As a result, new people thought I was an ass and a spaz because I WAS an ass and a spaz around them because I was trying too hard to be liked.

Once I quit giving a shit whether anyone liked me or not, I had a much easier time meeting new people. And because I was meeting them while doing something I enjoyed doing anyway we had something in common. And because I'm willing to take anyone on credit until they prove they are a waste of breathable air, for the most part I've gotten along just fine with all but a few drama queens who's asses I didn't kiss sufficiently who saw me as a threat because they didn't understand that I just didn't give a shit.

So, you have your OP question just slightly backwards in my opinion. Go after the new experiences that you think you might like to try. You'll meet some of the same people, some of the same people wearing different faces, and some new people. Some of them will be worth knowing and some won't be worth the gum you scrapped off the bottom of your shoe. Some of them will like you and some of them won't. Hell, there are some weird people out there with no taste who don't like me. But, I don't give a shit. And neither should you.

Be someone you would want to know and anyone who doesn't can roll it up into a tube, light it on fire, and smoke it.

Huh? Oh, the girl? Yeah, she taught me my second valuable lesson. When you are interested, just spit it out. "I think you're pretty cool." "I like the way you think." or "you're really pretty." They might be interested in return or they might not. But if you don't tell them, there is a senior who has more practice being suave who will and then you'd be an ass to screw with their happiness. Fortunately, I'd learned not to give a shit and went on a trip to a different city to visit a friend and came back with fourteen addresses and phone numbers of girls of various attractiveness who thought I was pretty cool.

 

[boutrosboutros]

"Just be yourself" is stupid advice. Nobody is "just themselves". As somebody pointed out above, just being yourself would mean walking around naked. You have to moderate your true self to the correct degree.

I recommend exposure. Get a job that involves meeting people and talking on the phone all day, every day. Pick Up Artists (I'm not one, but I've read quite a lot of PUA discourse out of morbid curiosity) have something called "the newbie mission": dress up nicely, go to your local mall for a day, walk around, and every time you see a woman under the age of 50 make eye contact, smile, and say hello in a non-creepy way. I expect those sort of things are really good at helping you overcome shyness.

 

[moonflasher]

Open your door,step outside and find her....she is most likely not on here or any other site......but she's out there Paul.There are woman out there feeling just as you do,nervous,unsure and scared but you need to be seen and heard to be in the game.....so get off the bench and into the game.


Join things....a gym,take a cooking class but get out there.....NOW!!!!!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Isn't it funny how the first advice anyone gives is "just be yourself", yet on first dates, everyone dresses up in clothes they don't usually wear, goes places they don't usually go, and have NO idea what to say to each other when you usually can't shut them up?

Actually, when I was about fifteen or so, I figured out this one little trick that has worked for me for (mumble mumble) years. Don't give a shit.

Sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's true.

When meeting anyone new that I found interesting, but especially girls whom I found attractive, I would get so worked up that I literally almost could not function. I would stutter and not be able to get words out or use the wrong words and sound like an idiot. Or if there was anything (and I do mean anything) I could spill, knock over, or break, I would. (My friends and a few enemies called me "domino" for awhile there.)

A good friend of mine who happened to be female (and who got a different haircut and grew in a very noticeable way over the summer, got new clothing and discovered makeup) who I had gotten along with for years (when she was one of the guys) pointed out to me that she was still the same person and could still kick my ass if I didn't quit acting so weird. That kind of made me realize that the difference wasn't in the people, it was in me. Because I was trying too hard, I was overthinking and even things I did normally, like taking a drink from a glass, became difficult. As a result, new people thought I was an ass and a spaz because I WAS an ass and a spaz around them because I was trying too hard to be liked.

Once I quit giving a shit whether anyone liked me or not, I had a much easier time meeting new people. And because I was meeting them while doing something I enjoyed doing anyway we had something in common. And because I'm willing to take anyone on credit until they prove they are a waste of breathable air, for the most part I've gotten along just fine with all but a few drama queens who's asses I didn't kiss sufficiently who saw me as a threat because they didn't understand that I just didn't give a shit.

So, you have your OP question just slightly backwards in my opinion. Go after the new experiences that you think you might like to try. You'll meet some of the same people, some of the same people wearing different faces, and some new people. Some of them will be worth knowing and some won't be worth the gum you scrapped off the bottom of your shoe. Some of them will like you and some of them won't. Hell, there are some weird people out there with no taste who don't like me. But, I don't give a shit. And neither should you.

Be someone you would want to know and anyone who doesn't can roll it up into a tube, light it on fire, and smoke it.

Huh? Oh, the girl? Yeah, she taught me my second valuable lesson. When you are interested, just spit it out. "I think you're pretty cool." "I like the way you think." or "you're really pretty." They might be interested in return or they might not. But if you don't tell them, there is a senior who has more practice being suave who will and then you'd be an ass to screw with their happiness. Fortunately, I'd learned not to give a shit and went on a trip to a different city to visit a friend and came back with fourteen addresses and phone numbers of girls of various attractiveness who thought I was pretty cool.

What you say is good advice. I've been married to the same woman for 40 years. She was all over me the first time we met, and I wasn't all that interested and ignored her flirting. I let her get a block down the street before I made a move, she called me a SON OF A BITCH then said YES, she'd go out with me.

One time I hadda tell her to put her dancing shoes on and go find Mister Perfect, which she did, but didn't find him. I'm all over the BS females love. Here it is, come and get it, or FO.

 

[Mindfondler]

As a formerly shy individual myself, I have sympathy for the OP. I've been thinking about what changed for me.

Actually, when I was about fifteen or so, I figured out this one little trick that has worked for me for (mumble mumble) years. Don't give a shit.

That's a useful mantra! Even if it's unrealistic, it points in the right direction: to maintain self-respect and not be dependent on approval from other people.

I believe that the other part of the trick is to become genuinely interested in other people (and not just when you're trying to hit on them). That doesn't imply that everyone you meet has to be riveting company -- just that you're always open to the possibility of a positive interaction.

A good friend of mine who happened to be female...

Likewise, I'm lucky to have some wonderful female (platonic) friends who have kept me grounded over the years. Without them, I would have missed out on a great deal.
.

 

[johnielynn]

well you must have good communication skills, and very good with conversations, if you want to fin the one. Well, you just have to be you. Simply put.

gokkasten gratis

 

[Que]

I think I've seen a similar question asked a few times so know you're not alone. There are many people wanting to make connections and are nervous. Be open and friendly and expect that not everyone will reciprocate....that's okay, just move on.

On here....just jump in. It seems people are more likely to interact with you when they see you have a history of posts and can get a "feel" for you.

I'd like to cop a feel right now!

~snip~ One time I hadda tell her to put her dancing shoes on and go find Mister Perfect, which she did, but didn't find him. ~snip~

laughs. Dancing shoes. Classic.

I regret I don't have anyone at present in need of that line. I am filing that one away I am certain at some point in the future I will find it useful.

 

[jomar]

Social anxiety? ExRP will do the trick.